Monday, September 01, 2008
Confessions of a Very Sad Princess
The day I wrote my last post was DECISION DAY. It was the day told the boys that we would no longer be living together. Each child had his own horrible reaction. That's the only way I can think to describe it. Before I even got the first sentence out...
Seth said: "You're breaking up? *choking through tears* "YOU'RE BREAKING UP?!"
Subsequently causing Tyler to bury his face in has hands and just cry...just cry.
Sidney (who is by far the most vocal) starts crying really loud and yells..."why?...Why?...WHY?"
We did right by them. We talked and consoled and assured them that they could still see one another, I assured Seth that we wouldn't have to move. Sidney suddenly clicked in that we were talking about the boyfriend actually leaving, Tyler leaving, them going to their father's.
"Mama! You're going to be all alone!"
My god, my god. The tears shed that night.
Some things happened that caused our relationship to be tested. I have to tell you that I really do love this man and I am unsure what my future may hold. If I am meant to be with him, we will find our way back. For right now I need to work on me. I need to work out, spend time with my girls, blog, enjoy time with my children and figure out what I can learn about myself in the process. I want true happiness.
This week has been an awful blur. I was home on Wednesday and again with the boys on Thursday. It was good to spend the next day with them and be completely available for them. They went back to their father's early. They didn't want to, but I didn't want them to see the boyfriend go. That's too much to bear for them. So much for me as well. I have been cleaning like a maniac. I had to take some medication to calm myself in order to function honestly. I did work on Friday (completely without chemical aid). I got a lot done and was able to focus (somewhat anyhow). This weekend has been tremendously difficult. There are empty spots where stuff once lived. I have been pacing. Unable to sit for any length of time at all. I will get through this. We are talking and being kind to one another and that helps. This pain shall pass and I will learn from this experience.