Monday, November 17, 2008

Adjusting to the newness of it all

I have been wanting to write, yet not feeling like actually doing it. I have been a negligent blogger and reader lately. I try to take a peek at a few, but just haven't really been into it much. Everything has changed. Things feel so different and new. I am beginning to feel happier inside. I haven't cried in several days. This feels good. I find that I have withdrawn somewhat though. I often choose to spend time alone instead of going out and I don't even feel bad about it. I am just adjusting.

The boys are, in fact spending more time at their father's. Once I had that accident and everything I just didn't have any more fight. Please understand I did not give up my boys or anything foolish like that. They are coming for some weekends and for Christmas of course. It's so unnatural seeming to not have anyone here to care for. Just me. I will have you know I have been eating more and feeling stronger too. I am healing. Still sad sometimes, but better for sure. I have already secured our permanent residence for January 1st. Everything is coming together and I am feeling positive I assure you.

Suddenly I have all this time yet nothing to do with it all. Sometimes I don't even want to do anything. Not even this. I just think. I try to get used to the silence. This is such a temporary thing and it will be over before I can turn, so I can totally deal, but I am still overcome by the feeling of newness.

I happen to be living close to my friend/co-worker and we are going to walk together. It's getting pretty cold outside, but it's still nice. I do have snowpants if it gets that cold. Weather can change on a dime here in Nova Scotia. Just gotta stay warm is all.


Mom of 3 boys said...

Even though our situations are different, I totally know how you feel. If that even makes sense. Just know that you have a friend in me.


SexyWhispers said...

Honey--take the time to get comfortable with yourself. Find the place that you are happiest in your soul and will be make yourself / others happier too. But first...make yourself happy. ~~Dee

Anonymous said...

Good luck girl. It'll get better.

PinkPiddyPaws said...

SNOW PANTS???? Are you serious? ha..ha.ha.... I'd never survive up there. Too damn cold. ;)

the princess said...

momof3~i know what you mean. thank you very much my friend.

dee~you are so right. this is difficult, but what in life that really matters isn't difficult? i am learning to just trust in myself and feed my soul with positive thought. i am working on the "it's all about me" mentality. trying it on for size, anyhow. what the hell...i've got a little spare time here.

thanks sage, I know it will.

pinkpiddypaws~no shit! it snowed today. it won't get REALLY cold until january and then i will wear my hot pink snowpants and matching white/pink coat. it's hard to look sexy in a snowsuit though. i can't stand the winter.

Anonymous said...

Hugs going out to you my friend. This too shall pass. Stay strong.