Monday, September 01, 2008

Confessions of a Very Sad Princess


The day I wrote my last post was DECISION DAY. It was the day told the boys that we would no longer be living together. Each child had his own horrible reaction. That's the only way I can think to describe it. Before I even got the first sentence out...

Seth said: "You're breaking up? *choking through tears* "YOU'RE BREAKING UP?!"

Subsequently causing Tyler to bury his face in has hands and just cry...just cry.

Sidney (who is by far the most vocal) starts crying really loud and yells..."why?...Why?...WHY?"

We did right by them. We talked and consoled and assured them that they could still see one another, I assured Seth that we wouldn't have to move. Sidney suddenly clicked in that we were talking about the boyfriend actually leaving, Tyler leaving, them going to their father's.

"Mama! You're going to be all alone!"

My god, my god. The tears shed that night.

Some things happened that caused our relationship to be tested. I have to tell you that I really do love this man and I am unsure what my future may hold. If I am meant to be with him, we will find our way back. For right now I need to work on me. I need to work out, spend time with my girls, blog, enjoy time with my children and figure out what I can learn about myself in the process. I want true happiness.

This week has been an awful blur. I was home on Wednesday and again with the boys on Thursday. It was good to spend the next day with them and be completely available for them. They went back to their father's early. They didn't want to, but I didn't want them to see the boyfriend go. That's too much to bear for them. So much for me as well. I have been cleaning like a maniac. I had to take some medication to calm myself in order to function honestly. I did work on Friday (completely without chemical aid). I got a lot done and was able to focus (somewhat anyhow). This weekend has been tremendously difficult. There are empty spots where stuff once lived. I have been pacing. Unable to sit for any length of time at all. I will get through this. We are talking and being kind to one another and that helps. This pain shall pass and I will learn from this experience.

8 comments:

PinkPiddyPaws said...

((((((hugs)))))))

Dale said...

Thinking of you. Hang in there.

lady jaye said...

thinking of you. let me know if you need to talk!

Renaissance Woman said...

I am so sorry for your pain. Hugs your way.

sid said...

I'm so sorry. But you will get through this. Right now everything feels unbearable and all you want to do is feel whole again. And you will reach that point. And you will laugh and smile again. And you'll learn how much you can endure and that you really are strong. If you ever need to talk you know where to find me.

Mommato2 said...

So sorry for what you are going through...big hugs. It sounds like you are handling a difficult situation with bravery and making sure your children are o.k. You WILL get through this!

Practically Perfect In Every Way said...

wow, I didn't realize, I'm so sorry. I hate to think of you being so sad, but it sound like you are making grown up decision (which always suck!).

big hug from me too!

Mom of 3 boys said...

(((((HUGS)))))

Hang in there....I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers....