A post from the Sassy Suzel

So my friend, Princess in the House, asked if I wanted to write a post for her blog. I was sent these cute “children’s funnies” today, so I thought I’d share.

1. NUDITY A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement an d then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'

2. OPINION On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'

3. RELIGION A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.'What have you got there, dear?'With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'

4) POLICE It was the end of the day when a police officer parked his van in front of the station. Gathering his equipment, his K-9 partner, Jake, was barking. A little boy walked up and asked the officer “Is that a dog you got back there?““Yes it is” the officer replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at officer and then back in the van and finally asked, “What'd he do?”

Mariposa's Haiku

Back to My Future

it's over now, it was fun while it lasted,

that i've come to accept

why it happened, how it happened and what happened

dont hold meaning now

it's time to move on

i've got my sanity back

and i'm keeping it

Mariposa inspires me with her posts every week and I am so glad she decided to write something that ties in so well to me right now.

My Addiction

Princess here. Just letting you know that this post has been brought to you by the classically witty and often sarcastic Sid...all the way from South Africa. Enjoy!

Hi, my name is Sid and I’m an addict. They say that admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery.

Well, I’ve been clean for two months now. I’ve told everyone that I no longer constantly crave the high I once experienced when I’d had my first taste, just over two years ago. I had convinced myself that I had finally found inner peace and that I could do this by myself. I was determined to beat this. I couldn’t erase the image of comforting my future son or the image of me wrapped up securely in the arms of my future husband, from constantly entering my mind. And I knew that the only way that I could ever attain any of this, the life I have always desired and yearned for, was if I gave up this habit of degradation. So I quit cold turkey and everything was going along just fine until yesterday.

All it took was one little whiff of the good stuff and before I knew it I had fallen off the wagon. Here I am at work at 8 in the morning and all I could think of is when I can get my next fix. My need is so bad that I neglected to do any actual work. Instead I spent all of my time thinking of ways to raise enough cash to score. Various schemes entered my head, each one as ludicrous as the next. My bursary would only be coming in next year and I couldn’t wait that long. I need cash now! No the only option left to me was to sell my kidneys. I hear you can make R10 000, which is all I really needed for a plane ticket to Pakistan. Yes my friends I am addicted to travelling.

Now I bet all of you are probably wondering what a charismatic, beautiful, intelligent, eloquent, hilarious, humble girl like me could possibly want to see or do in Pakistan. And I wish I was capable of giving you an answer that gave the impression that I had spend hours reading up on the history and culture of Pakistan. But the truth is that I am a dipshit who took one look at the following picture before deciding that I JUST HAVE TO GO to Pakistan even if it meant selling my body – and inevitably my soul – to raise the cash for the trip.

Now I know that many people would say that I am brave (code word for crazy) to attempt crossing a rickety bridge like that. The thing is that I don’t classify myself as brave (mentally unstable). Everything scares me. Everything! And I know that if I ever make it to that bridge I’d be cursing like nobody’s mother fucking business but I’d force myself to go through with it. I can see myself now, standing there, trying my utmost to control my breathing, wanting nothing more than to turn around. But I’ll do it because every time I do something that scares the shit out of me (not literally) I gain something. There’s this amazing feeling of triumph because you haven’t allowed fear to control the way you live life.

The thing is that I know me. I am the most fickle person you will ever meet. If I don’t follow through with this in the next couple of months I’ll never go. Remember Ecuador? Two years ago I proclaimed that Ecuador was my “destiny”. (Yes, I use words like destiny and fate. Yes, I occasionally read my horoscopes and watch Oprah aka Our Saviour. What? Don’t judge!) Now if you were to ask me about Ecuador my reply will be a very articulate “bleh”. I am simply incapable of sustaining enthusiasm for anything for longer than four months. That’s just who I am and I make no apologies for this.

Alone but not lonely

Through the course of my longest relationship (with the boys' father) I was no stranger to being alone. He went away sometimes for months at a time. I was accustomed to alone time. Of course, I did have my child/children to keep me occupied and focused and also the financial security and knowledge of the return of said partner, which made it all right.

I have always floated from one relationship to another. I love to be loved and need to love others. I am very nervous of strangers and usually make a choice to date someone I have known and become friends with. I can't explain it, I'm just telling you how it is. My problem is *well, perhaps there is more than just 1, but only this one for today* that I seem to lose myself in relationships. It is my nature to please others. I begin to neglect my own thoughts and feelings in some ways and don't always notice until it's too late.

Now I am alone. Yes, I have my children and they are a great comfort because I will always get to love them and they will always return it. We are a family...but wait! I have to share them with their father. I only get them half the time. It took me years to adjust and look at the positive of that situation (although I would never have done it any differently). I always looked at it like I am missing half of their lives. I was able to deal with it because there was always a man in my life to help me adjust. Someone for me to love and care for but now I truly am alone.

I am always looking at the time. *watch out! the princess is on a verbal roll now!* I have always been very time conscious...always. Mostly because I always have someone to take care of, someone to get home to. Does that make sense? I was out with Becca today and for the first time in a very long time, I had absolutely no schedule...and I was actually willing to put on some make-up, do my hair and socialize for a change. I have been spending an awful lot of time at home by myself when the boys are gone. I have been doing a great deal of thinking. Sometimes I come home and don't even turn on the tv or music all evening. Sometimes I just play solitaire and turn things over in my mind. Sometimes I pace and tidy up the house as I walk around. I have just recently gotten back into watching some of my shows. Just a few weeks ago I didn't have enough focus on any show to repeat back what was just said. What I crave though, is human contact. I love phone calls. My girls call and check up on me, or more often I call them when I feel like gabbing. It's ok to just talk on the phone because I don't always actually want to have someone here with me. I feel very sad and I still sometimes cry, but it's not bad...just really different. I check my blog/fb/e-mail all the time. I don't know what I'm waiting for though, it's just a bizarre little habit I have started. I suspect I will obsess about it less and less as time passes. I think at first I would check in hopes of hearing from "the ex"...but I don't look for that anymore. It's not that I don't miss him because I do, but I have a responsibility myself and to my boys and things to do with my friends. I have a job and a life to lead and that's just what I plan to do.

I have been giving a lot of thought to blogging and what I love about it. I love the interaction with all of you. I love that I will sometimes get a call or e-mail from a friend who read something and wanted to comment on it too. It makes me feel good when I get feedback because I love attention...I AM a princess don't ya know! haha...Actually, I also love the feedback because perspective is good. Experience is good. People are interesting and it's cool to connect about feelings with others. I have come in contact with some amazing people during my life and also here on my blog travels. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I have asked a few fine ladies to do guest posts for me. I received a great one from Sid which I plan to post on Monday. I might even wait until Tuesday because it would be a shame if you all missed it! Stay tuned.

kisses,

the princess

I've been meaning to do this post for a while now

Here are a few shots from Becca's wedding at the beginning of August. Keep in mind that I was in the wedding party so I really don't have too many pictures of the actual event.

Me and Becca's fabulously gay cousin PJ. We became friends as soon as we met and before I knew it he had offered to give me my curly doo for the wedding. He got really drunk the night before and I was thrilled that he still hauled ass over to do it.

Thanks again PJ. I got my eyebrows done the day before the wedding. They are a little narrow for my taste, but it's all good.

I just wanted to show you my pretty shoes, purple toenails, and the big bruise I aquired while decorating the reception hall. I simply cannot wear something pretty without having a bruise.

Keep in mind that PJ was snapping these pics behind the professional photographer, so the angles are off.

The beauty queen herself. What a beautiful bride she was.

According to the local ladies, this was the best "Garter Dance" ever. They had never seen someone dance to the entire song before! I happen to think that it's awesome that the groom actually has to WORK for that garter belt...and why shouldn't he? She's worth it. The dance was really quite impressive--complete with a backspin and everything. Becca chose "Billy Jean". Excellent choice my friend.

Busted! And Now It's Off To Blogger Prison

Shame on all you bloggers for making your posts so appealing that I simply cannot resist sneaking a peek at work!

I run 2 computers in my office space. One is a '98 that I use for our extremely comprehensive DOS based accounting system (that my boss doesn't want to let go of), and my XP where I run everything else. I just got the XP last month and am now networked with all the sales/management instead of only my accounts manager. So this morning everything froze up on both systems. I have this connector that allows me to flip from system to system, so I wasn't really alarmed. The mouse wouldn't work. How annoying is it to see 1 stupid box come up that says "no mouse is detected" and another stupid box that says "click here to solve problem"...what the hell? Anyhow, other people had to get involved and the external IT guy was brought in. As I was leaving to meet my ex and Sidney for primary orientation, my boss is saying so what causes this? Shit...shit...shit. And off I go to my meeting.

When I got back everything was working fine and I had a lot of work to do because I took tomorrow off to volunteer before Relay. I went online to get a postal code and saw that my history was out and my blogsite was gone from my list of sites on site bar. No one said anything about it to me so I don't think it caused any problem (although perhaps my signing into something can make a difference?) but now I know someone had a peekie-deek at what I'd been up to. Not all that exciting really, just looking at blogs and I did a post the other day. Ah well, Monday's another day. I will lay off. It's just...so...difficult because I can't get enough.

Introducing Gertrude

Ok, so because I am slightly vain, I bitched about my sore eye a lot last night. The boyfriend and I were making jokes about it all evening. I went to plug in the light in the living room, looked at him and said "should I leave the light off, maybe? keep it dim so we aren't distracted by it?". Then he says "you should just punch yourself in the eye so it looks like you got in a fight!", which I admit, would be amusing but I don't like pain that much.

I woke up this morning and my eye was swollen. I didn't even bother with the make-up. Wouldn't have made any difference anyway. It immediately made me think of my blogger friend Catherinette who calls her blemishes "Simone". I just went looking for her post with the stick lady Simone, but couldn't find it. I have always called mine Gertrude...same name as the maid barbie (the cheap ones whose limbs don't bend) I played with as a child. It also made me wish I could wear an eye patch, but there's a downside to that according to Pistols. I thought about that and laughed some more. It will all be over soon.

My T-Shirt Collection

I dropped by the Sassy Suzel's blog this morning and discovered she had tagged me for a post. I was so excited to post it, I actually felt ok with having to pick Seth up from school early today (he gets unexplained belly-aches sometimes and I always grill him about pain levels before I will get him---mean mama!). I really don't have many t-shirts that say anything. I wear mostly solid colored plain shirts. My first thought was "Man, I wish I still had my vomit glossary t-shirt. That would be hilarious!". But alas, it was so old and worn that I had to cut it up for rags. It had 12 block comics, each one depicting a different saying for "Vomit". One was "Dry Heaves", another "Praying to the porcelain god"...you get the idea. It was the funniest shirt I ever owned. I did manage to find a few that I would love to share with you. These ones are very girly and probably more what I normally wear. Snow bunny (that's me, by the way) and The Doors (gotta love them!).

These are "pub crawl" t-shirts. You may be asking yourself (or me) "What is a pub crawl?". Well, when you live in the city with the most bars per ca pita in the country, you stroll from bar to bar all night. It's not really a regular thing with cover charge being so outrageously priced, but a well organized pub crawl can be a lot of fun, and can last up to 12 hours if you do it right. Sometimes if you call ahead and have enough people, they will (or used to anyhow) waive cover...sweet! It's awesome in a big group. Believe it or not, some bars are so close together you really could crawl to the next if so inclined. Next question "Princess, why is the writing on that shirt upside down?". Hello! I have to be able to read it so I know where to go next! The beige one is from a pub crawl I organized for work. We didn't have a great turn-out, but it was a fun. The black one is from an impromptu high school reunion with some old friends. Good times, good times.




This shirt has been washed so many times that it has holes all over the place. The pits blew out years ago, but i really can't bring myself to get rid of it. This is Pink Floyd we're talking about here! Concert event of my lifetime for certain.

We bought tickets 4 months in advance (floor seats no less) and there was NO WAY anyone was backing out. Here's the scene: Vancouver, 1994--not gonna tell you how old I was, you do the math. My guy and I had broken up about 3 weeks before the concert. His cousin and her boyfriend (also attending with us) had broken up just shortly before as well. Thank god we did have 1 poor buffer guy with us. Actually, we were all so happy to be at the concert we decided on a truce for the night. What a long, strange trip that was.

I once saw a shirt that said "Whenever" on the front, and "Where ever" on the back. My ex-husband didn't like it very much, so I wasn't able to buy it. It made me laugh and I never forgot it. All my girls poke fun because I am always up for some sexy time. I gotta find a "Princess" shirt. Actually, "I'm the Princess, that's why" would be PERFECT for me!

Now, I think I will go ahead and tag some mamas. I tag: Mom of 3, Momma to 2, and my sister Eve. Holla ladies! Let's see whatcha got.

I would also like to know what Kitty and Sid are wearing.

Curbing My Enthusiasm

I happened across a November "Blog Of Note" that I absolutely LOVE. I have been learning so much about being glamorous from this wonderful blog. G.G., you are so creative and have such fabulous fashion sense. Through hers, I found another lady who keeps me captivated with her highly entertaining posts.

I get so enthusiastic about things that I enjoy. When I love something (similar to the facebook addiction) I get so excited and can't help thinking/talking about whatever the new thing is that I have found. (Incidentally, I see this same trait in my 4 year old~~yeah, I said it, he's got my personality~~ we'll see where that goes). I keep telling my guy about blog stuff and he's like...ah ha, yeah, or cool...you know. I get this way whenever I discover a new blog. I don't always put them on my peeps list, but I keep some on my home computer favorites list. In a way, it's a bit like meeting a new person and just learning what they're about. I am having a lot more fun with my own blog due to this new found enthusiasm to re-discover the joys of blogging. One night over the holidays, I sat here making all kinds of changes while I was drunk. CRAZY funny... really. I wanted the little "rockin' blogger girl" picture, but couldn't even think about where else to look for it, so I stole it from Lady. If I am not mistaken, I actually sent a little apology, but I am not certain she got it, or if I managed to send it...I was intoxicated you know! Thank you all for your sweet and very helpful comments.

She's Having a Baby

Anyone remember the movie "She's Having a Baby"? It starred Kevin Bacon-- when he was quite young actually. Anyhow, during the scene where the wife is in labour, it featured a beautiful song by Kate Bush that is just so poignant to me that I wanted to share it with you. It also reminds me greatly of miss sweet/salty Kate's birthing experience...

This Woman's Work

I just received a call from John. Monica gave birth to a baby boy named Jones (pronounced like Jonas) at 4:25pm today. He was 8lbs 12.2 oz.-- Almost the exact weight as Seth (8lbs 12.5oz) at birth! After 24 hours of labour, the baby was taken by c-section. Mother and child are doing well. The boys got showered and dressed with lightening speed while waiting for their dad to arrive! They are off to meet their brand new brother. Incidentally, I saw pictures and he looks exactly like Sidney did at birth...hmmm ...John's genes came right out there!

Welcome to the world little Jones!

Everybody Smile!

I was at the airport one evening waiting to pick someone up, and decided to play a little game. I sat down near the arrival monitors, made eye contact, and smiled at each person who looked in my direction. The results were so very interesting. Some people don't quite know what to make of it, so they give a little close-liped smile, and move on. Others find it quite engaging--and I don't mean in a flirty way. I got so many beautiful smiles back that evening. Made it very worthwhile for me.