Monday, September 15, 2008

Failable

Sometimes even princesses make mistakes. It just so happens that the one I made hurt someone I love very much and caused him to walk away from my life. It remains to be seen if there is anything I can do about it, but for now I just want to say that I accept responsibility for my own actions. I read something recently that really helped me through this week. It's from a self-help book a friend of mine is reading and it goes like this:
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If you've ever been criticized or rejected or have failed to achieve an important goal, you know how natural it is to feel hurt and disappointed. But if you berate yourself as worthless and unlovable, you'll be giving yourself distorted messages and destroying your self-esteem. Being rejected and failing are universal human experiences. They don't make you "a reject" or "a failure"--they make you a human being.
Even if you behave badly, it won't do much good to write yourself off as a "bad person." You will simply waste time and energy ruminating about how lousy and terrible you are. This will only incapacitate you and make the problem worse. In addition, this is very self-centered because you're entirely caught up in yourself! Genuine self-esteem is based on humility and an acceptance of your shortcomings. This makes it possible to assume responsibility for your actions, to feel remorse, to apologize and make amends, and to get on with productive and joyous living.
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Certainly words to live by. This taught me something about myself. I have struggled with esteem issues always, but when I read this I thought to myself "Princess, you love yourself. You really do. You do really stupid things sometimes, but you are not currently suffering from low self-esteem." While this does not take away my sadness, it does allow me to have more positive thoughts. Thank goodness for my children who kept me focused for the past week and a bit. I am alone now. Time to contemplate and just be.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Just take your time and breathe. This will pass, my friend.

lady jaye said...

*hugs* you are human. just like everyone else. i know i made my share of mistakes and it cost me my marriage. i know things are tough but we're all here for you anytime you need us.

Practically Perfect In Every Way said...

thanks for sharing that. that is so true, but impossible to see while you are hurting.

being human and a princess is hard! keep your head up, you are a good woman!!!!

the princess said...

suze~it's like I am taking it all in, being pretty normal at work (despite the occasional teary-eyed moment) but I am just feeling so much of everything that being here in my own house is really hard. I have no one to take care of. my breathing is a little brisk at times, but luckily I am coping rather well.

lady jaye~i am so glad for that. really, thanks. sometimes forgiving ourselves is much harder than forgiving others. i am trying very hard to stay positive.

Parctically perfect~you're welcome. i really love it and read it several times a day. the boys come back on monday, so i will have more to concentrate on to help ease these emotions a little even.

being both a human and a princess IS really hard, thank you for saying that I am a good woman. that's a really nice compliment.

Dale said...

Remembering to breathe is good advice, listen to that Suze.

Mariposa said...

BIG HUGS to you!

I hear you...I've been there, suze is right, just take your time...this too shall pass.

A wise friend once told me to try the reverse of the golden rule which to treat ourselves the way we want others to treat us...it helps me a lot...and I think what you quoted resonates that concept one way or another.

Sorry I just came here...

Sending you happy thoughts!!!