Tuesday, October 28, 2008

I mean Really, who throws a shoe anyway?

You know the expression “waiting for the other shoe to drop”? Well, they seem to be just falling from the sky. I have to break this up into manageable pieces as I do have a tendency to jump around. My thoughts flit…you know this.

Yesterday:

I have been taking an early lunch breaks because it’s generally busier in the afternoon and everyone is trying to get out for a break. It just makes it easier and I don’t really mind. I was coming back from lunch and at a busy intersection just about a minute from work as I turned into the right turning lane and yielded to oncoming traffic. I was waiting the green car pass when this BIG ASS yellow company truck (not my company of course) did not yield, therefore rear-ending me with a HUGE FREAKIN BANG! My car lurched forward, luckily not into traffic. I was able to get it to the shoulder of the road and turn it off. Then the hyperventilation set in.

*first thought*~~shit! Now I have to miss more time at work, just what I need…followed by a mental string of vile curses. It was pouring rain and I called work immediately to ask someone to come help me deal (since I am on the verge of hysteria and need reason), then I kinda rub my neck and get out to look at the back of the car. I spend a very short time examining the back (not realizing the damage on the right side at that point). Driver gets in to write down his info and ask if I’m ok. I tell him that it wouldn’t be so bad if I hadn’t already been having a few nasty days before.

I spent the entire afternoon at emergency. Unfortunately, I met no cute ambulance drivers, police, nurses or doctors. Apparently the fireman was good looking but I couldn’t turn my head to look. Anyhow, I had my first ambulance ride and cursed the entire ride there. So…I have whiplash. NICE. You do realize that I’m moving this week right? Packing’s gonna be a bitch.

Thursday:

Shortly after 4:30pm that day I received a call at work from one of the leaders at the morning/after school program. For the second week in a row he had been short, rude and disrespectful to her, therefore he would be suspended from the club for a day. He is normally quite well behaved so there’s something up. I called to tell his father and he got angry first, then told me Seth has been asking to see a therapist. I do not object to this, it’s just a lot to absorb all at once. I finished work and went to collect the boys. I told Seth to go to his room and read and that we would talk about it later. We talked. I am sad for him. I don’t know what’s wrong and we aren’t who he wants to talk to. This is going to be good for him I think. Just a scary new phase.

So, after the boys settled in for bed their father called back.

Baby daddy~~”I am worried about their behavior lately and think that they should stay with me for the next 2 months while you are in transition. That would be best, don’t you think? All settled in the new apartment?” sigh “Princess, it makes me sick to my stomach to have to call. I know you have been dealing with a lot of things right now and maybe this will be better for them.”

Mental me~~”NOOOOOOOOOOOO! I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT THEM. PLEASE DON’T TAKE THEM FROM ME. I NEED THEM. I BETTER GET SOMETHING IN WRITING!

Aloud~~”I’m not sure I can handle that. I’m not sure they can. We need to talk to them.” *of course there was quite a bit of tears on my end as well.*

Ok my friends…so I understand all the practical reasons, the transition period and all of that. My rational mind tells me that even if this happens it’s not the end of the world. I can still see them on weekends and go to their activities. I still have them for Christmas Eve. I can see the upside. I can exercise every day and get into a balanced routine so that when they come back I am more healed and more healthy. *incidentally I am shrinking a little…trying to keep it under control* But, then there’s this whole other part of me that is just losing it. These are my children. How can I not see them when I am supposed to see them? How much will they miss me? I have been crying for days.

Saturday:

The ex boyfriend dropped his son off for a sleepover. He spoke with each of my boys (which was very nice) and we had a sweet, civilized, positive conversation ourselves. I never ever like for things to end on bad terms and with angry feelings, so it was comforting (even though I still know I need time all alone to heal). You have to know how much confusion was running through my brain. I wanted to hold him close, you know? It was nice, but it’s still over.

Today:

Whiplash is a bitch. Insurance companies can be difficult, but I happen to have a great broker. She hooked me up with a nice agent at my insurance company who has already begun handling all the details. I worked half the day then came home to rest as my neck is really sore as well as my right shoulder and forearm. No bruising, no deployment of the airbag. Lucky me.

Baby daddy called back and wants to sit the boys down sometime this week to tell them they are staying with him for a while. The man has spoken. Shit! I could go to my lawyer and fix this…but I am not going to. I just want a document that we can both sign with witnesses that I will have my boys back with me as soon as this transition is done and lots of visits in the interim.

I am overwhelmed. Any words you can give me to make me feel better? Aside from saying good thing I was in a car and not walking? Cause that would suck. Scroll down to the last couple of posts…had some guests in the princess house.

whew...that was really long.

I got to rest now.

kisses
the princess

5 comments:

Mariposa said...

Oh.my.god.

Things can really be bitchy...but guess what? Everything that we have, we have them because we can handle them!

I am not really sure about not going to the lawyer...it all depends on whether how much you know the person you are dealing with...

Also, what about making the kids understand the transition phase and making them part of the decision so they don't feel like you set them aside because you are having too much and that they are adding to it...just thinking out loud. Well, I said that because when a person I care tries to do that...that is how I feel...being set aside because I'm not a help but a sand.

And Seth could be going through some phase...not necessarily needing a therapist. Idk. We don't normally do that to children here...unless they go through high degree of trauma or something like that. Just find him nice company and ask him if there is any hobby he'd like to have.

Anyway...I'm still my way to the doctor..though I said I will comment when I am back...duh, I'm still here anyway...so there, I have spoken.

Hugs and Blessings!

PinkPiddyPaws said...

holy shit girlie! I'm getting that "if it weren't for bad luck you wouldn't have any at all" kind of vibe here!

Well, keep talking with the boy and see if you can't work it out. Don't let the insurance folks screw you and DON'T let your ex bully you into taking the boys if you need them.

xoxoxoxoo

the princess said...

mariposa~I know I will not be given more than I can bare (sp?) i just sometimes wonder how much I can really handle all at once and get bogged a little. I will bounce back...I always do.

as for Seth I know it seems extreme, however, I believe also suffers from anxiety as I do and he becomes very attached to certain people. he told me that he's still holding onto bad feelings about me and his dad splitting (5 yrs ago). Perhaps the guidance councillor at his school can help. he has no real serious trauma, but needs to get out his feelings before he turns into a teen and goes in either a good direction or a bad one, you know? preventative measures.

with the ex, we couldn't stay together because of this type of thing. it's completely his way or the highway. he doesn't care if I don't like or if they don't like it. he feels they are upset because of what's up in my life. black and white only. I know how to handle him, just have to be patient. it's all good. i have no problem with having the children in transition. if they are with me, they are safe. simple.

pinkpiddypaws~i really need a 4 leaf clover. it's not the first time i have heard that about myself. it WILL get better. it will. saw the boys tonight, all is well and organized. i won't get rail-roaded. fixed now. :)

Mommato2 said...

Oh Princess Cori...so much to handle...first of all...I had an accident like this and it took a LONG time to feel better. If you want the name of my AMAZING chiropractor let me know...she totally rocks. I also started doing Pilates (which the insurance company paid for - woo hoo - as it was due to an accident) If you want the name of where I go, let me know. You need to deal with this now because I literally had a pain in my neck for years!

As for all of the other stuff....I think counseling sounds like a good idea. You have all been through a lot of transitions over the last few years. My chiropractor also gave me the name of a good child therapist when Matthew was having his headaches...I am a wealth of information!

So sorry for all you have been going through. Stay strong...sending hugs your way!

lady jaye said...

Hang in there girl. I know this is an incredibly difficult time for you. But I also have faith that you can get yourself healed, that you can be happier and healthier. Take care of you.