Landing on my feet with cat like stealth

When difficult situations arise, Mama Bear jumps out. On occasion it's more like a Mama Lion. I have trouble with change.

Change is good right?

Nope. I still don't like it. In this case though, I had to make some choices purely based on the well being and security of my children. I have the car now and my expenses have increased since I moved here while household income has drastically decreased just recently. It's all good...mama worked it out. The problem is not really change itself, it's the process of getting from point A to B. I get myself all worked up but...something was different this time. I actually had a lot of clarity. I worked out the details as best I could and researched my options with focus and determination.

I feel very blessed to have good people in my life. I received an email last week from a friend of mine. It was only a couple of sentences but I couldn't help but cry. She said "why don't you just put your stuff in storage for a bit and stay at my place? I can stay at my guy's place and you can bring the boys' bunk beds and a couple of dressers. That way you'll have your finances worked out and able to get your new place." I already worked out all the details of the new place. The issue is the loss of the damage deposit here (I have to break my lease-damned if I do, damned if I don't kind of thing) and coming up with another deposit (1/2 a month's rent).

How kind and generous. Really and truly I am grateful. Much like pinkpiddypaws (I would link it if I wasn't being lazy) I have trouble accepting help from others but am happy to give it. I had to think about this one for a couple of days but I feel good about my choice to accept her help.

Today is a good day. I spoke with my brother the genius on the phone for the first time in over a year. I always feel such joy when I talk to him. I also saw my guardian mom (who I haven't seen in a couple of years) on Sunday. We went to get the boys from their father's place and enjoyed a lovely afternoon together. Tomorrow is a new day. Each one gets a little more normal. I have to move at the end of the month so I won't post much. Perhaps I need to call on some sweet guest bloggers? Hmmm?

it's bedtime...

kisses

the princess

The Grudge~~part #1

I forgive easily but have great difficulty forgetting offences against me or my loved ones. I don't believe this is an unusual trait for a woman.

So there's this horrible Bitch-Cow-Whore (yes, this is how I refer to her) that I will never forget. Her name is actually Rhonda, but I like Bitch-cow-whore so much better. She was my older brother's first live-in girlfriend, which puts us way back in...1986? 1987 perhaps? Anyhow, I went to visit at their place one weekend and I took along all the pictures I had in my possession. All of the family photos that exist. We sat there for hours, my brother and I, sorting and battling for certain shots. There was one in particular...just a snap shot of our parents together. My mother with jeans and a t-shirt that said "Eat a beaver, save a tree"(which we both thought was hilarious!) and my father with his arm around her. They divorced when I was 7, so there weren't a lot of those shots available. I finally relented and let my brother keep that one along with many others. See, I have all of our baby pictures and baby books along with many school pictures, report cards, all of that stuff.

A couple of months later, my brother shows up at my place to talk to me because he had finally decided to leave her. Good, I thought. She's a bitch-cow-whore and not good enough for my brother. But here's the catch...the stupid bitch THREW OUT all of his things! Records, books, and worst of all...PICTURES OF OUR DEAD MOTHER!!! What kind of person does something like that? I would not likely recognise her all these years later, but have always vowed that if I did see her, I would give her a good hard punch in the face.

Desperately Random Thoughts

So, you may have noticed that I haven't been writing much lately. I still don't entirely feel like it, but I really do want to. It's like there have been so many thoughts floating around in my head I just didn't want to write it and sound negative, you know? Talking while in the middle of it all was just too much for me. I haven't really been calling my girls as much either. Just need to relax and regroup a little I guess. Now I am going to spill.

~Seth's MRI~

I called my doctor's office on Monday but didn't get a call back. I called again on Tuesday and my doctor answered. I asked about the results and she said she hadn't received them yet and that I should call the ortho surgeon's office. She also said that if he felt from the beginning that it could be something very serious, he would have called her. I called the surgeon's office and spoke with a kind lady named Tanya. Well, Tanya told me that she would check into it and call me back. She wrote down my work number and I continued on with my day. She called me back a couple of hours later to say that the doctor had not had a chance to look at the test results yet. She said that she would leave them on his desk and that I should expect a call for an appointment to review the results. I am really trying to be patient...really I am.

Patience is a virtue, patience is a virtue, PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE!

Did I say that out loud? Sorry about that. Anyhow, I talked to my doctor again yesterday just to say thanks for encouraging me to call his office and to let her know that he hadn't seen the report yet. She asked me what the doctor had said when he saw the lump to begin with. (Seth went to that appointment with his dad so my information was second hand. We work hard to pass important information as soon as possible.) I told he that he didn't think it was anything serious but that he would like to have the test done to be certain. *yes, let's be very certain about this puhlees * She said that she believes that if he thought it was serious he would have called her by now. I trust my doctor, I like my doctor and so I wait. So, when should I start harrassing the ortho's office?

~Children~

Seth has been very well behaved lately I must say. He is such a clever, serious boy. He is doing well in school and has decided not to argue with me as much about doing homework. He gets all in a snit sometimes and we have been working on that. He is rather bossy and mean to his little brother though, so he gets "spoken to" *aka yelled at* quite often. Again with the patience. I will say it once, then again. If by the third time the behavior isn't rectified there is some serious trouble brewing. I usually take something away for a period of time. It varies for each child. For Seth it is usually no WWE, no computer, no video games...depending on the offence of course. For everyday getting along and doing what he's told he is awesome. We leave the house at 7 every morning and he is always ready. Of course, he and I have had this routine for almost 8 years now.

Sidney is such a little drama queen! *ahem...king I mean* He is 4 now and starting big boy school this fall. He is just the funniest little guy, although he has recently become very sensitive about it. The boyfriend summed it up by saying that if he is trying to be funny he wants you to laugh but if he just says something and he wasn't trying he gets upset just cause he doesn't understand why we think it's so funny. Ah the joys of 4 year olds. He was the devil here a couple of weeks ago. The entire week consisted of ridiculous battles of will with anything that needed to be done. Baths, meals, getting dressed...you name it, he freaked about it. Good times, good times. Last week was a bit better. It's a constant struggle, but a the normal phase for his age. Testing boundries and all of that. He gets punished too...a seat in the corner with a little taste of hotsauce seems to do the trick for a while anyway.

Tyler has only just come into our lives. He met his father (the boyfriend of course) for the first time since the age of 2 just last August. He comes on all of the weekends when my boys are here and many of the ones they are not as well. He will be spending all of the weeks with the boys here this summer. He is a quiet boy. He luh-huh-huvs video games. I find this rather challenging because before Tyler, my boys really didn't care one way or the other but now it's all the rage. God, they love that boy! It's very nice to watch really. Ty is used to being the only child though so there are many other challenges that I could talk about, but I would rather not. *goes back to the being negative thing* We are working on manners and whining (or rather encouraging him not to) at the moment. *god help me*

~Relationships~

The boyfriend and I are doing well. We spend a lot of time together, just hanging out and talking. We get along well in general and agree on many family based topics. We got a membership to the local sports centre so we take the boys swimming at the pool on Saturdays and enjoy working out together when we are NOT being complete lameasses and not going. A positive in my life to be sure.

I have recently been speaking with my brother the genius. He suffers from depression and sometimes wants to be left alone. I have had a wealth of emotion surrounding this situation and am so very grateful that he has gotten in touch with me. I simply can't put it into words. The last time we spoke was last August, so I was just pleased to have him contact me on mother's day. It warms my heart to the core.

~the princess her own self~

I am starting to feel much better now that it is getting warmer and the sun is shining. I am still working on the job search thing, although I am grateful to have a job that pays the bills and keeps us going. Again, I could say more but I would rather keep a positive attitude. I am looking forward to the summer as it brings my birthday and the boyfriend's as well. We are taking the boys to visit my parents. We will stay with them for a couple of days and then he and I are going to my girl's wedding in a nearby town. It will be the first time I have been to Newfoundland, so it's pretty exciting.

Incidentally, I get seriously pissed off when I try to post and it gets all squished together. I am all done for now. I will talk to you tomorrow.

kisses,

the princess

Mean, Wild and Far Away

Have you ever been singing at the top of your lungs to a song you think you know the words to, but really don't? Such an embarrassment to be caught...

Growing up, I was introduced to a wide variety of music. My Mom's boyfriend Brian had a HUGE record collection and the stereo was on much more than the television. I could write posts for days just on musical tastes and artists that I love and why, in fact, I may just do that from time to time. As a young adult, I packed my things and moved across the country into my brother's place where I got another fabulous dose of musical variety. We would sit for hours having a good old fashioned Nova Scotia style KITCHEN PARTY, discussing artists and where we first heard them. Being 4 years older, he had a better recollection of the artist's names and album titles. He has collected well over 300 cd's over the years.

One group that stands out to me is The Moody Blues. It's nice background music, but also very nostalgic. There is a song titled "Meanwhile and Far Away" that I have always loved. Funny thing is, until I was 20 years old, I thought it was called "Mean, Wild and Far Away". I had been singing it that way since I first heard it. Thought of that and it made me giggle.

You Gotta See This!

Logged onto Facebook today and I had been "tagged" in a photo by my cousin Kelly. Check this out!

Left to right: Rodney (my brother), Me, Kelly and Tracy (our 1st cousins)

Boy Genius

My brother Rodney has a borderline genius IQ. He has actually been tested. We had some encyclopedias in the house. I used to set them all over the floor in stacks and jump from pile to pile for amusement, but he actually read them--cover to cover! We had 2 sets of 24 , 1 set of 10 and 2 large, complete dictionaries. He read all of them by the age of 12. I once had a conversation with our grandfather (our mom's dad) and he said that he is quite certain that Rodney was actually reading and understanding "Archie" comics before he could speak! I have been in awe of him for his academic achievements all this time. He has many degrees, and has spent years teaching others to learn. The man has published works and everything! He is "THE SHIT", so to speak. He is also one of my most loved and admired people. He is this wonderful, amazingly intelligent person. I could call him at any time and ask him a question about...I don't even know, anything...and he would know the answer!

It was a truly amazing thing to have shared my childhood with him. He is kooky, quirky and a little socially inept (though has learned very much in his 39 years) and he has the kindest heart. He has "big love" to give. He is the best big brother a girl could ask for. He used to hang out and play games and stuff with me a lot. There are 4 years between us, but he was very patient. We used to put on puppet shows behind the breakfast bar between the dining/kitchen area for our babysitters. We would make them sit on a chair in the kitchen while we put on a series of plays with assorted puppets and stuffed animals from my toy box. The storey lines varied depending on current movies or tv shows, of course. Now that I am writing this I am helpless to recall an actual theme. Rodney, help me out if you read this please!

When I needed a place to live after high school, all I had to do was ask. When I moved to Vancouver in 1991, I simply moved my things in. He was so very happy to have me there, and I was overjoyed to be with him. See, as it turned out, once Mom passed we went to different places. He was nearly finished high school and went off to dorms at Saint Mary's the following year but I was still in school. We kept in touch and spent time together as often as we could while living in the same province, that is. Wow I miss him! Good times, good times...

We have always been close. I believe the experience with our mother has forever bonded us unconditionally. We are links to her.