The Princess Is Now In The House

Tell me...is there a sign on my forehead or something?

2009-06-27T12:51:00.006-04:00

For real...is there?

Sometimes I'm wondering if it says:

Directory Assistance

My office is on a large corner lot and people often stop in for directions or phone numbers. There have been quite a few new businesses opening up recently. I really don't mind helping folks out, but why do they get pissed with ME because I don't know what they're looking for? Gawd, I mean really though! Sometimes they won't even know the name of the place. They'll just come in asking if I know where the place that sells such- and-such is, then when I tell them I'm sorry no, I will hear a repeat of the same question. Next thing you know I'm looking up information in the business park guide in an attempt to help. I try and be nice but sometimes I feel frustrated.

Complaint Department

There's this guy that works in production. He's in his mid-forties and really struggles to keep his life in order. He moves often because of poor choice in roommate or whatever. He's been bitching steady about how he does all this work for his landlord and she won't pay him. Since he's been going over the same stuff for the last couple of months I finally told him exactly what I thought of it all. I said "Listen, do you owe her money? Is she using this as a means of payment? If not, you have no obligation to do this shit for free man. YOU'RE the only one who can fix it. Just tell her no if you don't want to do it. If you aren't going to do anything to work on your own circumstance, then don't talk to me about it please." If that sounds harsh, I'm sorry but it's true. I know everyone needs to talk things through, but if you're talking and not doing...nothing changes.

Am I your bitch?

This must appear most because many people feel they can speak to me however they like and I'll still do exactly what they want me to do. This is work related stuff, of course. Summertime is so busy. I love those days because they fly by and there's always more to do. People are very demanding and impatient though. I find it amazing how many people will refuse to take any responsibility for bad behavior in that regard. Just cause I'm the first voice you hear DOES NOT give you the right.

I'm just sayin...

Back to the hood

2009-06-06T13:41:00.004-04:00

Sid was playing at his friend's place for a bit this afternoon, Seth was lounging on the couch watching tv...so I took the opportunity to run out and grab some fruits, veggies and beer. Yeah, yeah it doesn't really match but oh well. I needed a few lunch items for the boys and I wanted some beer since I'm heading over to the neighbor's once Sid goes to sleep to hang out with some ladies for a couple of hours. It's nice that Seth is old enough to stay here without me for short periods of time. He can step out the front door and call to me at her house so I'm quite comfortable.

Back to the story...

On my drive I listened to Pink: I'm Not Dead *which is fabulous by the way* and was flooded with memories as I made my approach to the grocery store. See, I was back in my childhood neighborhood. Back where I lived with Mom. I suppose if I'd grown in a very large city, I would have been in an "inner city" community. Lots of single parent/low income families. I've spoken here before about how diverse it was and also how much I've learned from the experience.

I drove into the parking lot of the store thinking about how it used to be a K-Mart store. My mother was a waitress. She worked in the K-Mart cafeteria for several years before she passed. She was a hard working woman who didn't have much but did what she could. We lived within walking distance...which totally rocked since we didn't have a car. My brother and I used to walk from our apartment building down to K-Mart for 2 things...to visit Mom, and to get a treat. In the centre of the store there was an ice-cream stand. They had the usual variety but that wasn't the attraction. It was the cotton candy. Mmm mmm pure sugar satisfaction for sure. These thoughts were in the forefront of my mind today.

Sick and tired of being sick and tired...

2009-05-31T15:24:00.003-04:00

I've had a cold for the last 3 weeks. I've only missed 1 1/2 days so far, but I fear tomorrow might be a stay home day as well. I've got a bronchial infection now. Errrrrrrr!

The boys just came back on Friday (we switched last weekend because I had to work). I started feeling quite horrible again at work on Friday afternoon, and went into the walk in clinic today to have it checked out. We've had plenty going on here as well. The spring fair at the boy's school was yesterday *Diana came along*. We got some temporary tattoos placed on our skin by "the prettiest girl in school--aka Seth's girlfriend". She's so freakin cute it's unreal! Luckily, the very idea of actually holding her hand or kissing her is still beyond his interests at the moment. *insert contented sigh here*

Sidney had a birthday party to attend at an indoor pool today. We went to the medical clinic before hand, so Seth and I dropped his little brother off for a swim and spent some time together. I had to get my prescription filled, so we wandered through the pharmacy and then had a little lunch. I got one dose into me so far, so fingers crossed. I really do enjoy one on one time with each of the boys. Makes them feel so special.

Although I'm not all that hungry, I'm making some delicious pork side ribs, rice and veggies for dinner. Should be ready shortly. I don't have a huge appetite this weekend, but I figure I might as well have something I really like to motivate me. :)

I'm frustrated that I haven't got more energy and patience for them today. Hopefully by mid-week I'll be almost back to normal. I've also meant to tour around to every one's blogs. May was like a snotty, coughing blur. Onto June now. Let's leave this behind, shall we?

Sugar and Spice...are we really that nice?

2009-05-26T17:09:00.003-04:00

The general manager's little girl has pink eye. He had her at work this morning for a couple of hours as they wouldn't take her at daycare, and he had a couple of interviews scheduled for the morning. She hung out with me and Di. We set her up at her own little desk to draw...no different than little boys in that regard, only the picture scenes change. What a hunny that one is! My goodness she's a sweet little thing. Once she spent some time with me, she'd hide in my closet and call out "boo!" when I came close to her.

From the perspective of a woman, I think that most little girls (if they dream of having children someday) picture themselves with a baby girl. Dressing her up all pretty, doing her hair and having tea parties, you know?

Once I was all growed up and got myself knocked up, I was told at the 5 month mark that I was likely having a girl. I had chosen a name but had a boy's name chosen also *just in case they were wrong*.

I got so many frilly pink girlie things it's not even funny. My stepmother had been out to some yard sales and came over with a couple of boxes full of it! My ex-husband's mother was dying to have a grand daughter *actually would have been the second, but that's another story* so she could have her little baby girl ears pierced. I was undecided on the piercing but has it turned out, it was all for nothing because my sweet little angel boy Seth was born instead.

It took me less than 15 seconds to completely adjust my thinking to the fact that I would not be having tea parties and styling hair as of yet. You know? I'm so glad! Boys? They love their mamas. They do.

Girls? They need us when they're little, but become hateful with teenage girl drama and everything changes for a time. And then there's the whole moody/bitchy girl stuff. Uggg...it all comes back around though, and certainly I am generalizing here but you know what I mean, yes?

As the old saying goes...

"With boys at least you only have to worry about 1 prick, not a neighbourhood full of them." :)

Having boys rocks! Just sayin is all.

My, how fast they grow!

2009-05-09T15:36:00.012-04:00

I figured since I'm back that I should let you all see how big my sweet boys are getting. Time passes so quickly. I don't want to miss a moment of it. I want to take them to get some family pictures done over the next couple of months. It sure would be nice to have something lovely to hang on the wall. I've only got 1 picture of the 3 of us together. That's just not enough for me. I need to fix that, yep.

~~my little boy looking coy~~

~~yay! we found monkey!~~

~~me and my monkey~~

~~showing me his new wristband--rockerboy~~

~~showing me the fake smile~~

~~best buds~~

Words that really move me

2009-05-01T19:03:00.008-04:00

You're gonna think it's odd that I'm saying this about a song. I mean...it's ONLY a song, right? nope. Music so often moves me. I listen first to the music...the voice...definately the words. On a recent Saturday expedition to Wal-Mart with the boys I purchased Pink's new cd. Naturally, I listened to the songs I love the most first. As many times in a row as I damn well please thankyouverymuch! Then I listened to the entire cd. haha! I almost wrote album if you can believe that. Anyhow, I love all the songs but this one has really just touched me. Beautiful words, beautiful melody. It's not one I can find on youtube but if I can figure out how to get it on my computer then into a post I will soooo play it for you.

Crystal Ball ~~ Pink

I'm drinking wine and thinking bliss
Is on the other side of this
I just need a compass
And a willing accomplice
All my doubts have filled my head
Cascading up and down again
Up and down around again
Down and up and down again

Oh I've had my chances and I've taken 'em all
Just to end up right back here on the floor
* to end up right back here on the floor*

Chorus:

Pennies in a well
A million dollars in the fountain of a hotel
A fortune teller that says maybe you will go to hell
But I'm not scared at all
Of the cracks in the crystal
The cracks in the crystal ball

Sometimes you think everything
Is wrapped inside a diamond ring
Love just needs a witness
And a little forgiveness
And a halo of patience
And a less sporadic pace and
I'm learning to be brave in my beautiful mistakes
Oh I've felt that fire and I, I've been burned
But I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned
*woudn't trade the pain for what I've learned*

Chorus (above)

Irony, irony
Is hating love, hating love
For what it does to me
What it's done to me
What it's done
Done

Chorus:

Pennies in a well
A million dollars in the fountain of a hotel
Broken mirrors and a black cat's cold stare
Walk under ladders
On my way to hell I'll meet you there
But I'm not scared at all
No I'm not scared at all
Of the cracks in the crystal
The cracks in the crystal ball

________________________________________________

In other news...

My high school reunion is coming up this July. Yay! I've already bought my ticket. I've been trying to reach my good friend KennyG to take me to "prom". We've never had any romantic involvement *friends since age 13 or so* but I would love to walk in with him. Actually, he was at the 10 year one with me and Adair. It'll be much more fun if he comes with. :)

My beutiful seester Eve (who I totally wish was gonna be here for it as well) sent me the most beautiful summer dress that I am totally wearing to the dance. Oh it's sooo freakin pretty! Now I need to figure out the shoes and jewery situation. Nothing fancy, understand just...do I need to wear something a little more bold around my neck with the neckline of the dress? I'm definately going to have to post a picture. Maybe someone can help me figure it out.

yeah. I know I've said before that I was back and didn't stick around. I'm really going to work on that. I'll be visiting around here shortly. I'm glad to be back.

kisses,

the princess
*yeah, that's right. so what? I am a princess*

For People Over 30~~this is quite funny...

2009-04-28T17:17:00.003-04:00

I got this through e-mail and thought it was really cute...just sharing...

If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!! When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were.

When they were growing up; what with walking Twenty-five miles to schoolevery morning

Uphill.. barefoot...BOTH ways

Yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

THE SPOILED UNDER-30 CROWD!!!

But now that..

I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!

And I hate to say it but you kids today don't know how good you've got it! I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter, with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!

Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! No where was safe!

There were no MP3's or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shopliftit yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!

There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished and the tape would come undone...'cause that's how we rolled dig?

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your Bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3- D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'asteroids'. Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died!

Just like LIFE!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel! There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards!

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove ... Imagine that! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or before!

Regards,

The over 30 Crowd

The redemption of the tooth fairy

2009-04-10T08:53:00.006-04:00

Yes, I am really lame at keeping up here. In truth, there has been a lot of good going on in my life but I've not been sharing here. Not fair. Sorry about that. I'd really like to ease back into princess mode. It's funny learning how to be single. I've never done it for any length of time in my life before this, so it's a big change. I like it. I love being my own boss...not that I was bowing down before, but certainly always eager to please. I'm learning to trust in my decisions and not second guess myself. I've always been responsible and capable of making good choices for myself and my family, but I have always consulted...always.

You know? Those 2 months without the boys changed me. I'd literally never in my life spent that many consecutive days alone. So strange. I thought a lot, I learned to be alone and be comfortable with it. I stressed less about my housework, learned to relax a little bit...I still believe the boys would have done fine with the transition along with me, but it is what it is and it's all done now. As I've said, Sidney has been difficult to deal with at times, but overall he's still his sunny self. Seth is growing so tall and beginning to take interest in older things. We enjoy time together watching "The Big Bang Theory"...our favorite. We discuss music and watch videos together sometimes. It's nice to become his friend, someone he trusts to share his thoughts as well. I'm a happy woman.

There is a little residual drama from the fall. I'm being sued by the landlord from the townhouse. I did break my lease, as you know, but it's for a large sum of cash and for many things I disagree strongly with. My hearing at the Tenancy Board is coming up in a couple of weeks. I've got a couple of people coming as witnesses and I've written a response letter which I faxed a few days ago. All I can do is wait now. I've gotten a little discouraged from time to time considering how big the effects of this...the breakup, the move, the pain...really are. How much it's effected everything. We'll see how it all goes. I've come out of a dark place in my life with a much stronger mindset. I won't be fooled again my friends. I'm doing this my way now. It's all about the princess.

Tracy and Baden are coming for the weekend. I'm so excited! Making a big turkey tomorrow and all the trimmings. I've got the boys right through until Monday morning...sweet!

A little over a year ago, I wrote this post when Seth lost a tooth. I'm not so good at remembering to do the tooth/money exchange. I will think of it when they go to bed, then forget by the time I go to bed. Sidney last his first tooth a couple of weeks ago and I forgot AGAIN! I snuck in after he'd gotten up in the morning and he just figured she came late. :) So, yesterday, they EACH lost a tooth! I fear Seth will eventually need braces. He has teeth growing up over the others...you know how that sometimes happens. Anyhow, since both boys had lost teeth, it was essential that I remember to play tooth fairy. I'm pleased to say that I managed to do it with finesse. Both boys are happy this morning.

~very enthusiastic about losing his first tooth~

~his shirt says: "My Mom Is #1"~

I will take some pictures of the boys over the weekend so you can see how big they have gotten. I'd really like to get Tracy to take pics of the 3 of us also. I don't have enough of those.

Happy Easter Everyone!

kisses

the princess

RRRRR! why do the words get all scrunched like that? I've edited it 3 times, and still all stuck together.

Tagged in a meme

2009-02-14T12:16:00.006-05:00

The lovely sexywhispers has tagged me in a meme. In her own special way she has taken it to a sexy level. I think I'll do it both ways just for fun.

The rules:
1. Link to the person that tagged you
2. Post the rules on your blog
3. Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself
4. Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs
5. Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.
6. Let your tagger know when your entry is up.

So here we go then...

1. quirk: I always screw the lid back onto a pop bottle too tightly. Sometimes I really struggle to re-open them. Little running joke with Seth and I.

2. non-important thing: My hands get so dry and sore in the winter. I have to apply cream several times a day.

3. habit: I have a bagel and a coffee every morning for breakfast.

4. quirk: I am pretty stubborn. Once I get an idea in my head I can't stop thinking about it.

5. non-important thing: I'm clumsy and I give myself mild abrasions on a regular basis.

6. habit: I will spend time (sometimes almost 2 hours) straightening my hair simply because I enjoy the warmth and I like for it to be very straight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. sexy quirk: I need lots of random kisses and hugs.

2. non-important sexual thing: I like to cuddle, but I definitely need my own space to sleep.

3. sexy habit: I get very caught up in passionate kisses.

4. sex quirk: I am a boobie/butt flasher

5. non-important sexual thing: I can't think of anything unimportant other than the sleeping thing. It all matters.

6. sexy habit: While in a relationship, I tend to get cranky if I don't get sex at least a couple of times a week. Preferably more, thank you.

I would kinda like to tag, but I'm really not sure who's still keeping up here since my little hiatus. If you would like to do this please comment and let me know.

I'll send messages to the following bloggers though:

suzel's sass
verbal sid
mommato2
passion of the dale

Another snow day and some random dancing for you

2009-02-12T09:24:00.006-05:00

Man, it never fails. If the boys are here, it storms and school get cancelled. Don't get me wrong, I love hanging out with them for the day, but sucks to loose the money of course. I'll take a vacation day to make it up. Luckily a new year has begun.

Does anyone remember or know about Pop Shoppe Pop? It was a childhood favorite of mine. They had the most amazing yummy flavours. Mom used to get it for us on birthdays, or just once in a while for a treat. I was at the bank downtown a couple of weeks ago and popped into the store next door for a moment. I couldn't believe my eyes when I glanced at the cooler...OMG it's pop shoppe pop! Holy crow, do they have any black cherry? mmmmm

**i haven't even opened it yet--saving it for a rainy day!*

In other news, Seth was on the computer this morning watching youtube videos and happened to play one that his friend made. Man, I had to laugh! He's been over before and he's just hilarious. He's one of those kids who laughs at himself all the time. I hope you enjoy...I just had to turn my head and ask: "Did he just say *it's time for random dancing*??" lol

By the way, the lovely sexywhispers has tagged me in a meme. She loves to put a sexy spin on things so watch out mmmkay? I'll be working on that today or tomorrow.

This and that...random stuff

2009-02-02T10:10:00.006-05:00

My child still appears to be possessed by the devil. The first couple of days weren't too bad, in fact, I had just commented to their father on the phone what a good boy he'd been when all hell broke loose! I was telling Sid it was bedtime (a little early because he was flippin his lid)and I had to pick him up (while he clung to the stair rail and screamed like a banshee) to take him upstairs. He simply said "No! I'm not going to bed!!!". In the process, he proclaimed in an extremely loud voice how mean I was to him, and how I was not a nice mama...and he tried to bite me twice. Not cool. Ah well, the joys of parenting. I truly believe it will just take time for him to re-adjust to our new circumstance. I believe he is testing me since there is no longer someone here to back me up when problems arise. I think he is finding that it's not really working out all that well. He no longer has any toys in his room. They are all in the storage closet where they will remain until the demon is gone.

Seth traded the electric guitar his father bought him for a bass guitar. He is thrilled beyond measure! He ended up going to his dad's Saturday night just so he could see it. The very idea that it was there and he wouldn't see it until Monday was just too much to bare (or bear?) for him I guess. He was going on Sunday anyhow for a birthday party, so it was fine. It was pleasant to spend an day with just Sidney also. I think it helps a little.

Yesterday, Sid and I went to visit Midge and help prepare for miss Kaira's 5th birthday party. We all went swimming later in the afternoon, followed by pizza and cake. After that was over we drove out to pick up Seth. On the way back home Sidney said something funny...

"Hey mama, did you find a nice guy to marry yet?"

what? Do I seem that desperate? Naw, just kidding! I know they are just looking out for my happiness. Funny hey? I just said that no, I hadn't but that's ok. I'm very happy the way things are.

Later on after Sidney was tucked into bed, Seth suggested that I try E-Harmony to find my match. Bwaa Haa Haa! Again, just looking out for my happiness.

I told him that I really didn't want a boyfriend/relationship in my life right now and that I wanted it to be just us 3 for a while. He seems satisfied. I also reassured him that I do have friends and I do have things to pass my time. It's ok, really.

Seth tells me every day he's here how much he loves our new place. We are all feeling very comfortable and happy in our new surroundings, that being said, these are my little peeves:

every evening between appox. 6:30-8:00, we have no hot water. I think they must have too small of a hot water tank to accommodate all the units. It's a minor inconvenience since the boys are only here every second week. I just have to alternate bath nights and get them done early in the evening.

my assigned parking spot is across the street, not in my lot. strange, but true. the nice thing is that I can look out my front window and have a clear view of my car, but the downside is that we have to walk a little further in the slush, snow and ice to get to it.

coin laundry. i cannot express to you all how much i miss my washer and dryer. i have discovered that friday and saturday nights are excellent for getting it all done. there are 3 washers and 3 dryers. i did 5 loads on friday night. not too bad, but still a pain.

That all being said, it's still quite wonderful to be here and to have my life back on track. I am feeling so positive it's not even funny. I'm glad to be back.

kisses,

the princess

ps: I noticed on my last post that the comment line keeps disappearing. strange.

Let me do it!

2009-01-29T12:40:00.008-05:00

Seth has really begun to develop his own unique tastes in music, art and entertainment. He has taken a real liking to Mad TV, have you seen it? Some of the skits are too mature in content for him but he'll turn it off if asked to do so. He favorite character is Stuart. He is often scanning youtube to watch the different scenes. I've decided to share this one with you, cause if you are unfamiliar with Stuart, he's got the devil in him just like my little bubba!

School was cancelled today due to inclement weather. Oh the joys of Nova Scotia! It looks absolutely fine out there, but having just gotten back to regular time with the boys I have to say it's nice to take a day off with them.

Before bed last night, Sidney threw the biggest fit. He tends to repeat himself and raise his voice when he doesn't get what he wants. I had to drag him upstairs to bed, push him to brush his teeth, and listen to him screech because "he wanted to play playstation2--not go to bed!" This morning was no different. He just doesn't listen all that well sometimes even though the rules don't change. He tries my patience very much and is damn lucky he's so cute.

I know I haven't been around all that much. I have been writing, but just elsewhere. I am doing very well and just finding my groove in my new single status. I still don't go out much but last week was an exception. I had plans every night but one the whole time the boys were at their dad's. Man, I have to say I was a little overwhelmed, but I had a lot of fun as well. I actually had a dinner date with a man I met in the fall. I'm not used to this dating stuff and I'm not looking for a relationship at all, but it was nice to have good conversation and enjoy a meal out. Free food is always good. We'll see if he calls again.

After all this time blogging, I finally figured out how to insert a video into a post! Progress is marvelous.

Back to life, back to reality

2009-01-10T15:58:00.004-05:00

The last couple of weeks have gone by very quickly. I am done moving for a long time to come. I plan on staying right here until I buy a house, which I don't expect to do anytime real soon.

The boys came home yesterday. They are here for the next 9 days, then back to dad's for 7, then completely back to normal. How great is that? After putting all my stuff away, the more I look around, the more I love my new place. It was freshly painted and carpeted just before we got here so it's very perfect.

I can't tell you how great I feel having gotten things all back together again. All I could think of yesterday was...

I'm getting my balance back.
I'm getting my life back.
I'm getting my boys back.
I'm home.

So far 2009 is looking pretty good. I can't believe all the things going on with the boys these days! They are growing so tall and learning so many new things. It's not like I haven't seen or talked to them, it's just things I haven't told you yet that are certainly a great deal more noticeable when they are here. For instance, Seth told me some time ago that he and his buddies were taking girls to the Valentines dance at school. By the time his cousin came to visit close to Christmas, he was telling him how he had the phone number of the prettiest girl in the school and he had the piece of paper to prove it! I honestly don't know whether to laugh or cry. How did he go from being my little boy to this oh so tall "tween" as he calls it? Wow.

Sidney is his usual ball of energy. He's been somewhat difficult through this fall. He's been missing me and acting out some. He's normally very dramatic, but it seems to be getting even harder to get through to him in those moments when he's frustrated or whatever. He's a sunny, good natured little guy, just starts wailing at the first sign of "NO!". He's really glad to be back with me and I am hoping things will tone down for him shortly. School is going well for him, and he has made a couple of great friends. No worries in the comprehension department with the french immersion either. All is well.

I am happy now. Moving on to a more positive phase of life. Ahhh...

You need a tiara

2008-12-31T16:03:00.002-05:00

updates first...

I have moved every item I own (with the exception of a parring knife that I can't find) into my new apartment. I am so pleased to finally have all my stuff back. I love looking around at my pictures, my piggies (yeah, I collect them, so what?), and all my other things. Tracy came to visit yesterday (for the 3rd time in 2 months I might add) and helped me unpack and organize everything. I invited a few people over for a little New Years Eve party tonight and it was wonderful to have her help me get everything ready. Lucky me, lucky me!

I stopped at a little corner store the other night and the sweet Chinese man who works there noticed my key chain which says "Call me Princess" and commented with a smile.

I said, "Yeah, I also have a princess lamp in my bedroom"

He laughs and says, "You need a tiara."

"Oh I already have one of those." which got him laughing a lot.

I left the store with a happy little feeling that I get when I have a pleasant conversation with a stranger. (well, I do see him there sometimes, but you know what I mean.)

Happy New Year everyone! 2009 is going to be a fresh new start. I am happy and looking so forward to my future.

kisses,

the princess

Closer to Home

2008-12-25T13:09:00.006-05:00

Sorry if I alarmed anyone with my absence. November was a month for hibernating, and December was a month for re-gaining personal strength and getting everything back on track. I am 90% moved in to my new apartment. I still have my bed, 1 bunk bed, my computer desk plus a few boxes here, but my storage unit is cleared out and I will be unpacking over the weekend. Perhaps not ideal for the holiday season, but it works well for me. I will be nesting and waiting for the return of my routine with the boys. I am so very happy and excited to be self-sufficient again. It makes me feel much calmer.

I got my hair cut and have decided that I need to go shorter and a little different next time. Change in stages is better for me. I want you all to know that I have been feeling very positive about myself and getting through everything ok. I had a little relapse of emotion at the end of November that I had to work through but I feel much stronger today.

Merry Christmas to all of you! For those of you celebrating and observing other holidays, I wish you the very best as well. It was my turn to have the boys for Christmas Eve and Christmas morning this year. We had an early celebration this past weekend with my cousin and her son. (Check out those lobsters. Don't they look YUMMY!) Today I feel very blessed to have had time with family and be surrounded with love. It was a small Christmas this year, but I did right by the boys and they had a lot of fun this morning. Santa gave them great gifts indeed. I am heading to Becca's for dinner and drinks tonight. I'm sure we'll have a great time.

mmmmm...lobster! starting my new family tradition

Here we are in front of my pretty tree

I promise I'll come back.

kisses,

the princess

My new favorite tv show

2008-12-01T20:13:00.003-05:00

Has to be "The Big Bang Theory". It's freakin hilarious! My favorite character is Sheldon. You should definitely check it out. Makes me laugh my ass off. Just wanted to share a new discovery. It's on CBS on Monday nights by the way.

kisses

the princess

Guitar Princess

2008-11-26T21:24:00.003-05:00

I haven't returned the borrowed playstation2. I have been playing it instead. I am at a slight disadvantage as there is no memory card so once I turn it off, my Princess career is over. I got down to the 4th section of songs tonight. I had to do 2 encores and a battle to get there. I f**king rock! Guitar Hero told me so. I might play a little tomorrow night so I got it back to the main screen, switched over to the cable box and left the power on the game. Is that bad for it? I don't want to ruin it but I sure do want to continue with my song choices. It took me some sweating and sore fingers so I am just not ready to stop yet. Obsessed much?

Keep in mind this is the one and only video game I play or have any interest in playing. I love playing when I'm alone because I get distracted when someone talks to me. See? I'm keeping myself busy.

My kids are the bomb! Little geniuses I tell ya!

2008-11-24T10:13:00.003-05:00

I had my boys for the weekend and boy, did we have fun! As you know, their father had some issues with my temporary living accommodations and decided to keep them the majority of the time until I move into my new place at the beginning of January. Being the older son, Seth has a pretty good understanding of the situation but Sidney has a different view. We were walking back from the local Tim Horton's yesterday when he pipes up:

sid~"Mama, why do we have to wait such a long, long, long time to see you and we see Daddy more?"

me~"Well, Daddy just thought it might be better until I get all our stuff into the new place. It's not much longer now Bubba then everything will go back to normal."

sid~"Well, I want it back to normal now."

me~"Me too Sidney."

Then at bedtime he says:

sid~"Mama, are you picking us up tomorrow?"

me~"No, Daddy is picking you up."

sid~"Awwww...I want to come back here with you. Mama, I don't think you should have made that deal."

Out of the mouths of babes, wha?

We had a snow storm on Friday night. Since I had heard all the weather warnings, I collected the boys and we went to rent movies, I bought a shovel and a scraper, and whatever snacks we needed to spend the weekend at home. A friend of mine was even kind enough to let us borrow a playstation2 so we could play guitar hero!

Seth and I spent some quality time cuddling up watching tv once Sidney had gone to bed. He seems to be doing well and patiently waiting to get all his packed stuff back in his possession. He is a quiet thinker that boy, so he probably only says a portion of what's really on his mind. I am glad to see that he is doing well though. Grades are staying completely level...not to brag, but they are both near or at the top of their classes! It was such a great weekend and I am very grateful that we had such a nice time...snow storm and all. It's only another 5 weeks. What's that in a lifetime really?

My back is sore today from all the shoveling! Come on, rain! Wash this all away before the snow comes again.

Are you prepared for winter?

2008-11-20T10:32:00.002-05:00

It snowed last night. This was the first "real" snowfall of 2008. It did snow on Tuesday as well, but it melted as soon as it hit the ground. Yesterday started off the same way. Really big, wet flakes of snow were falling like mad all afternoon making the ground and roads very wet. I came home, took a hot shower and settled in for the night with the curtains closed. It wasn't until a couple hours later when I was talking to the boys that I looked out and realized that the snow as actually staying on the ground! Oh crap, do I hate the snow. It looks pretty, sure but you still have to shovel it and drive in it. It occurred to me then that my ice scraper is in a box in my storage unit. Not performances my friends, not performance.

This morning I awoke to a mini winter wonderland and my first thought was..."How the hell am I going to get all the snow off my car?"

I went out to investigate the situation. I unlocked the car door and pried it open so I could start it. Then I went to work with my gas card. Hmmm...this isn't going to work. There's ice under that snow. What can I use? So, I remove my house key from my key chain and head back into the warmth to collect my thoughts.

Here's a mental picture for you...have you ever seen someone scrape their windshield with a spatula? Well, if you had been driving by my place this morning that's exactly what you would have seen. I sort of hid it a little from passing pedestrians as I must admit I felt a little silly. It did get the job done though. I think I will head to Wal-Mart on the way home after work and get myself a real scraper with the brush on the other end. I believe I am going to need it.

Adjusting to the newness of it all

2008-11-17T21:49:00.002-05:00

I have been wanting to write, yet not feeling like actually doing it. I have been a negligent blogger and reader lately. I try to take a peek at a few, but just haven't really been into it much. Everything has changed. Things feel so different and new. I am beginning to feel happier inside. I haven't cried in several days. This feels good. I find that I have withdrawn somewhat though. I often choose to spend time alone instead of going out and I don't even feel bad about it. I am just adjusting.

The boys are, in fact spending more time at their father's. Once I had that accident and everything I just didn't have any more fight. Please understand I did not give up my boys or anything foolish like that. They are coming for some weekends and for Christmas of course. It's so unnatural seeming to not have anyone here to care for. Just me. I will have you know I have been eating more and feeling stronger too. I am healing. Still sad sometimes, but better for sure. I have already secured our permanent residence for January 1st. Everything is coming together and I am feeling positive I assure you.

Suddenly I have all this time yet nothing to do with it all. Sometimes I don't even want to do anything. Not even this. I just think. I try to get used to the silence. This is such a temporary thing and it will be over before I can turn, so I can totally deal, but I am still overcome by the feeling of newness.

I happen to be living close to my friend/co-worker and we are going to walk together. It's getting pretty cold outside, but it's still nice. I do have snowpants if it gets that cold. Weather can change on a dime here in Nova Scotia. Just gotta stay warm is all.

A Princess Funny from back in the day

2008-11-15T16:08:00.002-05:00

As you know I have been quite taken with the facebook since spring of 2007. I have re-connected with many old and dear friends and more than a few acquaintances as well. Anyhow, one such friend sent me a message shortly after we became "facebook friends" saying that he remembered passing notes with me in junior high. Why do I not remember this? Probably because I was passing notes with many friends...both boys and girls. Back to the story...

He sent me a message last evening when I logged in saying that he had been to his parent's place and dug out the notes. He said he had lots from many people. Must have been some interesting reading I think. Our conversation went like this:

old friend: "I found one from you on the day you tripped me."

me: "I tripped you? That wasn't very nice."

old friend: "Yeah, you apologised in the note."

me: "What did I say?"

old friend: "You said *sorry I tripped you at lunch today, but I couldn't resist*"

me: *cackling at my computer for a minute* then I typed "man, what a bitch I was, but that's really funny."

old friend: "totally."

Healing with Twinkle

2008-11-06T21:24:00.002-05:00

My friend's place is very nice. She has each room painted in a different earth tone. She has a lot of candle holders and sconces and some white lights above the china cabinet for soft evening light. She also has them all around the fence of the backyard. There's this funky little hanging lamp in the bedroom that has little stars and moons cut out and that's where the light shines though. Perhaps I need to take a picture of it to show you. Soothing and soft. Ahhhhh

The boys are coming home tomorrow and my cousin and her son are visiting as well. I am really looking forward to a weekend with my family. This is a healing place my friends. And that's just what I am beginning to do. Re-read this post if you have another moment. The process has begun.

A post from the Sassy Suzel

2008-11-01T23:26:00.002-04:00

So my friend, Princess in the House, asked if I wanted to write a post for her blog. I was sent these cute “children’s funnies” today, so I thought I’d share.

1. NUDITY A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement an d then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'

2. OPINION On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'

3. RELIGION A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.'What have you got there, dear?'With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'

4) POLICE It was the end of the day when a police officer parked his van in front of the station. Gathering his equipment, his K-9 partner, Jake, was barking. A little boy walked up and asked the officer “Is that a dog you got back there?““Yes it is” the officer replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at officer and then back in the van and finally asked, “What'd he do?”

I mean Really, who throws a shoe anyway?

2008-10-28T20:25:00.004-04:00

You know the expression “waiting for the other shoe to drop”? Well, they seem to be just falling from the sky. I have to break this up into manageable pieces as I do have a tendency to jump around. My thoughts flit…you know this.

Yesterday:

I have been taking an early lunch breaks because it’s generally busier in the afternoon and everyone is trying to get out for a break. It just makes it easier and I don’t really mind. I was coming back from lunch and at a busy intersection just about a minute from work as I turned into the right turning lane and yielded to oncoming traffic. I was waiting the green car pass when this BIG ASS yellow company truck (not my company of course) did not yield, therefore rear-ending me with a HUGE FREAKIN BANG! My car lurched forward, luckily not into traffic. I was able to get it to the shoulder of the road and turn it off. Then the hyperventilation set in.

*first thought*~~shit! Now I have to miss more time at work, just what I need…followed by a mental string of vile curses. It was pouring rain and I called work immediately to ask someone to come help me deal (since I am on the verge of hysteria and need reason), then I kinda rub my neck and get out to look at the back of the car. I spend a very short time examining the back (not realizing the damage on the right side at that point). Driver gets in to write down his info and ask if I’m ok. I tell him that it wouldn’t be so bad if I hadn’t already been having a few nasty days before.

I spent the entire afternoon at emergency. Unfortunately, I met no cute ambulance drivers, police, nurses or doctors. Apparently the fireman was good looking but I couldn’t turn my head to look. Anyhow, I had my first ambulance ride and cursed the entire ride there. So…I have whiplash. NICE. You do realize that I’m moving this week right? Packing’s gonna be a bitch.

Thursday:

Shortly after 4:30pm that day I received a call at work from one of the leaders at the morning/after school program. For the second week in a row he had been short, rude and disrespectful to her, therefore he would be suspended from the club for a day. He is normally quite well behaved so there’s something up. I called to tell his father and he got angry first, then told me Seth has been asking to see a therapist. I do not object to this, it’s just a lot to absorb all at once. I finished work and went to collect the boys. I told Seth to go to his room and read and that we would talk about it later. We talked. I am sad for him. I don’t know what’s wrong and we aren’t who he wants to talk to. This is going to be good for him I think. Just a scary new phase.

So, after the boys settled in for bed their father called back.

Baby daddy~~”I am worried about their behavior lately and think that they should stay with me for the next 2 months while you are in transition. That would be best, don’t you think? All settled in the new apartment?” sigh “Princess, it makes me sick to my stomach to have to call. I know you have been dealing with a lot of things right now and maybe this will be better for them.”

Mental me~~”NOOOOOOOOOOOO! I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT THEM. PLEASE DON’T TAKE THEM FROM ME. I NEED THEM. I BETTER GET SOMETHING IN WRITING!

Aloud~~”I’m not sure I can handle that. I’m not sure they can. We need to talk to them.” *of course there was quite a bit of tears on my end as well.*

Ok my friends…so I understand all the practical reasons, the transition period and all of that. My rational mind tells me that even if this happens it’s not the end of the world. I can still see them on weekends and go to their activities. I still have them for Christmas Eve. I can see the upside. I can exercise every day and get into a balanced routine so that when they come back I am more healed and more healthy. *incidentally I am shrinking a little…trying to keep it under control* But, then there’s this whole other part of me that is just losing it. These are my children. How can I not see them when I am supposed to see them? How much will they miss me? I have been crying for days.

Saturday:

The ex boyfriend dropped his son off for a sleepover. He spoke with each of my boys (which was very nice) and we had a sweet, civilized, positive conversation ourselves. I never ever like for things to end on bad terms and with angry feelings, so it was comforting (even though I still know I need time all alone to heal). You have to know how much confusion was running through my brain. I wanted to hold him close, you know? It was nice, but it’s still over.

Today:

Whiplash is a bitch. Insurance companies can be difficult, but I happen to have a great broker. She hooked me up with a nice agent at my insurance company who has already begun handling all the details. I worked half the day then came home to rest as my neck is really sore as well as my right shoulder and forearm. No bruising, no deployment of the airbag. Lucky me.

Baby daddy called back and wants to sit the boys down sometime this week to tell them they are staying with him for a while. The man has spoken. Shit! I could go to my lawyer and fix this…but I am not going to. I just want a document that we can both sign with witnesses that I will have my boys back with me as soon as this transition is done and lots of visits in the interim.

I am overwhelmed. Any words you can give me to make me feel better? Aside from saying good thing I was in a car and not walking? Cause that would suck. Scroll down to the last couple of posts…had some guests in the princess house.

whew...that was really long.

I got to rest now.

kisses
the princess

Mariposa's Haiku

2008-10-27T18:58:00.004-04:00

Back to My Future

it's over now, it was fun while it lasted,

that i've come to accept

why it happened, how it happened and what happened

dont hold meaning now

it's time to move on

i've got my sanity back

and i'm keeping it

Mariposa inspires me with her posts every week and I am so glad she decided to write something that ties in so well to me right now.

My Addiction

2008-10-22T18:38:00.005-04:00

Princess here. Just letting you know that this post has been brought to you by the classically witty and often sarcastic Sid...all the way from South Africa. Enjoy!

Hi, my name is Sid and I’m an addict. They say that admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery.

Well, I’ve been clean for two months now. I’ve told everyone that I no longer constantly crave the high I once experienced when I’d had my first taste, just over two years ago. I had convinced myself that I had finally found inner peace and that I could do this by myself. I was determined to beat this. I couldn’t erase the image of comforting my future son or the image of me wrapped up securely in the arms of my future husband, from constantly entering my mind. And I knew that the only way that I could ever attain any of this, the life I have always desired and yearned for, was if I gave up this habit of degradation. So I quit cold turkey and everything was going along just fine until yesterday.

All it took was one little whiff of the good stuff and before I knew it I had fallen off the wagon. Here I am at work at 8 in the morning and all I could think of is when I can get my next fix. My need is so bad that I neglected to do any actual work. Instead I spent all of my time thinking of ways to raise enough cash to score. Various schemes entered my head, each one as ludicrous as the next. My bursary would only be coming in next year and I couldn’t wait that long. I need cash now! No the only option left to me was to sell my kidneys. I hear you can make R10 000, which is all I really needed for a plane ticket to Pakistan. Yes my friends I am addicted to travelling.

Now I bet all of you are probably wondering what a charismatic, beautiful, intelligent, eloquent, hilarious, humble girl like me could possibly want to see or do in Pakistan. And I wish I was capable of giving you an answer that gave the impression that I had spend hours reading up on the history and culture of Pakistan. But the truth is that I am a dipshit who took one look at the following picture before deciding that I JUST HAVE TO GO to Pakistan even if it meant selling my body – and inevitably my soul – to raise the cash for the trip.

Now I know that many people would say that I am brave (code word for crazy) to attempt crossing a rickety bridge like that. The thing is that I don’t classify myself as brave (mentally unstable). Everything scares me. Everything! And I know that if I ever make it to that bridge I’d be cursing like nobody’s mother fucking business but I’d force myself to go through with it. I can see myself now, standing there, trying my utmost to control my breathing, wanting nothing more than to turn around. But I’ll do it because every time I do something that scares the shit out of me (not literally) I gain something. There’s this amazing feeling of triumph because you haven’t allowed fear to control the way you live life.

The thing is that I know me. I am the most fickle person you will ever meet. If I don’t follow through with this in the next couple of months I’ll never go. Remember Ecuador? Two years ago I proclaimed that Ecuador was my “destiny”. (Yes, I use words like destiny and fate. Yes, I occasionally read my horoscopes and watch Oprah aka Our Saviour. What? Don’t judge!) Now if you were to ask me about Ecuador my reply will be a very articulate “bleh”. I am simply incapable of sustaining enthusiasm for anything for longer than four months. That’s just who I am and I make no apologies for this.

Alone but not lonely

2008-10-18T20:11:00.003-04:00

Through the course of my longest relationship (with the boys' father) I was no stranger to being alone. He went away sometimes for months at a time. I was accustomed to alone time. Of course, I did have my child/children to keep me occupied and focused and also the financial security and knowledge of the return of said partner, which made it all right.

I have always floated from one relationship to another. I love to be loved and need to love others. I am very nervous of strangers and usually make a choice to date someone I have known and become friends with. I can't explain it, I'm just telling you how it is. My problem is *well, perhaps there is more than just 1, but only this one for today* that I seem to lose myself in relationships. It is my nature to please others. I begin to neglect my own thoughts and feelings in some ways and don't always notice until it's too late.

Now I am alone. Yes, I have my children and they are a great comfort because I will always get to love them and they will always return it. We are a family...but wait! I have to share them with their father. I only get them half the time. It took me years to adjust and look at the positive of that situation (although I would never have done it any differently). I always looked at it like I am missing half of their lives. I was able to deal with it because there was always a man in my life to help me adjust. Someone for me to love and care for but now I truly am alone.

I am always looking at the time. *watch out! the princess is on a verbal roll now!* I have always been very time conscious...always. Mostly because I always have someone to take care of, someone to get home to. Does that make sense? I was out with Becca today and for the first time in a very long time, I had absolutely no schedule...and I was actually willing to put on some make-up, do my hair and socialize for a change. I have been spending an awful lot of time at home by myself when the boys are gone. I have been doing a great deal of thinking. Sometimes I come home and don't even turn on the tv or music all evening. Sometimes I just play solitaire and turn things over in my mind. Sometimes I pace and tidy up the house as I walk around. I have just recently gotten back into watching some of my shows. Just a few weeks ago I didn't have enough focus on any show to repeat back what was just said. What I crave though, is human contact. I love phone calls. My girls call and check up on me, or more often I call them when I feel like gabbing. It's ok to just talk on the phone because I don't always actually want to have someone here with me. I feel very sad and I still sometimes cry, but it's not bad...just really different. I check my blog/fb/e-mail all the time. I don't know what I'm waiting for though, it's just a bizarre little habit I have started. I suspect I will obsess about it less and less as time passes. I think at first I would check in hopes of hearing from "the ex"...but I don't look for that anymore. It's not that I don't miss him because I do, but I have a responsibility myself and to my boys and things to do with my friends. I have a job and a life to lead and that's just what I plan to do.

I have been giving a lot of thought to blogging and what I love about it. I love the interaction with all of you. I love that I will sometimes get a call or e-mail from a friend who read something and wanted to comment on it too. It makes me feel good when I get feedback because I love attention...I AM a princess don't ya know! haha...Actually, I also love the feedback because perspective is good. Experience is good. People are interesting and it's cool to connect about feelings with others. I have come in contact with some amazing people during my life and also here on my blog travels. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I have asked a few fine ladies to do guest posts for me. I received a great one from Sid which I plan to post on Monday. I might even wait until Tuesday because it would be a shame if you all missed it! Stay tuned.

kisses,

the princess

Happy Birthday Seth!

2008-10-14T22:23:00.003-04:00

My son is 11 today. I can't believe it's been that long. Makes me feel just a little older today for some reason. That's all right though, I can handle it. I am so very impressed with Seth right now. Through the current situation here at home he has been wonderful. He is sensitive to the fact that I am sad, and he watches me closely to make sure I am ok. If he hears me sniffle, he asks how I am and offers me a hug. I always assure him that I will probably be sad for a while but that I will get used to it and everything will be just fine. He has been a great support to me.

This past Saturday night I invited Seth's 2 best school buddies to sleep over and celebrate his birthday. One of the boys has slept over many times and his younger brother come too so that Sidney wouldn't feel left out. It worked out quite well except that buddy #1 hadn't ever had a sleepover before and was a little nervous. He also has reflux and ate something before coming over that didn't agree with him. He called his poor mother at midnight to pick him up. Awww...maybe another time then. Next! Buddy #2 has asthma. He coughed a lot but managed to get some sleep. We acquired a cat since last time he stayed and it wasn't very good. He had taken a different bag to carry his things and didn't have his puffer. I called his mom, picked her up at her mom's to take her home to get his medicine. That was shortly after 9 on Sunday morning. Despite the craziness, all 5 boys had a great time playing and enjoying time together. It was funny to listen to their little conversations. A good time was had by all...minus the illnesses of course.

What the H-E-double hockey sticks should I do with all these boxes?

2008-10-13T13:27:00.007-04:00

Holy crap there's a lot of stuff to pack in this house. It's my first packing day since it's a long weekend (Happy Thanksgiving by the way...let's hear it for Canada!) and I am alone for my day off. I set some boxes upright and taped them strong. I have removed things from drawers (starting in the living room) and all I have to do is get at it.

Here's the problem...I don't want to! Packing sucks. I always have trouble getting started. There is a loose prong on the back of my tv so my plan to watch last week's CSI Miami and Prison Break as I pack is kaput. I've got no picture. I can listen to music but it just isn't the same. Boy do I hate a thwarted plan.

Note to self : *consider getting a new tv this spring*.

K, so I just got a call from Midge and she gave me a pep talk. I can't believe it's already so late in the day! Gawd, I am still obsessing in my head about the tv as I write this post! I have to end this and get started. I made a pot of coffee and took every book off the bookshelf on my way back to the computer. I have to separate things as some will go with us to my friends place, while the rest will go into storage. I have to pack all my everyday needs last obviously. I can live without the nic-nacs and pictures for the next while. Here I go...wish me luck. :)

Landing on my feet with cat like stealth

2008-10-08T21:13:00.005-04:00

When difficult situations arise, Mama Bear jumps out. On occasion it's more like a Mama Lion. I have trouble with change.

Change is good right?

Nope. I still don't like it. In this case though, I had to make some choices purely based on the well being and security of my children. I have the car now and my expenses have increased since I moved here while household income has drastically decreased just recently. It's all good...mama worked it out. The problem is not really change itself, it's the process of getting from point A to B. I get myself all worked up but...something was different this time. I actually had a lot of clarity. I worked out the details as best I could and researched my options with focus and determination.

I feel very blessed to have good people in my life. I received an email last week from a friend of mine. It was only a couple of sentences but I couldn't help but cry. She said "why don't you just put your stuff in storage for a bit and stay at my place? I can stay at my guy's place and you can bring the boys' bunk beds and a couple of dressers. That way you'll have your finances worked out and able to get your new place." I already worked out all the details of the new place. The issue is the loss of the damage deposit here (I have to break my lease-damned if I do, damned if I don't kind of thing) and coming up with another deposit (1/2 a month's rent).

How kind and generous. Really and truly I am grateful. Much like pinkpiddypaws (I would link it if I wasn't being lazy) I have trouble accepting help from others but am happy to give it. I had to think about this one for a couple of days but I feel good about my choice to accept her help.

Today is a good day. I spoke with my brother the genius on the phone for the first time in over a year. I always feel such joy when I talk to him. I also saw my guardian mom (who I haven't seen in a couple of years) on Sunday. We went to get the boys from their father's place and enjoyed a lovely afternoon together. Tomorrow is a new day. Each one gets a little more normal. I have to move at the end of the month so I won't post much. Perhaps I need to call on some sweet guest bloggers? Hmmm?

it's bedtime...

kisses

the princess

Time Heals

2008-10-04T22:12:00.005-04:00

Here's a good song for Saturday...

Better in Time

This is just a very lovely song. For me it has only been a short time but I know it really will be better as the months pass. I think the lyrics of this song are positive and helpful.

Rash Decisions

2008-10-03T23:24:00.002-04:00

I walked into Di's office the other day and quite boldly announced..."I was thinking I might chop my hair." *indicating and inverted bob with my hands*

Di: "NO! Don't cut your hair. I will never talk to you again. Wait until you're sane!"

I shriveled a little and said..."Ok, I'll wait."

Thank godness for good friends to keep me in line.

I've been meaning to do this post for a while now

2008-10-02T20:29:00.017-04:00

Here are a few shots from Becca's wedding at the beginning of August. Keep in mind that I was in the wedding party so I really don't have too many pictures of the actual event.

Me and Becca's fabulously gay cousin PJ. We became friends as soon as we met and before I knew it he had offered to give me my curly doo for the wedding. He got really drunk the night before and I was thrilled that he still hauled ass over to do it.

Thanks again PJ. I got my eyebrows done the day before the wedding. They are a little narrow for my taste, but it's all good.

I just wanted to show you my pretty shoes, purple toenails, and the big bruise I aquired while decorating the reception hall. I simply cannot wear something pretty without having a bruise.

Keep in mind that PJ was snapping these pics behind the professional photographer, so the angles are off.

The beauty queen herself. What a beautiful bride she was.

According to the local ladies, this was the best "Garter Dance" ever. They had never seen someone dance to the entire song before! I happen to think that it's awesome that the groom actually has to WORK for that garter belt...and why shouldn't he? She's worth it. The dance was really quite impressive--complete with a backspin and everything. Becca chose "Billy Jean". Excellent choice my friend.

On the Upside...

2008-09-30T20:23:00.003-04:00

My skinny jeans fit!!!

'nuf said

Breaking Up: from heartache to happiness in 48 pages

2008-09-29T19:39:00.002-04:00

One of my girls gave me the sweetest little book to read.

It's not quite as cute without the little cartoon gal but I think you'll enjoy it.

First Page says only "The End"

Being alone is one thing.

Being left alone is another.

As soon as you're told you are no longer wanted or loved...

your self-image takes a turn for the worse,

and you begin to hurt.

You feel inept, inadequate...

and positively good-for-nothing.

However--with some effort--you can make yourself smile.

To show there are no hard feelings, help him pack his belongings.

Begin with his laundry. You want to be sure he as clean undies. (Don't forget to starch them well.)

As you pack his socks, keep one from each pair. (Purely for sentimental reasons, of course.)

Make sure he has his favorite pajamas...*feeties*

and anything else he can't do without.*she's throwing his junk in a pile*

Give him half of everything. *cutting shirts in half*

Then say good-bye...

And don't look back.

Even though there are some things you can't do alone...

*see-saws, dancing, boating/water skiing, tennis*

Count your blessings!

Notice how the seat isn't left up anymore...

and how there's never any question about who ate the last chocolate chip cookie.

Enjoy your newly acquired wardrobe space...

and while you're at it, get rid of those silly things he expected you to wear.

Do your weekly grocery shopping. Notice that your bill--like your appetite--is next to nothing

...and delight in the fact that two can't live as cheaply as one.

When whatsisname comes by to say he's sorry, agree with him--and tell him no, you haven't seen his mother's picture, his magazine collection, or his favorite cashmere sweater.

Call all his friends you could never stand but had to tolerate, and tell them what you think of them!

Exercise your independence! *classic burning ceremony*

Weigh yourself. You're getting closer to zero every day. Smile.

Upon retiring, wear the ugliest, most unsexy, sloppy, wonderfully cozy, snug flannel nightgown you own...

Go to bed with dirty teeth.

If sleeping alone isn't your idea of a good time...

one way or another, you'll adjust. *stuffed toys*

Time doesn't fly when you're not having fun.

But that's what time is for...

to make things heal, make things better.

Soon, you'll see that for every problem...

there is a solution.

And by and by, that old feeling called "loneliness"...

begins to feel like something called "freedom."

Last page says only "The Beginning"

Shedding the "blue jogging pants" and getting on with it

2008-09-26T21:21:00.003-04:00

During my senior year in high school a close friend of mine (who shall remain nameless) was devastated by a breakup. I believe they were together an entire 3? 3 1/2 months...anyhow, she was so sad. She used to stay over sometimes and come to school with me in the mornings. She wore the same pair of dark blue jogging pants every day for a month. My sister and I used to wonder aloud why she wouldn't just change her pants already. She just didn't care. She just wanted her comfort. I caught myself slipping into my favorite black gym pants for the 6th day running and decided maybe it was time to change it up a little. Now, I was only putting them on when I got home after work. I did make an effort to choose a different outfit for the 5 day work week. I couldn't be bothered to do my hair though. Ponytails are easier in the summer with the in between curly/straight hair.

Monday the boys came back home. I spent last weekend home alone for the most part. Midge and I (the break-up buddies) hung out a little, but mostly I was here. I haven't been watching much tv. I just don't feel like focusing on it. I did, however, watch American History X on Saturday night and decided to straighten my hair at the same time. I left it that way and had it down for work on Monday morning. I got a great deal of compliments that day.

Funny! I just had another high school memory. The above mentioned nameless friend and I had a theory on high school dances and looking hot. If we just wore nothing special during the week of the upcoming dance, no make-up, nothing fancy but picked something Really great to wear the night of the dance, we were sure to look all the more appealing. What do you think? Did that kind of thought work for any of you in high school? Any little techniques to share?

So, this afternoon at work I had a good laugh. I'm not sure if I should have been laughing about it but it felt good so whatever...

My boss said that I have lost weight, to which I replied "well, I'm eating." and went back to working. He came in later and said he hoped he hadn't offended me. I said "oh no, I just don't really have anything to say about it I guess, but thanks."

I told Di and another girl out back about it as I was getting something in the warehouse for a customer and Di yelled out, "Princess, you sure did lose weight. You lost 150 pounds of boyfriend." I'm not sure why, but I laughed so hard I could have actually peed a little. I didn't say I did by the way, just that I could have.

So What? I'm still a Princess.

2008-09-25T10:36:00.005-04:00

How can you not love Pink? I love this song!

Not saying all the words apply to my particular situation, but this totally kicks ass.

Na na na na na na na...I wanna start a fight!

Failable

2008-09-15T10:23:00.003-04:00

Sometimes even princesses make mistakes. It just so happens that the one I made hurt someone I love very much and caused him to walk away from my life. It remains to be seen if there is anything I can do about it, but for now I just want to say that I accept responsibility for my own actions. I read something recently that really helped me through this week. It's from a self-help book a friend of mine is reading and it goes like this:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you've ever been criticized or rejected or have failed to achieve an important goal, you know how natural it is to feel hurt and disappointed. But if you berate yourself as worthless and unlovable, you'll be giving yourself distorted messages and destroying your self-esteem. Being rejected and failing are universal human experiences. They don't make you "a reject" or "a failure"--they make you a human being.

Even if you behave badly, it won't do much good to write yourself off as a "bad person." You will simply waste time and energy ruminating about how lousy and terrible you are. This will only incapacitate you and make the problem worse. In addition, this is very self-centered because you're entirely caught up in yourself! Genuine self-esteem is based on humility and an acceptance of your shortcomings. This makes it possible to assume responsibility for your actions, to feel remorse, to apologize and make amends, and to get on with productive and joyous living.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Certainly words to live by. This taught me something about myself. I have struggled with esteem issues always, but when I read this I thought to myself "Princess, you love yourself. You really do. You do really stupid things sometimes, but you are not currently suffering from low self-esteem." While this does not take away my sadness, it does allow me to have more positive thoughts. Thank goodness for my children who kept me focused for the past week and a bit. I am alone now. Time to contemplate and just be.

The Workplace Meltdown

2008-09-11T15:26:00.005-04:00

It finally happened. I have been doing so well this week.

I have been going to work, getting plenty done, managing my sadness, but alas...something had to give.

After coming home for lunch and writing the little "happy" post below, it all came crashing in on me...

I was driving back to work and noticed a delivery truck headed my way. We passed one another and guess who it was?

the boyfriend

I didn't get a chance to beep or anything. I was sort of stunned.

Does that make sense? I suppose it is the first time I've seen him in a week. Oh that face!

When I got back to work, couple came in to see one of the salesmen. He wasn't in and they expressed frustration at not having their calls returned. It was a name I recognised because I have been trying to locate some 10 year old paperwork for warranty service for them. I explained that I have not been able to find the box for that year to send reference numbers to the company. The man then wanted me to explain all the details of why I couldn't locate it, what happened to it...whatever.

Honestly, at that moment I didn't give a shit what they wanted.

I wanted to shout at them...

Don't you understand that my boyfriend just left and I really don't want to argue with you over paperwork?!

He's gone! Can you possibly understand that? I am standing here talking to you about stupid paperwork while my life is falling apart around me. Can't you see I am in pain? Can't you see?

Of course, I finished the conversation stating that I would discuss it with the salesman and the manager when they got back to the office, because you know these things always happen when the people in question are out.

I went to the bathroom, sat on the floor and cried. I cried and cried. I felt my body shaking and my breathing get quicker. I went back to my desk did what I could then the boss told me to take off, breathe deep and don't worry. It'll be ok.

I'll be ok...just having a moment. An extremely irrational emotional moment.

Hot Damn!

2008-09-11T12:31:00.002-04:00

So, Seth, Sidney and I were in the car this morning and "In The Ayer" came on the radio. All 3 of us were singing and dancing in our seats. Seth knows almost all the words, although he insists he doesn't really like rap music. A sweet, bright start to my day. Actually, it was really amusing.

Like Being Hit By a Mac Truck

2008-09-10T17:57:00.005-04:00

That's just how I feel. Beaten and Broken.

All I do is think, think, think. It's difficult to shut it off.

Will I see him next week? Is it all over?

Am I prepared to deal?

I am so sad my heart aches.

I know I can deal. I have proven it time and time again.

I will be sad but I will be ok. My children will as well. Either way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I got back from lunch today there was a beautiful bouquet of yellow roses in a vase sitting on my desk...next to it a card.

As you can probably imagine, my mind was reeling!

Could these be from him? We did speak last night.

With shaking hands I opened the card.

My sweet, loving cousin stopped by to bring by a card and flowers to say she was thinking of me. Do you know I haven't even spoken with her at all since this went down? She reads my blog and is on my facebook and just wanted me to know she loved me.

I am kind of glad I wasn't there when she arrived because I don't think I would have been able to keep from crying...not just the streaming tears and sniffling kind either. Nope! The real gushy loud cries that express how I feel right now.

I called her to say thanks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have such special friends and family in my life. Although sometimes I feel all alone because they aren't all close by, I truly value each member of my family and the unique relationships that we share. I am so grateful to have my wonderful, loving, understanding and accepting friends.

I thank all my blogger friends as well. Sometimes it feels good to express myself here to a completely non-biased group of people. Thank you for your good thoughts.

I am managing my days and doing ok. Next week will be tricky because I will be all alone. I have to learn to get used to it.

I have to...

Suck it up, Princess!!!!!!!

Sidney's First Day

2008-09-05T21:12:00.004-04:00

First Day

Every one has a "First Day"

when they feel sad and all alone.

It can be so scary

when you're out on your own.

Take my hankie, dry your tears.

You'll find lots of things to do

and you'll probably make new friends.

I promise we'll be together

when the school day ends.

Here comes the teacher,

blow your nose and be brave.

Come on now wipe your eyes,

this is no way to behave.

"Well good morning teacher.

We really must beg your pardon.

No, Mommy doesn't always act this way

but it's my first day of school."

````````````````````````````````````````````

I met Seth and Sidney at the school on Wednesday morning. My goodness I can't believe they're getting so big and growing up so fast. My baby is in school now and he's going to be just fine. I have been a little pre-occupied this week and completely forgot to bring my camera. I was there though and I saw it. Seth waved us off like an old pro...grade 5 is so close to king of the school. We went into Sid's classroom to give some information and watched him find a seat and all. He got up to put his backpack on his hook and when he turned, someone had taken his seat. He didn't miss a beat and simply found another one. I warmed my heart to watch him...my baby no more. I cried in the car.

Confessions of a Very Sad Princess

2008-09-01T16:38:00.006-04:00

The day I wrote my last post was DECISION DAY. It was the day told the boys that we would no longer be living together. Each child had his own horrible reaction. That's the only way I can think to describe it. Before I even got the first sentence out...

Seth said: "You're breaking up? *choking through tears* "YOU'RE BREAKING UP?!"

Subsequently causing Tyler to bury his face in has hands and just cry...just cry.

Sidney (who is by far the most vocal) starts crying really loud and yells..."why?...Why?...WHY?"

We did right by them. We talked and consoled and assured them that they could still see one another, I assured Seth that we wouldn't have to move. Sidney suddenly clicked in that we were talking about the boyfriend actually leaving, Tyler leaving, them going to their father's.

"Mama! You're going to be all alone!"

My god, my god. The tears shed that night.

Some things happened that caused our relationship to be tested. I have to tell you that I really do love this man and I am unsure what my future may hold. If I am meant to be with him, we will find our way back. For right now I need to work on me. I need to work out, spend time with my girls, blog, enjoy time with my children and figure out what I can learn about myself in the process. I want true happiness.

This week has been an awful blur. I was home on Wednesday and again with the boys on Thursday. It was good to spend the next day with them and be completely available for them. They went back to their father's early. They didn't want to, but I didn't want them to see the boyfriend go. That's too much to bear for them. So much for me as well. I have been cleaning like a maniac. I had to take some medication to calm myself in order to function honestly. I did work on Friday (completely without chemical aid). I got a lot done and was able to focus (somewhat anyhow). This weekend has been tremendously difficult. There are empty spots where stuff once lived. I have been pacing. Unable to sit for any length of time at all. I will get through this. We are talking and being kind to one another and that helps. This pain shall pass and I will learn from this experience.

Cracking Up

2008-08-27T08:10:00.004-04:00

I know I need to eat. My belly is growling for food, but when I chew it tastes like cardboard. Dry and nasty. I can't eat.

I know I need to work to earn money, but how do I greet people in person or on the phone when I can't control my emotions enough not to cry? I am home today where I will cry in peace.

Do we work it out, or pack it in...this is the question. I don't mean to be evasive, but who wants to sort dirty laundry to the world? I just needed to say something. Write down my sad, confused thoughts. If we pack it in, how do we tell those beautiful children? If we stay together, can we ever truly work through it and be stronger? I have hope, but I am also a realist. I'll come back when I am feeling better. Hopefully from a happier place.

A Whole Hand

2008-08-18T18:17:00.006-04:00

My Sidney is 5 years old today. You guessed it! That means that the NS School Board better watch out, cause here comes a tornado! He He...I suppose he isn't all that bad, but he IS quite a handful. He has more energy than 10 children and he is sharp as a whip.

As upsetting as it is for me (as a mama) to accept, there will be no more nap time cuddles and super silly pre-school games. He is growing up so fast. I can't believe he's starting school in a little over 2 weeks. I mentioned at work the time that he was born. Someone said "wow, you even remember the exact time?" You bet your ass I do!

Sidney's birth was a planned c-section. The first attempt (with Seth, of course) ended up being a 2 day affair, followed inevitably with a c-section. That's right folks, 2 days solid labour pains. I didn't even want to consider doing it again, so because of my bone structure and inability to pass a child through the birth canal, we planned out a date for me to have my second baby. I didn't know whether it was a boy or a girl but definitely settled on the name.

I was prepped for surgery only the freezing didn't take on the first try. They gave me another shot in the spine and I could still feel hands applying iodine on my lower belly. I remember feeling really panicked and calling out "I CAN FEEL THAT!" They assured me that everything was all right and to tell the doctor where you can feel. Ummm...everywhere HELLO! So third time's a charm right? They decided to give me an epidural instead so that they could dose me with more medicine if necessary. It finally worked. Once that was done it was only about 15 minutes before my little Bubba arrived to see the world for the first time. He was born at 9:14am on ( I am pretty sure) a Tuesday.

You can't possibly imagine how long it took for me to get feeling back in my lower body after all that freezing. Good thing I was there to stay for a few days. It was a much more pleasant experience to for-go the labour. Yep! Much nicer for the princess.

Beautiful Newfoundland

2008-08-12T16:42:00.010-04:00

just driving on the highway...hills everywhere you look!

isnt' that something?

Wow! "The Rock" really describes it well

another example of why they call it "The Rock"

snapping random pictures from the moving car

the view from behind Becca's childhood home

When In Rome...

2008-08-11T20:54:00.005-04:00

I needed a vacation from my vacation. I was so sleepy last week that I couldn't even muster the energy (after work, kids and what have you) to blog. I wanted to but just didn't feel like typing. It's just the boyfriend and I now for the next 2 weeks so I'll post more soon.

I have to tell you that all my life people have always made the same comments to me about visiting Newfoundland. Newfies are the friendliest people in the world, and that they love their booze. Now, I'm quite sure not EVERY person in the province is a drinker but just to be hospitable they offer company either a tea or an alcoholic beverage.

My father is from Newfoundland so I am somewhat familiar with the party style. Most common is the kitchen party. We do that here in Nova Scotia as well. It's closest to the fridge. Now, in the summer you switch to a cooler out on the patio.

My dad, his wife and I spent our evenings drinking beer outside for 3 nights running. Becca and her new husband (had to say it cause it just sounds so sweet) picked me up at my dad's and I went to her home town to prepare for the wedding (as I said in a previous post). I actually spent some (and by some I mean all) late evenings out on the front porch getting to know Becca's man better (after doing all the wedding prep and visiting with Beck, of course). He and I have never been really close friends or anything, so it was nice to see a different side of him. All the love he has for my friend was so much more apparent during that week. He has married into a truly beautiful family. I will post some pictures tomorrow.

To sum it up, I drank 7 nights in a row. No freakin wonder I didn't want to type last week! I have to remind myself sometimes that I really am not 27 anymore.

Incidentally, I have been reading many posts. I have been keeping up but tight-lipped on the comments.

kisses

the princess

Mixed blessings and other things

2008-07-31T11:01:00.007-04:00

So not only is my girl getting married in 2 days (with all the stress that entails), but she has had many other things happening as well. Last September she started fainting. At first we all assumed it was stress related as her father had been diagnosed with ALS and was very ill. As I wrote here, he succumbed to his illness last November. She continues to have these mysterious fainting spells and we have all been growing increasingly concerned for her health. She has had a couple of head scans because she had childhood epilepsy and thought it might be back. She has also been having some tests on her heart because the head scan showed no abnormalities. She had to wear what they call a "halter" with a number of monitors and wires hooked to her chest for a 24 hour period last Thursday at 1:30pm until Friday same time. Though it sounds bizarre to say this, THANK GOD she fainted while the halter was on. Otherwise we would still be in the dark. Much to every one's great surprise, my sweet friend received a call from her doctor on Monday here in Newfoundland. The results? Her heart stopped on Friday morning for 16 seconds when she fainted. She has to get a Pace Maker. Were she not here for the wedding, it would be done this week. Wow. Wow. Wow. My job right now is to help her stay as calm as possible. Please wish me luck and say a prayer.

Changes

2008-07-29T18:16:00.003-04:00

"You've changed, Princess" says my stepmother. "When I hear you speak the way you do now, so clear like that, it's like you have decided *No one is going to walk all over me anymore!*...GOOD FOR YOU!"

Turbo-Tanned and Ready for my Cruise

2008-07-24T18:49:00.004-04:00

The Princess is going on Vacation! I will be sailing the choppy waters of the Atlantic Ocean to visit my father and stepmother in Newfoundland tomorrow night. It's a trip that will take many hours of driving, then a ferry ride for about 6 hours, then another long drive. It'll be worth it for my parents to see their grandchildren after a long 3 1/2 years not seeing them. Unfortunately, the boyfriend couldn't get the time off for the week but is driving us to the ferry. I went for my final tan at my salon tonight and now my face is even tanned!

It's actually Tuesday, July 29 today. I never got a chance to get past the first sentence of this post with everything that was going on. I am here in NFLD now and am traveling from my parent's home to Rebecca's hometown to prepare for the wedding on Saturday. Luckily I got to be here for my stepmother's birthday (today) and spend some time with her. My main purpose for the trip however, is the wedding, so I will have to update you further later in the week. It's insane busy. I have lots of talking to do! Kisses! Talk to you soon.

I'm Begging You

2008-07-19T19:23:00.004-04:00

For Mercy! God I love that song. It's a really great style I think. I am also in love the song Rehab. I love this bluesy stuff...for real. Nice.

Why is it squishing everything together? I am trying to space it out but no go.

The Gallery...For you miss Cinnkitty

2008-07-18T16:57:00.008-04:00

oops! there's me getting things ready

voila! a gallery of balloon penises

The Wild Women Conquered

2008-07-14T20:03:00.008-04:00

Since Becca lives next door, the boys hung out over there and played video games until we were ready to go to the club.

Conversation the day after the party...

the boyfriend: Man were you guys ever loud! Every so often we would hear someone go "ahhhhhhhhh" and lots of laughter (yelling in a girlie voice, of course).

me: *snort giggle* We were having so much fun. Becca was having sourpuss shots with each person individually instead of all together, then doing some Newfie step dancing in the livingroom...plus all the games...you know.

the boyfriend: women are sooo much dirtier that men.

me: yeah, of course we are!

The party was great and the company was even better. Cheers to good friends and kick-ass parties. I think I see more frequent girlie get togethers in the future.

So, if you haven't read the post beneath all of these pictures, you really should since I am a serious comment hound and I want you to read it!

the bride and her "bride girls"...that's bridesmaids for the mainlanders

me and my sweet friend

some lovely ladies...ahem...while still behaving as such

and the winner with 40 jube-jubes!

2008-07-14T19:55:00.008-04:00

dirty, dirty girls!

the penis I lovingly created with playdough

yes, they were hanging there for a reason

2008-07-14T19:48:00.006-04:00

in all her drunken glory...love you Becca!

in da club

not sure who the boy is, but the girls loved him!

The Wild Woman Cometh

2008-07-12T08:58:00.004-04:00

I am throwing a bachelorette party for my girl Becca. She is getting married 3 weeks from today! She's been with her guy for over 2 years now but is nervous of losing her independence now that she's tying the knot. So tonight my friends, she will be the party girl we all remember. Now that we are mated we live in our own little bubbles(coming out occasionally for social functions)...gone are the late nights out dancing with the girls, dancing on Beck's table, and drinking ourselves silly. We hang out, but it's stuff like tanning on the deck or chatting while she hangs clothes and I watch because I love my dryer...since she lives next door to me see?

We are going to recreate some magical times here tonight folks! Every one's bringing something and I am going to make some spinach dip with sourdough and pumpernickel (we need food that will go down well with the booze). There are jello shooters gelling in the fridge, vodka and sourpuss on the counter...don't you wish you were partying with the princess and her crew tonight? I am a little rusty...it's been a while, but I throw a damn good party.

There will be dick balloons hanging from the ceiling (whip cream will be applied later) and dick straws for everyone! I have a pin the dick game, a jube-jube game (how many can you get in your mouth without chewing or swallowing them ladies?) I even have a few fun little prizes...oh my god guys! I gotta get a move on here! I gotta clean like a crazy person. I got up at 8 this morning to get groceries early. I have to straighten my hair and go to my salon for 12:30. She's simply going to help me with a funky ponytail...for the low, low price of $5! I am gonna tan just before I think. Oh, this is going to be so much fun! Aside from Relay I can't recall the last time I hung out with a large group of ladies. I am trying to convince the boyfriend to provide some entertainment for us. I actually think I have him half convinced. He and his brother (when he asks him that is...) are going to drive our drunk asses to the club of our choosing later. There will be pictures...oh yes, there will.

Kisses! By the way it is beautiful and sunny. This is a very happy day.

Psssst!

2008-07-10T16:26:00.006-04:00

self portrait with my "princess for the day" tiara

I am 37 years young today and I feel fabulous!

We are going out to dinner once the boyfriend is done showering and shaving. He came home at lunch and set out a lovely bouquet of flowers for me...how sweet! Cake with pink icing and ribbon as well.

Profound for one so young

2008-07-07T19:57:00.003-04:00

With the school year at an end, children empty their desks and cart home all the treasure and lessons. Among the various lesson books I found Seth's journal entries. Don't worry, I didn't look without permission. I'm sure a time will come that he will want more privacy but for now he loves for me to read what he writes. He's proud of his abilities in cursive especially. I have to ask him, but I will assume through reading various musings that the teacher presents a topic (ei: a place you have visited or a what would you give the soldiers in war zones...incidentally a Nintendo Wii then he would get his butt out of there!). I read this one and thought it was so interesting I wanted to share it with you. A teacher at his school passed away during the school year and it was a rather hot topic on the playground for a few days. Here's what he had to say:

Housework and Magic Tricks

2008-07-05T19:07:00.005-04:00

Sidney loves to help me wash the floors. I don't use a mop, but a rag and bucket. I gave him a 2 litre ice cream container with a little dish soap and water and a designated area to clean. He was using a j-cloth and yelled to me...

"Mama! Watch my magic trick! I can make the cloth disappear."

He then proceeded to lay the cloth over the bucket, then look my way to make sure he had my attention. "You ready Mama?"

"Hoka-poka!" Then he stomps his foot into the bucket and the cloth disappears. Funny stuff. Just a magical moment in the day of the princess.

My song choice for today (yeah, I haven't forgetten) is Bleeding Love...just cause I really like it.

Beating The Heat

2008-07-04T22:55:00.005-04:00

Here's a helpful tip for cooling off in the heat of summer that really works:

Fill up the kitchen sink about half full with really cold water. Immerse your arms covering your elbows. You will feel your entire body temperature change within a minute or 2. You will love it. Just for kicks eat a popsicle at the same time. Very nice...try it, I dare ya.

A Day of Lasts

2008-06-28T08:19:00.004-04:00

I received a call from my children yesterday afternoon at work that was so cute and funny. They were on speakerphone and they were both talking excitedly about their lasts.

Seth was telling me that he graded AND got the best report card he's ever had...1 B and the rest A's. Yay for my wonderful, smart boy!

Sidney had is very last day at daycare where he's been going since he was 6 months old! My baby is starting school in September, and will to be going to the same childcare facility as Seth now. The summer program is loads of fun and it will teach him to be responsible for his backpack and lunch in preparation for big school. He was also yelling into the speakerphone telling me how he graded and that I should be very proud of him as well. I told him I certainly was proud of him! Yay for my sweet baby boy!

Both boys will be in French Immersion and I am quite certain Seth will be able to help Sidney with any trouble he may have. I also think that no matter how much Seth teases is little brother, he will watch over him at big school and make sure no one is mean to him or anything. Big brothers rock!

My Bittersweet Love Affair with The Slim White Demon

2008-06-26T18:44:00.003-04:00

Sounds rather steamy, doesn't it? I am definately not talking about a man. No slim jims allowed here thank you very much.

I wrote a post in January where I shared with you the fact that I had been cigarette free since October 31, 2007. I held off a while before saying anything and was doing quite well until one fateful day when I made a royal blunder.

I went to my girl's surprise birthday party and actually hung out with the smokers (seeing as she is one) and did all right. Resisted temptation. And even though I know:

Smoking makes your teeth yellow,

Smoking makes your breath smellow!

I still got this waft of sweet smelly smoke and wanted one. The next evening I was home alone and found the full pack that the boyfriend hadn't taken with him. I sat down and smoked 3 within 1/2 hour. I know...disgusting! I happen to agree, but alas my friends, I am smoking again. I suspect that's part of the reason I have been feeling a little low. It made me feel great to stop and if I had kept up with the workouts it would have helped. I will try again soon. For the good of my health and my children I WILL LICK THIS!

At the end of the day

2008-06-23T17:03:00.003-04:00

I was amusing myself during the last 1/2 hour of work today by listening to one of the salesmen talking with a customer. He uses the phrase "At the end of the day" (like...we won't know exactly how much the install will cost until a site visit at the end of the day) an awful lot so I started ticking a post-it note each time he said it. Now, I had to answer the phone a couple of times and talk with a customer briefly but my ticks were up to 12. It was only a 15 minute conversation! I had to leave my office and go down the hall to giggle a little.

The princess is back bitches! Did you miss me?

Busted! And Now It's Off To Blogger Prison

2008-06-12T18:54:00.003-04:00

Shame on all you bloggers for making your posts so appealing that I simply cannot resist sneaking a peek at work!

I run 2 computers in my office space. One is a '98 that I use for our extremely comprehensive DOS based accounting system (that my boss doesn't want to let go of), and my XP where I run everything else. I just got the XP last month and am now networked with all the sales/management instead of only my accounts manager. So this morning everything froze up on both systems. I have this connector that allows me to flip from system to system, so I wasn't really alarmed. The mouse wouldn't work. How annoying is it to see 1 stupid box come up that says "no mouse is detected" and another stupid box that says "click here to solve problem"...what the hell? Anyhow, other people had to get involved and the external IT guy was brought in. As I was leaving to meet my ex and Sidney for primary orientation, my boss is saying so what causes this? Shit...shit...shit. And off I go to my meeting.

When I got back everything was working fine and I had a lot of work to do because I took tomorrow off to volunteer before Relay. I went online to get a postal code and saw that my history was out and my blogsite was gone from my list of sites on site bar. No one said anything about it to me so I don't think it caused any problem (although perhaps my signing into something can make a difference?) but now I know someone had a peekie-deek at what I'd been up to. Not all that exciting really, just looking at blogs and I did a post the other day. Ah well, Monday's another day. I will lay off. It's just...so...difficult because I can't get enough.

The Grudge~~part #1

2008-06-10T08:10:00.003-04:00

I forgive easily but have great difficulty forgetting offences against me or my loved ones. I don't believe this is an unusual trait for a woman.

So there's this horrible Bitch-Cow-Whore (yes, this is how I refer to her) that I will never forget. Her name is actually Rhonda, but I like Bitch-cow-whore so much better. She was my older brother's first live-in girlfriend, which puts us way back in...1986? 1987 perhaps? Anyhow, I went to visit at their place one weekend and I took along all the pictures I had in my possession. All of the family photos that exist. We sat there for hours, my brother and I, sorting and battling for certain shots. There was one in particular...just a snap shot of our parents together. My mother with jeans and a t-shirt that said "Eat a beaver, save a tree"(which we both thought was hilarious!) and my father with his arm around her. They divorced when I was 7, so there weren't a lot of those shots available. I finally relented and let my brother keep that one along with many others. See, I have all of our baby pictures and baby books along with many school pictures, report cards, all of that stuff.

A couple of months later, my brother shows up at my place to talk to me because he had finally decided to leave her. Good, I thought. She's a bitch-cow-whore and not good enough for my brother. But here's the catch...the stupid bitch THREW OUT all of his things! Records, books, and worst of all...PICTURES OF OUR DEAD MOTHER!!! What kind of person does something like that? I would not likely recognise her all these years later, but have always vowed that if I did see her, I would give her a good hard punch in the face.

Candy 4 Cancer~~A Night Out

2008-06-08T19:32:00.007-04:00

We were supposed to go camping last night. It just never happened. It was a work related event and I was feeling rather cranky with some of my co-workers the last couple of days and decided to do other things instead. My boys have gymnastics/boxing lessons on Saturdays and some of the ladies on my relay team were going out to collect random donations for Team Bean. They have done it years past and I must say, I really enjoyed my sober night out. I wouldn't have wanted to be all sloppy while walking around with candy and money anyhow. We were asking for donations and offering an assortment of candy for their kindness. The first things to go were the candy necklaces and bracelets. Remember those from childhood? (I took one when I noticed they were almost gone). I suppose it didn't hurt that we got all dressed up either. I wish we'd taken a picture before we had to walk in the rain. I also would have liked to show you my skirt and heels.

Here we are with our wares. We raised $310 while we were out!

While waiting for my friend in the washroom I somehow felt compelled to take a picture of the vending machine. Perfume and cologne. Last chance for romance at the caberet!

Aunt Flo is a Cold Hard Bitch

2008-06-03T18:27:00.006-04:00

Don't let the horn-rimmed glasses and sweet smile fool you...she's a bitch! I stole this picture a while back from pinkpiddypaws. This is so not true! Closest friend my ass! More like worst enemy. Sure it allows us the ability to have children, but what else? I am discovering each year that passes how bad it can really be. I now fully understand the the mood swings and severe cramps. Sunday night and into Monday morning I spent a delightful 3 1/2 hours in the fetal position while experiencing such nasty cramps that the pain went right to my knees--for real! It's getting worse every month.

I sometimes manage to keep the moods in check, but more often than not I am extremely sensitive during my week causing 1.anger 2.tears. If you are planning on pissing me off you should definitely come back next week. Speaking of that, some asshole stole my yogurt from the fridge at work. I put it there yesterday and just hadn't eaten it and when I went to get it around 10:30 this morning it was gone. Thieving pig! It's not the first time this has happened. I once had my roast beef dinner taken...container and all. I have to stop now before I start ranting. I haven't picked a song for Saturday in awhile and I am going camping this Saturday. I decided to add a song that expresses my feelings at the moment--not the boy/girl relationship part, just the expressive words in general. Love this song!

SHUT-UP

Can't Get Enough Hannibal Lecter

2008-06-01T21:14:00.003-04:00

I love turning on the television and seeing that there's a movie that I love starting RIGHT NOW! Yay! Tonight it's Red Dragon. I have a big crush on Edward Norton, so there's that, but I also remember sitting in the theatre to watch Silence of the Lambs when it was first released. What year was that again? I would check if I wasn't watching a movie right now. I remember when it ended my sister Micheline turns to me and says "I could just get another ticket and watch that again!" How can you not love a movie with such intensity and fabulous acting? I mean really though! Anthony Hopkins is awesome.

I was watching the credits of Red Dragon a few moments ago and noticed a lot of really big name actors. I have seen it a few times, and read the book and the casting was phenomenal. Cheers to good movies. Hope you are enjoying your Sunday.

Something Inspiring

2008-05-30T21:28:00.004-04:00

The Last Lecture

Randy Pausch with Jeffrey Zaslow

I recently read this amazing book. It wasn't very long but was an excellent read. I actually started reading it before bed one night and continued on through the next morning until I was done. It was very inspiring. Randy Pausch is a *now retired*Professor at Carnegie Mellon University in the US. He agreed to give a lecture only days before his terminal cancer diagnosis. He decided he still needed to do it, even with his limited time left. What impressed me the most is him saying "We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand." because this wonderfully positive attitude is so apparent as you read. I started reading it again the other day, and finally spent the 76 minutes in front of the computer watching the lecture on YouTube last night. It was absolutely amazing. This man is an inspiration not withstanding his illness. He has achieved a level of happiness and peace that many don't know how to experience. I believe that love, support, and firmness from parents helps children achieve success in life. I am always very delighted to read/hear about positive parent/child relationships. I know the lecture is long, however, if you have time it is really worth checking out. I suggest you read the book as well. He goes into more detail about his desire to leave some lessons for his 3 young children who he will not be able to know. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams

Went and got myself into trouble

2008-05-29T20:10:00.005-04:00

I did the unthinkable...

I left the car window open at work while there's landscaping going on (if you are unaware, we just got a new one) !!!

Dammit! There was a layer of dust over the seats (well, mostly the driver's side). I will give any male readers a moment to collectively groan at my offence. I made the new car very dusty and dirty. In my defence, it was a lovely warm day and I wanted to let some fresh air in the car...*I just neglected to notice that half the grass was being torn up on the same side of the lot my car was parked on.*

Ummm, ok, so that was my brainless act for the day. On a high note, the car is very, very clean now, and I didn't have to dirty my little princess hands. It was a quiet ride home.

Beverages I have consumed today

2008-05-26T18:51:00.005-04:00

I woke up with the sniffles. By about 11:00 this morning, I had a full fledged cold. Luckily, I have no mama duties tonight because am going to lay down on the couch for the rest of my awake time very shortly. My friend and coworker Di was sweet enough to bring me some cold medicine and Neo-Citran when she came back from lunch. So, today I drank:

a large coffee
2 huge mugs of raspberry/lemon tea
2 glasses of water
a double dose of Neo-Citran (yeah, at work...I waited until 4:00)
another large coffee (the boyfriend brought it for me)
2 8oz glasses of water
2 8oz glasses of orange juice (no pulp cause I don't really like it)
and currently...more oj and a Neo-Citran (double fistin' it)

It is now 8:00pm. I bought some Puffs with Vicks. I like it! Anyhow, I am going to pretend to die now. Colds suck.

Silly Car Conversations with Children, and My Sojourn to the DMV

2008-05-24T09:39:00.006-04:00

I had to go switch the plate registration for the new car on Thursday night. I had been waiting until the last possible moment because the DMV office has recently gotten a new computer system. Actually, I went a week ago last Friday but I walked in to find small pockets of standing room only. I looked for another 20 seconds or so, then went to get a case of beer and come home. Thurday was it. No more chances. It was nearly as crowded almost a week later. A lady glanced my way to catch my desperate, trapped look as I came in. she smiled at me and said "If you need a "B", here's one". Ahhh..."B" is plate renewal and transfer! I said "I do need a B, that's great! Thanks a lot". "Merry Christmas" she replied. They were at B250. Mine was B283...time to run my spring jackets to the drycleaner and still keep my ticket. Excellent! It took almost 2 hours and there were children running and people milling the whole time. The DMV is open Thursday and Friday nights, and only until 7:00. They lock the doors but continue to serve the customers in the building. Well, it's done now. Whew!

Friday afternoons are busy. The boyfriends gets off work 1/2 hour earlier than me, drives accross town to pick up both my boys, then me, then opposite to home to get Tyler. We do this every 2 weeks, so we usually just order pizza on the way home so we can eat supper at a decent time. Once they picked me up yesterday, there was a buzz of silly conversations with some really great stuff mixed in.

Seth: "I weigh 103 pounds!"

Sidney: "I weigh...Sethy, how much do I weigh?"

"43 pounds, Sid. Guess what? If there were 2 Sidneys I would still weigh more than you." says Seth.

"2 Sidneys? Sweet! What if the other Sidney stood on my shoulders? Then we would be bigger than you."

Interjection from mama: "Bubba, you would certainly be taller, but Seth would still weigh more."

"Oh, but what if there were 99 Sidneys?"

The boyfriend, me and Seth in sync: "oh no, one's perfect" *or some form of this sentence* Also, each time Sidney was not part of the conversations, he was singing "Ty, Ty, Tyler...going to get Tyler!" Over and over again.

Seth pipes up as we were approaching Ty's place and says:

"Mom, this might sound funny but I am kinda glad you and dad aren't together anymore because if you were there would be no Jones (their baby brother) and Monica (stepmom) and no Tyler. Well, there would be a Tyler but we wouldn't know him. Oh, and we wouldn't know (the boyfriend) B either."

How impressive is that? Does it seem odd for me to be so proud of this? I just think it's an incredibly positive attitude for him. Sidney doesn't remember us ever being together, but it was hard for Seth for a while. I am so proud he has turned the situation into such a happy one. I really believe this will help him later in life.

I had more to say, but I started this on Saturday and couldn't post until Sunday. I worked Saturday, which only happens a few times a year. I worked until 2:45, got a ride right to the gym to get Sid out of the pool for gymnastics class. After class, we all met to go home and eat. Seth then has to be back to the gym at 5:30 for boxing. Saturdays are busy too it seems, even without throwing a few hours of work in the mix. It's quieting down now and the boys will all be going by tomorrow. I enjoy my "every second Monday" as you know. More to post later.

Heaving a Huge Sigh of Relief

2008-05-21T18:20:00.003-04:00

Seth's lump is benign. This means that there is no cancer. Isn't that awesome? I never really suspected it was something that serious to begin with, only wondered if it would need to be removed because of the spot it's located in. Turns out they are going to leave it alone and see my boy again in another 6 months to be sure it hasn't changed or anything.

Ahhhhh...that feels better.

On a very sad note though, Midge called this morning to ask if I would mind if we changed our relay team name. I said, sure, what's up? Turns out a very good friend of hers (who has already been diagnosed with breast cancer) has got a very aggressive lung cancer as well. This is a lovely, vivacious 26 year old woman we are talking about here! We are doing the relay for her this year. They all call her "Bean", or "Beaner", so we are now "Team Beaner". We are going to get shirts made with her picture on them and she is going to relay with us. My heart goes out to her. I simply cannot imagine the feelings she must be experiencing right now. I am always shocked when I hear news like this. Always.

peanut butter really does look good on walls

2008-05-17T20:06:00.003-04:00

This weekend we are painting Sidney's room. He is going to be so excited that his room is the same color as peanut butter. It looks awesome and I will post a picture once everything is put back together.

As I was taping off the trim this morning I was listening to my Live CD from the mid 90's. Lightning Crashes is pretty recognisable. I love this band. I saw them in concert a couple of years ago.

taken while standing on his bed. it's not a very large room, but don't feel bad for him. he has an entire playroom to scatter toys in.
from the doorway...see? peanut butter. Sid said tonight that it's a lucky thing it isn't real peanut butter cause it would take too long to dry!

Desperately Random Thoughts

2008-05-16T17:10:00.008-04:00

So, you may have noticed that I haven't been writing much lately. I still don't entirely feel like it, but I really do want to. It's like there have been so many thoughts floating around in my head I just didn't want to write it and sound negative, you know? Talking while in the middle of it all was just too much for me. I haven't really been calling my girls as much either. Just need to relax and regroup a little I guess. Now I am going to spill.

~Seth's MRI~

I called my doctor's office on Monday but didn't get a call back. I called again on Tuesday and my doctor answered. I asked about the results and she said she hadn't received them yet and that I should call the ortho surgeon's office. She also said that if he felt from the beginning that it could be something very serious, he would have called her. I called the surgeon's office and spoke with a kind lady named Tanya. Well, Tanya told me that she would check into it and call me back. She wrote down my work number and I continued on with my day. She called me back a couple of hours later to say that the doctor had not had a chance to look at the test results yet. She said that she would leave them on his desk and that I should expect a call for an appointment to review the results. I am really trying to be patient...really I am.

Patience is a virtue, patience is a virtue, PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE!

Did I say that out loud? Sorry about that. Anyhow, I talked to my doctor again yesterday just to say thanks for encouraging me to call his office and to let her know that he hadn't seen the report yet. She asked me what the doctor had said when he saw the lump to begin with. (Seth went to that appointment with his dad so my information was second hand. We work hard to pass important information as soon as possible.) I told he that he didn't think it was anything serious but that he would like to have the test done to be certain. *yes, let's be very certain about this puhlees * She said that she believes that if he thought it was serious he would have called her by now. I trust my doctor, I like my doctor and so I wait. So, when should I start harrassing the ortho's office?

~Children~

Seth has been very well behaved lately I must say. He is such a clever, serious boy. He is doing well in school and has decided not to argue with me as much about doing homework. He gets all in a snit sometimes and we have been working on that. He is rather bossy and mean to his little brother though, so he gets "spoken to" *aka yelled at* quite often. Again with the patience. I will say it once, then again. If by the third time the behavior isn't rectified there is some serious trouble brewing. I usually take something away for a period of time. It varies for each child. For Seth it is usually no WWE, no computer, no video games...depending on the offence of course. For everyday getting along and doing what he's told he is awesome. We leave the house at 7 every morning and he is always ready. Of course, he and I have had this routine for almost 8 years now.

Sidney is such a little drama queen! *ahem...king I mean* He is 4 now and starting big boy school this fall. He is just the funniest little guy, although he has recently become very sensitive about it. The boyfriend summed it up by saying that if he is trying to be funny he wants you to laugh but if he just says something and he wasn't trying he gets upset just cause he doesn't understand why we think it's so funny. Ah the joys of 4 year olds. He was the devil here a couple of weeks ago. The entire week consisted of ridiculous battles of will with anything that needed to be done. Baths, meals, getting dressed...you name it, he freaked about it. Good times, good times. Last week was a bit better. It's a constant struggle, but a the normal phase for his age. Testing boundries and all of that. He gets punished too...a seat in the corner with a little taste of hotsauce seems to do the trick for a while anyway.

Tyler has only just come into our lives. He met his father (the boyfriend of course) for the first time since the age of 2 just last August. He comes on all of the weekends when my boys are here and many of the ones they are not as well. He will be spending all of the weeks with the boys here this summer. He is a quiet boy. He luh-huh-huvs video games. I find this rather challenging because before Tyler, my boys really didn't care one way or the other but now it's all the rage. God, they love that boy! It's very nice to watch really. Ty is used to being the only child though so there are many other challenges that I could talk about, but I would rather not. *goes back to the being negative thing* We are working on manners and whining (or rather encouraging him not to) at the moment. *god help me*

~Relationships~

The boyfriend and I are doing well. We spend a lot of time together, just hanging out and talking. We get along well in general and agree on many family based topics. We got a membership to the local sports centre so we take the boys swimming at the pool on Saturdays and enjoy working out together when we are NOT being complete lameasses and not going. A positive in my life to be sure.

I have recently been speaking with my brother the genius. He suffers from depression and sometimes wants to be left alone. I have had a wealth of emotion surrounding this situation and am so very grateful that he has gotten in touch with me. I simply can't put it into words. The last time we spoke was last August, so I was just pleased to have him contact me on mother's day. It warms my heart to the core.

~the princess her own self~

I am starting to feel much better now that it is getting warmer and the sun is shining. I am still working on the job search thing, although I am grateful to have a job that pays the bills and keeps us going. Again, I could say more but I would rather keep a positive attitude. I am looking forward to the summer as it brings my birthday and the boyfriend's as well. We are taking the boys to visit my parents. We will stay with them for a couple of days and then he and I are going to my girl's wedding in a nearby town. It will be the first time I have been to Newfoundland, so it's pretty exciting.

Incidentally, I get seriously pissed off when I try to post and it gets all squished together. I am all done for now. I will talk to you tomorrow.

kisses,

the princess

Seth and Tyler's Room

2008-05-10T22:22:00.004-04:00

This took much longer than we expected, so we have to do Sidney's next weekend. He was slightly put out that his room wasn't "new" as well. Almost there. They need pictures and stuff on the walls. This is fun!

I Absolutely Love Lauren Hill~~Saturday's song choice

2008-05-10T19:55:00.010-04:00

She is fabulous! I heard her first singing Killing Me Softly and sought out more because I loved her voice so much. I think teaming up with Bob Marley was an incredible combination.

Turn Your Lights Down Low and Can't Take My Eyes off of You

These songs are both love songs and done in such a way that they each touched me very deeply. Of course, they are both old songs. Sometimes you don't need to mess with a good thing you just have re-record it.

The Princess needs a new pair of sneakers for this

2008-05-07T19:51:00.009-04:00

It's almost Relay time again! June 13th is the big night. I will be hanging with 9 other women on my relay team and we will start walking at 7:00pm and continue on through the night until 7:00am the next morning. Last year was my first time. My girl Midge has a younger brother who is a cancer survivor so her family participates every year. She had a spot on her team so she asked me to join them. The track is lined with luminaries, each candlelit bag with a name and often a personal message. Everybody's got a story...no question. What an amazing and very emotional time. In the picture below, 6 of these women have lost a parent to cancer. Each has lost and/or has a survivor in their family. I only knew 3 of the team members last year. It was moving to listen to the stories of these women. During the relay your team must have at least one member walking at all times. We took little breaks, but walked a whole lot. Midge and I actually did morning yoga as well. So much fun. I am really looking forward to it.

So my family and friends, I am asking for some help. I have a very small group of peeps here where I live and I find fundraising extremely difficult. I know that some of my friends out here are not even Canadian, however, research benefits all of us. Wanna sponsor me? Huh, huh? Well...at least flip over to my page and have a look at why I relay.

My relay team...pausing by the speakers to bust-a-move and the photo op of course!

Team Ghetto Fabulous~~Princess C

Checking Out the Lump

2008-05-05T20:18:00.002-04:00

Seth is scheduled for an MRI tomorrow afternoon to have a better look at the lump on his foot. We discussed the test a bit. He is completely calm and unperturbed. He said "I've been on lots of water slides Mom. It'll be like being in the tunnel."

It makes me feel better that he is so relaxed about it. I am probably a little more anxious about the procedure than the results. I am not going to worry about something that hasn't even happened yet. I was concerned about more time lost at work, but it's just so important that I am with my son tomorrow. I can't imagine being anywhere else at the moment. I will let you know how it goes.

The Sun Is Shining And It's Saturday Again

2008-05-03T16:25:00.003-04:00

I'm feeling rather bubbly today as we prepare to paint the boys' bedrooms. Their new bunk beds arrived this week (thank goodness for safer, more comfortable sleeps). We are working hard to have them done for Monday.

Booty In A Box~Song Choice for Saturday

2008-04-26T20:21:00.004-04:00

I can't believe that I haven't used this song before because I absolutely love it! I had never watched the video for Ms.New Booty until tonight. Even if it isn't your kind of music, check this out. Funny video. Yeah it objectifies women a little, but it is all about the booty.

"Fixes that stuff up!"

In The Words Of Bill Gates

2008-04-25T17:52:00.003-04:00

I got an e-mail that I found very interesting. I happen to agree 100%. What do you think?

Love him or hate him, he sure hits the nail on the head with this! Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2 : The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3 : You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5 : Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6 : If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault; so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7 : Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8 : Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9 : Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

Administrative Professionals Day

2008-04-23T16:46:00.003-04:00
Back in the day they would have called it Secretaries Day, but that is now politically incorrect. I'm sure somewhere out there it is politically incorrect to address us as "dear, sweetie, honey", but it happens on the regular. I am not overly caught up in all the correctness. Hell, I wouldn't have such good rapport with my customers if I was that stiff at my office. Of course, I deal with contractors all day. Nuf said about that.

The general manager took me to lunch today. I had a wonderful seafood chowder to start and this incredible chicken dish with a brae (did I spell that right? the cheese I mean) and strawberry sauce served with spinach salad. Yummy. My belly is still full. I even enjoyed a couple of beer with my meal. It was all I could do to stay awake for the rest of the day! All I really wanted after lunch was to have a nap. Alas, it was very busy so no rest for the wicked. Happy Administrative Professionals Day to all of you admin workers out there. Hope you got some flowers, lunch or some other form of recognition for all of your hard work. Without us, the offices wouldn't tick. I am clapping and cheering for you now...hope it makes you feel special. :)

Go Shorty, It's your Birthday

2008-04-19T12:41:00.003-04:00
3 of my best girls have birthdays during the month of April. Today's song choice is a shout out to my ladies...In Da Club by 50Cent. Go, go, go, go shorties!

Sometimes I Just Gotta Dance

2008-04-18T20:52:00.003-04:00
I sometimes just bring up my blog, turn the music on and dance in the living room. Only when I am alone. Does that make me a little weird? Not that I care. I will continue to get my groove on the the living room with or without your blessing.

Leap Of Faith

2008-04-18T19:00:00.007-04:00
Taking it to the next level...Jumping in with both feet...Taking the plunge...Buying Shit together

We are officially amalgamating our lives, the boyfriend and I. We bought a car today. We traded in my shitbox Hyundi and bought a 2005 Honda Civic. It is not sporty. A 4 door sedan. Excellent for transporting children from place to place, but not horrible at the gas pumps.

I have been self sufficient for some time and while I know this is such a very positive step in the relationship, I couldn't help feeling that I was giving up just a bit more of myself. I rely on me. That's how it is. Now I rely on him. It's bizarre that I feel this way. We've been living together for almost a year now, but it's just that now we have something big together to pay for. Obligations. I hope this doesn't come accross with a negative tone. I really feel quite happy to have a great new car that does not omit blue smoke at intersections. I just wanted to say what I was thinking is all.

I want to say a special thanks to my guardian dad...who I know checks in on me. He gave me a car a few years back when he moved. I sold it and put it to good use for my household. He's probably reading and thinking "I gave her a perfectly good car. Why didn't she keep that one?". I apreciated that gift so very much. It was a beautiful black sexy car, but it was so big and I couldn't drive it without worrying that I was going to back it into someone...it was so damn big!

Introducing Gertrude

2008-04-16T18:23:00.004-04:00
Ok, so because I am slightly vain, I bitched about my sore eye a lot last night. The boyfriend and I were making jokes about it all evening. I went to plug in the light in the living room, looked at him and said "should I leave the light off, maybe? keep it dim so we aren't distracted by it?". Then he says "you should just punch yourself in the eye so it looks like you got in a fight!", which I admit, would be amusing but I don't like pain that much.

I woke up this morning and my eye was swollen. I didn't even bother with the make-up. Wouldn't have made any difference anyway. It immediately made me think of my blogger friend Catherinette who calls her blemishes "Simone". I just went looking for her post with the stick lady Simone, but couldn't find it. I have always called mine Gertrude...same name as the maid barbie (the cheap ones whose limbs don't bend) I played with as a child. It also made me wish I could wear an eye patch, but there's a downside to that according to Pistols. I thought about that and laughed some more. It will all be over soon.

It's 10, 10, 10 Zits In One!

2008-04-15T17:41:00.003-04:00
I have this huge monster bulbous zit on the bridge of my nose. Of course it is on the side where my hair parts, and the same side as my mangled eyebrow. I swear to god I may be blind by tomorrow. It is actually obstructing view on the right side of my face. I feel disgusting. Yuck!

Let's Talk About The Big "C"

2008-04-14T17:16:00.002-04:00
No, I am not talking about the nasty "C" word some people use to describe certain women!

My son saw the Orthopedic Surgeon today. He went with his father as I missed so much work last week I couldn't get out. He called me when he got home to fill me in. Turns out that the reason we got an appointment so quickly is because my family doctor indicated that it could be...Cancer. Hey, if it gets him an appointment more quickly I guess, but ouch! I don't even want to consider that this could actually be the case. The surgeon says that he does not believe it's cancer, but he is sending Seth for an MRI just to be sure. I will keep you posted.

Song Choice for Another Saturday

2008-04-12T09:49:00.002-04:00
I don't have much commentary on this song, I just like dancing to it. This week I have chosen Elevator by Flo Rida (featuring Timberland). Enjoy!

Welcome to the Sick House

2008-04-11T10:20:00.005-04:00
It's been a really crazy week. The boys' dad went away last weekend so they came back home a couple of days early. The excitement started right away with Seth limping around with a sore foot. He has a lump that has been on his foot for some time now. We have been to the doctor and had an x-ray over a year ago, but they didn't find anything alarming. Anyhow, Seth asked me to take him to the doctor again as it is causing him discomfort. We went on Monday afternoon and she has given a referral to an Orthopedic Surgeon because she is not sure what the problem is. She said I could expect quite a wait to see the specialist. Perhaps 6 months or so. She also gave me a slip to get another x-ray as well. I had planned to give it to his dad so that he could take him one day next week, but I received a call from the Orthopedic Surgery department at the hospital saying that Seth was booked to see the doctor this coming Monday. We got the x-ray done yesterday so that he has all the information he needs. I am grateful that the appointment date is so soon, but couldn't help having a few moments of fear wondering if they are more concerned than letting on.

Sidney had to be picked up from daycare late Tuesday afternoon. He had a high fever and has a terrible cough. Luckily, it's just a bad cold and not strep throat, which is going around. He did, however, feel so bad that he hardly ate, slept a lot and was good as gold for a day and a half. He is still feeling sick but is his normal sassy self today. Seth started complaining of a headache yesterday and I had to keep them both home today. Did I mention Tyler was also sick this week and was here on Wednesday and is coming back today? I am getting the sniffles. I am going to have so much work to catch up on come Monday...ahhhh! This also sucks because one of my girls had a birthday yesterday and I am supposed to go to her party tonight. Don't care how shitty I feel, I am going out. The boyfriend can hold down the fort tonight.

Breaker, Breaker...We Have An Eyebrow Down

2008-04-07T16:01:00.002-04:00
I should have heeded the words of my blogger friends. I wrote a post a while back about a home waxing kit that I bought. I used the quick strips to do my eyebrows that weekend and they looked great! I shape them by plucking but I go get them done every once in a blue moon just to make the shape nicer, you know? Anyhow, I decided at about 10:00pm last night that I would wax them again. All was going well until I went into the curve to get a few hairs. I cannot describe to you the emotions I experienced when I pulled the strip off! For starters, it was painful since I pulled a big chunk of the part of my brow that has never been removed before. PRETTY! So, after my mini stroke (and a quiet streak of curse words), I took a close look and tried to move what I had around to cover the error. Of course, I had to thin out the other brow to match. I asked Di this morning at work if she could tell. She said that she noticed they were plucked, but didn't notice the missing hair until I said something. The boyfriend, on the other hand, had a good chuckle when I came out of the bathroom last night. Can't blame him, really. Kinda serves me right. I'm thinking I will just go ahead and shell out the cash next time. Sometimes I have to just learn from my mistakes...ridiculous!

Song Choice for Saturday

2008-04-05T22:00:00.005-04:00
K, so as you can see I am a slacker. I did one song choice, then missed the next week. Here's to a fresh start. I chose 4 Minutes by Madonna and Justin Timberlake (featuring Timberland). Quite an interesting combination I think. I have always been a Madonna fan. I don't think she is necessarily the best singer but she really knows how to sell herself. She has a presence. I would absolutely love to see her in concert. Incidentally, my sister saw Justin Timberlake in Los Vegas and got a nice ass shot.

Butterflies And Memories

2008-04-04T20:54:00.006-04:00
So after posting about warm woolen blankets in February, I received a few calls from loved ones and have been thinking about my mother a lot. I always get a jolt when I come in contact with someone who knew her. I soak in every word. Every last one. My life has had so many stages, so many directions it seems. I tend to categorize things in my mind...when my parents were together, when I lived with Mom and her boyfriend, when mom died, living with a new family, and so on into adult life.

She made quite an impression on me. In my adult mind I can recall things from childhood, times with her, specifically conversations we had that I understand so clearly now. She loved to write letters. She always had pretty writing paper. I used to love watching her write at the kitchen table and she had this paper with butterflies on the top left and bottom right of each page. I know because I have some of them right here by my computer. Actually, I am going to get a tattoo of one of the butterflies on the writing paper. Mom loved butterflies. God, she loved them! We bought her a serving tray set with 8 coasters that have actual butterfly wings behind the glass. A little morbid I suppose, but she also had a couple preserved ones in these fancy metal containers. She would show them to me sometimes. They looked so alive. I remember trying to catch butterflies between my fingertips in our yard as a very young child so that I could bring them into the basement and let them fly a little. I always let them go though.

You know what? I found (this is gonna sound backwoods but...) my mom's boyfriend's daughter on the facebook. We haven't seen one another since very early in 1985. We talked a little once I added her to my friends list, but just lately she sent me a link. She makes beaded jewelery and while looking at it, I found something cute and sent an e-mail to ask if she could make one with butterflies instead of flowers. The e-mail she sent me back was so beautiful I really want to share it with you.

I haven't really seen any butterflies, but I haven't really looked. Next time I go bead shopping I will look for butterflies. I remember how much your mom used to love butterflies. There used to be a field next to the Mall (condos there now) that had milkweed, and in the summer one day, dad, your mom and I walked through and their was a ton of monarch butterflies - so beautiful; one of my fond memories.

I sat there staring at the screen for a few moments, then wrote back...

Thank you for sharing that with me. That's a lovely memory. Did you like my mother? Was she kind, or were you rather indifferent regardless? I had many mixed feelings for my father's wife, although she was always kind to me and I grew to love her very much. I was really just curious. There's not many people that I talk to about her that knew her. Thank you. If you find some butterflies i would love a bracelet with some on it.

She sent me back an e-mail that just made me well up. It's ok, really. It sort of feels good but also makes me think of sad times. This girl used to come and stay with us on weekends quite regularly. The way that Ty does here with us, you know? It sort of mattered to me at that moment how she felt being the one walking into our home. This is a woman who has had a rough road. A horribly abusive pig of a stepfather. She was eventually taken from her home and put into foster care. I thought about that after reading the mail...neither of us had knights for dads (you know, to rescue us from circumstance)...life goes on.

I thought she was awesome! She was an incredible woman. She was very kind to me, and she loved you and Rodney very much. I have some good memories of her and some very sad memories. I remember her loving the beach and the sun, and that I was really relaxed around her, especially with everything going on with me and the abuse I was suffering at home. I remember her speaking very fast French when she was talking to her Mom and Dad. She was a happy person, a good person, a very special person. She was a quiet, private person, but good with people. She had a wonderful laugh. After she passed, I know Dad was never the same again, and fell into such a dark depression. He loved her so much, and was so heartbroken. She was the love of his life. I only talk to Dad once in a while, we haven't really been close, but he is my Dad, and I love him.Anyway, I will look for some butterflies - I will think of Audrey when I do.Keep in touch.

Incidentally, I haven't seen her father since Mom's funeral. See? Welling up again just reading it there. I realize this doesn't mean as much to all of you as it does to me, but it made me feel really good to add it here. Another little e-mail I received said this:

People often have nice things to say about another person once they pass away..But in the case of your mother it's all true..She really was a sweet lady.

I feel good about that.

Does Worker's Comp Cover This?

2008-04-01T16:59:00.002-04:00
I stabbed myself in the finger with a pen today. I actually drew blood! What is wrong with me? I was in the process of tearing into a 12 pack of post-it notes when the pen slipped from the plastic packaging and landed in my finger. Nice. Do you think the ink will cause an infection?

My Quiet Blog Reader

2008-03-31T17:06:00.005-04:00
So, a little over a week ago the boyfriend says to me:

"You put your boobies on the internet."

I said, "Yeah, but not anything I wouldn't post on my blog. So you got to the link? Did you like the boobies?" He indicated that yes, he did very much. I guess perhaps this post or the site for the boobie wars caught his attention on his computer travels. I was so excited that he read it, even just a post or 2! He doesn't really get into all my blog talk, see? I was pleasantly surprised. :)

I Asked For Coffee, Dammit!

2008-03-31T08:10:00.002-04:00
Sometimes Monday mornings just don't start off right. After arriving at work and settling at my desk to have my morning coffee... placing the cup to my mouth with happy anticipation...I ended up taking a big swig of the boyfriend's tea that has 3 cream and 3 sugar (I'll give you a moment to gag) instead of coffee. I am quite sure he was just as disappointed to end up with mine. He was already gone, so I couldn't ask him if he was as pissed as I was.

Winter Blahs

2008-03-28T22:30:00.002-04:00

I always get really cranky when winter is close to an end. I really start to crave the warmth and can hardly wait for walking weather (I know, a true walker wouldn't care, but it's damn cold out there). Weather here (is it is everywhere, really) is so unpredictable that it could snow in May or even June. Who knows? Anyhow, I always feel lazy and unproductive during the months of February and March. I don't feel like doing anything once the boys are in bed. I am tired and my brain doesn't want much strain. Sometimes when I blog I wait until I know "exactly" what I want to say. I don't fly by the seat of my pants well. I am a planner through and through. I often have amusing things to talk about, especially when the boys are here because there's always chaos and craziness. Some of it is actually quite funny. By the time I finish all the family stuff, I just don't feel like a flowery speech. I need to loosen up more. I need to just write a couple sentences so that I don't forget to tell you what's going on here. I am hopelessly caught in the winter blahs. All my clothes are tight. I need to go back to working out. Lazy. This is what I've been doing on the weekends...

I won't even lie, I really do enjoy this!

Hoo Hoo

2008-03-20T12:34:00.007-04:00

Did somebody say Hooters?

So, it's judgement day. I decided to join in on the second annual boobie wars taking place this week. Today is the last day to put in your votes. It's now of never so vote for the princess here and again here and I'll be your lifelong friend.

Hehehe

There are certainly some pretty titties over there. Oh I slay myself...

By the way, my city is getting a Hooters restaurant. It's opening next week, so after the boys go to their dad's (the week after) I think my guy and I will go check it out. I think it'll be really fun to see what all the hype's about...I am sure we'll see lots of cleavage as well.

In other news...I am home AGAIN (but with all the boys) today. School was cancelled due to bad weather. Oddly, I still managed to take the boyfriend to work, drop Sidney off at daycare and took Seth to the office to work on something I really needed to finish today. Then I picked up Tyler, then back to Sid. We're home safe and sound. It's unfortunate that they are so quick to cancel sometimes, though I appreciate they are trying to keep our children safe. Inconvenient today to say the least. Work it piling up at my desk because I have been focusing on the year end only for several days. Crazy! Tons of fun waiting for me on Monday morning. It'll make the day fly though.

My T-Shirt Collection

2008-03-19T10:40:00.009-04:00

I dropped by the Sassy Suzel's blog this morning and discovered she had tagged me for a post. I was so excited to post it, I actually felt ok with having to pick Seth up from school early today (he gets unexplained belly-aches sometimes and I always grill him about pain levels before I will get him---mean mama!). I really don't have many t-shirts that say anything. I wear mostly solid colored plain shirts. My first thought was "Man, I wish I still had my vomit glossary t-shirt. That would be hilarious!". But alas, it was so old and worn that I had to cut it up for rags. It had 12 block comics, each one depicting a different saying for "Vomit". One was "Dry Heaves", another "Praying to the porcelain god"...you get the idea. It was the funniest shirt I ever owned. I did manage to find a few that I would love to share with you. These ones are very girly and probably more what I normally wear. Snow bunny (that's me, by the way) and The Doors (gotta love them!).
These are "pub crawl" t-shirts. You may be asking yourself (or me) "What is a pub crawl?". Well, when you live in the city with the most bars per ca pita in the country, you stroll from bar to bar all night. It's not really a regular thing with cover charge being so outrageously priced, but a well organized pub crawl can be a lot of fun, and can last up to 12 hours if you do it right. Sometimes if you call ahead and have enough people, they will (or used to anyhow) waive cover...sweet! It's awesome in a big group. Believe it or not, some bars are so close together you really could crawl to the next if so inclined. Next question "Princess, why is the writing on that shirt upside down?". Hello! I have to be able to read it so I know where to go next! The beige one is from a pub crawl I organized for work. We didn't have a great turn-out, but it was a fun. The black one is from an impromptu high school reunion with some old friends. Good times, good times.

This shirt has been washed so many times that it has holes all over the place. The pits blew out years ago, but i really can't bring myself to get rid of it. This is Pink Floyd we're talking about here! Concert event of my lifetime for certain.

We bought tickets 4 months in advance (floor seats no less) and there was NO WAY anyone was backing out. Here's the scene: Vancouver, 1994--not gonna tell you how old I was, you do the math. My guy and I had broken up about 3 weeks before the concert. His cousin and her boyfriend (also attending with us) had broken up just shortly before as well. Thank god we did have 1 poor buffer guy with us. Actually, we were all so happy to be at the concert we decided on a truce for the night. What a long, strange trip that was.

I once saw a shirt that said "Whenever" on the front, and "Where ever" on the back. My ex-husband didn't like it very much, so I wasn't able to buy it. It made me laugh and I never forgot it. All my girls poke fun because I am always up for some sexy time. I gotta find a "Princess" shirt. Actually, "I'm the Princess, that's why" would be PERFECT for me!
Now, I think I will go ahead and tag some mamas. I tag: Mom of 3, Momma to 2, and my sister Eve. Holla ladies! Let's see whatcha got.

I would also like to know what Kitty and Sid are wearing.