Sid was playing at his friend's place for a bit this afternoon, Seth was lounging on the couch watching tv...so I took the opportunity to run out and grab some fruits, veggies and beer. Yeah, yeah it doesn't really match but oh well. I needed a few lunch items for the boys and I wanted some beer since I'm heading over to the neighbor's once Sid goes to sleep to hang out with some ladies for a couple of hours. It's nice that Seth is old enough to stay here without me for short periods of time. He can step out the front door and call to me at her house so I'm quite comfortable.
Back to the story...
On my drive I listened to Pink: I'm Not Dead *which is fabulous by the way* and was flooded with memories as I made my approach to the grocery store. See, I was back in my childhood neighborhood. Back where I lived with Mom. I suppose if I'd grown in a very large city, I would have been in an "inner city" community. Lots of single parent/low income families. I've spoken here before about how diverse it was and also how much I've learned from the experience.
I drove into the parking lot of the store thinking about how it used to be a K-Mart store. My mother was a waitress. She worked in the K-Mart cafeteria for several years before she passed. She was a hard working woman who didn't have much but did what she could. We lived within walking distance...which totally rocked since we didn't have a car. My brother and I used to walk from our apartment building down to K-Mart for 2 things...to visit Mom, and to get a treat. In the centre of the store there was an ice-cream stand. They had the usual variety but that wasn't the attraction. It was the cotton candy. Mmm mmm pure sugar satisfaction for sure. These thoughts were in the forefront of my mind today.
Showing posts with label my mother. Show all posts
Showing posts with label my mother. Show all posts
Saturday, June 06, 2009
Monday, July 07, 2008
Profound for one so young
With the school year at an end, children empty their desks and cart home all the treasure and lessons. Among the various lesson books I found Seth's journal entries. Don't worry, I didn't look without permission. I'm sure a time will come that he will want more privacy but for now he loves for me to read what he writes. He's proud of his abilities in cursive especially. I have to ask him, but I will assume through reading various musings that the teacher presents a topic (ei: a place you have visited or a what would you give the soldiers in war zones...incidentally a Nintendo Wii then he would get his butt out of there!). I read this one and thought it was so interesting I wanted to share it with you. A teacher at his school passed away during the school year and it was a rather hot topic on the playground for a few days. Here's what he had to say:
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
The Grudge~~part #1
I forgive easily but have great difficulty forgetting offences against me or my loved ones. I don't believe this is an unusual trait for a woman.
So there's this horrible Bitch-Cow-Whore (yes, this is how I refer to her) that I will never forget. Her name is actually Rhonda, but I like Bitch-cow-whore so much better. She was my older brother's first live-in girlfriend, which puts us way back in...1986? 1987 perhaps? Anyhow, I went to visit at their place one weekend and I took along all the pictures I had in my possession. All of the family photos that exist. We sat there for hours, my brother and I, sorting and battling for certain shots. There was one in particular...just a snap shot of our parents together. My mother with jeans and a t-shirt that said "Eat a beaver, save a tree"(which we both thought was hilarious!) and my father with his arm around her. They divorced when I was 7, so there weren't a lot of those shots available. I finally relented and let my brother keep that one along with many others. See, I have all of our baby pictures and baby books along with many school pictures, report cards, all of that stuff.
A couple of months later, my brother shows up at my place to talk to me because he had finally decided to leave her. Good, I thought. She's a bitch-cow-whore and not good enough for my brother. But here's the catch...the stupid bitch THREW OUT all of his things! Records, books, and worst of all...PICTURES OF OUR DEAD MOTHER!!! What kind of person does something like that? I would not likely recognise her all these years later, but have always vowed that if I did see her, I would give her a good hard punch in the face.
So there's this horrible Bitch-Cow-Whore (yes, this is how I refer to her) that I will never forget. Her name is actually Rhonda, but I like Bitch-cow-whore so much better. She was my older brother's first live-in girlfriend, which puts us way back in...1986? 1987 perhaps? Anyhow, I went to visit at their place one weekend and I took along all the pictures I had in my possession. All of the family photos that exist. We sat there for hours, my brother and I, sorting and battling for certain shots. There was one in particular...just a snap shot of our parents together. My mother with jeans and a t-shirt that said "Eat a beaver, save a tree"(which we both thought was hilarious!) and my father with his arm around her. They divorced when I was 7, so there weren't a lot of those shots available. I finally relented and let my brother keep that one along with many others. See, I have all of our baby pictures and baby books along with many school pictures, report cards, all of that stuff.
A couple of months later, my brother shows up at my place to talk to me because he had finally decided to leave her. Good, I thought. She's a bitch-cow-whore and not good enough for my brother. But here's the catch...the stupid bitch THREW OUT all of his things! Records, books, and worst of all...PICTURES OF OUR DEAD MOTHER!!! What kind of person does something like that? I would not likely recognise her all these years later, but have always vowed that if I did see her, I would give her a good hard punch in the face.
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
The Princess needs a new pair of sneakers for this
It's almost Relay time again! June 13th is the big night. I will be hanging with 9 other women on my relay team and we will start walking at 7:00pm and continue on through the night until 7:00am the next morning. Last year was my first time. My girl Midge has a younger brother who is a cancer survivor so her family participates every year. She had a spot on her team so she asked me to join them. The track is lined with luminaries, each candlelit bag with a name and often a personal message. Everybody's got a story...no question. What an amazing and very emotional time. In the picture below, 6 of these women have lost a parent to cancer. Each has lost and/or has a survivor in their family. I only knew 3 of the team members last year. It was moving to listen to the stories of these women. During the relay your team must have at least one member walking at all times. We took little breaks, but walked a whole lot. Midge and I actually did morning yoga as well. So much fun. I am really looking forward to it.
So my family and friends, I am asking for some help. I have a very small group of peeps here where I live and I find fundraising extremely difficult. I know that some of my friends out here are not even Canadian, however, research benefits all of us. Wanna sponsor me? Huh, huh? Well...at least flip over to my page and have a look at why I relay.
My relay team...pausing by the speakers to bust-a-move and the photo op of course!
Team Ghetto Fabulous~~Princess C
Friday, April 04, 2008
Butterflies And Memories
So after posting about warm woolen blankets in February, I received a few calls from loved ones and have been thinking about my mother a lot. I always get a jolt when I come in contact with someone who knew her. I soak in every word. Every last one. My life has had so many stages, so many directions it seems. I tend to categorize things in my mind...when my parents were together, when I lived with Mom and her boyfriend, when mom died, living with a new family, and so on into adult life.
She made quite an impression on me. In my adult mind I can recall things from childhood, times with her, specifically conversations we had that I understand so clearly now. She loved to write letters. She always had pretty writing paper. I used to love watching her write at the kitchen table and she had this paper with butterflies on the top left and bottom right of each page. I know because I have some of them right here by my computer. Actually, I am going to get a tattoo of one of the butterflies on the writing paper. Mom loved butterflies. God, she loved them! We bought her a serving tray set with 8 coasters that have actual butterfly wings behind the glass. A little morbid I suppose, but she also had a couple preserved ones in these fancy metal containers. She would show them to me sometimes. They looked so alive. I remember trying to catch butterflies between my fingertips in our yard as a very young child so that I could bring them into the basement and let them fly a little. I always let them go though.
You know what? I found (this is gonna sound backwoods but...) my mom's boyfriend's daughter on the facebook. We haven't seen one another since very early in 1985. We talked a little once I added her to my friends list, but just lately she sent me a link. She makes beaded jewelery and while looking at it, I found something cute and sent an e-mail to ask if she could make one with butterflies instead of flowers. The e-mail she sent me back was so beautiful I really want to share it with you.
I haven't really seen any butterflies, but I haven't really looked. Next time I go bead shopping I will look for butterflies. I remember how much your mom used to love butterflies. There used to be a field next to the Mall (condos there now) that had milkweed, and in the summer one day, dad, your mom and I walked through and their was a ton of monarch butterflies - so beautiful; one of my fond memories.
I sat there staring at the screen for a few moments, then wrote back...
Thank you for sharing that with me. That's a lovely memory. Did you like my mother? Was she kind, or were you rather indifferent regardless? I had many mixed feelings for my father's wife, although she was always kind to me and I grew to love her very much. I was really just curious. There's not many people that I talk to about her that knew her. Thank you. If you find some butterflies i would love a bracelet with some on it.
She sent me back an e-mail that just made me well up. It's ok, really. It sort of feels good but also makes me think of sad times. This girl used to come and stay with us on weekends quite regularly. The way that Ty does here with us, you know? It sort of mattered to me at that moment how she felt being the one walking into our home. This is a woman who has had a rough road. A horribly abusive pig of a stepfather. She was eventually taken from her home and put into foster care. I thought about that after reading the mail...neither of us had knights for dads (you know, to rescue us from circumstance)...life goes on.
I thought she was awesome! She was an incredible woman. She was very kind to me, and she loved you and Rodney very much. I have some good memories of her and some very sad memories. I remember her loving the beach and the sun, and that I was really relaxed around her, especially with everything going on with me and the abuse I was suffering at home. I remember her speaking very fast French when she was talking to her Mom and Dad. She was a happy person, a good person, a very special person. She was a quiet, private person, but good with people. She had a wonderful laugh. After she passed, I know Dad was never the same again, and fell into such a dark depression. He loved her so much, and was so heartbroken. She was the love of his life. I only talk to Dad once in a while, we haven't really been close, but he is my Dad, and I love him.Anyway, I will look for some butterflies - I will think of Audrey when I do.Keep in touch.
Incidentally, I haven't seen her father since Mom's funeral. See? Welling up again just reading it there. I realize this doesn't mean as much to all of you as it does to me, but it made me feel really good to add it here. Another little e-mail I received said this:
People often have nice things to say about another person once they pass away..But in the case of your mother it's all true..She really was a sweet lady.
I feel good about that.
She made quite an impression on me. In my adult mind I can recall things from childhood, times with her, specifically conversations we had that I understand so clearly now. She loved to write letters. She always had pretty writing paper. I used to love watching her write at the kitchen table and she had this paper with butterflies on the top left and bottom right of each page. I know because I have some of them right here by my computer. Actually, I am going to get a tattoo of one of the butterflies on the writing paper. Mom loved butterflies. God, she loved them! We bought her a serving tray set with 8 coasters that have actual butterfly wings behind the glass. A little morbid I suppose, but she also had a couple preserved ones in these fancy metal containers. She would show them to me sometimes. They looked so alive. I remember trying to catch butterflies between my fingertips in our yard as a very young child so that I could bring them into the basement and let them fly a little. I always let them go though.
You know what? I found (this is gonna sound backwoods but...) my mom's boyfriend's daughter on the facebook. We haven't seen one another since very early in 1985. We talked a little once I added her to my friends list, but just lately she sent me a link. She makes beaded jewelery and while looking at it, I found something cute and sent an e-mail to ask if she could make one with butterflies instead of flowers. The e-mail she sent me back was so beautiful I really want to share it with you.
I haven't really seen any butterflies, but I haven't really looked. Next time I go bead shopping I will look for butterflies. I remember how much your mom used to love butterflies. There used to be a field next to the Mall (condos there now) that had milkweed, and in the summer one day, dad, your mom and I walked through and their was a ton of monarch butterflies - so beautiful; one of my fond memories.
I sat there staring at the screen for a few moments, then wrote back...
Thank you for sharing that with me. That's a lovely memory. Did you like my mother? Was she kind, or were you rather indifferent regardless? I had many mixed feelings for my father's wife, although she was always kind to me and I grew to love her very much. I was really just curious. There's not many people that I talk to about her that knew her. Thank you. If you find some butterflies i would love a bracelet with some on it.
She sent me back an e-mail that just made me well up. It's ok, really. It sort of feels good but also makes me think of sad times. This girl used to come and stay with us on weekends quite regularly. The way that Ty does here with us, you know? It sort of mattered to me at that moment how she felt being the one walking into our home. This is a woman who has had a rough road. A horribly abusive pig of a stepfather. She was eventually taken from her home and put into foster care. I thought about that after reading the mail...neither of us had knights for dads (you know, to rescue us from circumstance)...life goes on.
I thought she was awesome! She was an incredible woman. She was very kind to me, and she loved you and Rodney very much. I have some good memories of her and some very sad memories. I remember her loving the beach and the sun, and that I was really relaxed around her, especially with everything going on with me and the abuse I was suffering at home. I remember her speaking very fast French when she was talking to her Mom and Dad. She was a happy person, a good person, a very special person. She was a quiet, private person, but good with people. She had a wonderful laugh. After she passed, I know Dad was never the same again, and fell into such a dark depression. He loved her so much, and was so heartbroken. She was the love of his life. I only talk to Dad once in a while, we haven't really been close, but he is my Dad, and I love him.Anyway, I will look for some butterflies - I will think of Audrey when I do.Keep in touch.
Incidentally, I haven't seen her father since Mom's funeral. See? Welling up again just reading it there. I realize this doesn't mean as much to all of you as it does to me, but it made me feel really good to add it here. Another little e-mail I received said this:
People often have nice things to say about another person once they pass away..But in the case of your mother it's all true..She really was a sweet lady.
I feel good about that.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
A Warm Woolen Blanket and What It Means to Me
On February 24, 1985 I awoke on a Sunday morning to find an extra blanket on my bed. It was one of those Hudson's Bay Company signature blankets. It was ivory with 1 thick green strip and 1 thick red one on one end of it. I knew immediately what the significance of the blanket was. I was 13 at the time, so we were long past the time in a child's life when parents routinely tuck you in before settling in themselves. But I was not in a routine situation. That blanket was there because someone came in to check on me. The only reason someone would do that is if Mom died while I was sleeping. I saw her on Saturday afternoon and it was quite clear that she had very limited time left here with us. Her battle with cancer lost.
Here I sit 23 years later (after getting up to dry my eyes that is) thinking how much I miss her still. She was 38 years old. I remember her sitting my brother and I down in the living room one night to talk. She looked at us and said "I am so sorry this is happening". I said "Mom, it's not your fault." and it certainly wasn't. I have grown to understand what she meant after having children of my own. I look at them every day and thank god that I am healthy and well and able to be a mother to my beautiful boys. I am turning 37 on my birthday. I do not have cancer. I do, however, get my annual exams and encourage everyone else out the to do the same. It could make a difference in your life.
I have had people ask me some silly questions over the years when I say my mom had cancer like...well did she smoke? Do only smokers get cancer? Absolutely not. Don't bother me with your silly questions. Actually, she had Uterine cancer. She was on and off sick for about 3-4 years at least but had long periods where she was able to still work and stuff. She stayed at home until about a month before she passed. At that time, I went to live with family friends as was the wish of my mother. My brother went to live with our father for just a few months to finish high school and all of that. He went into university dorms, then was on his own for the most part. We have always been tight. (well, we talk much less frequently right now but hopefully I can change that)
I think about her every day. I have found that since getting separated I think of her even more because our lives took similar paths and I mourn the loss of our relationship. I have a little card box of letters that my mom's friend sent me. It is so cool to read letters that she wrote to a friend. Just get a little idea of what she was like socially. My mother is a perfect angel, see? She could do no wrong in my eyes. I believe we would have had a good relationship. I believe she would have been very involved in the lives of my children and that they would have spent a lot of time getting to know her. I believe that she would be my closest friend and biggest support. I believe that things happen for a reason.
I feel very sad today. I think I'm going back to bed for a little while.
Here I sit 23 years later (after getting up to dry my eyes that is) thinking how much I miss her still. She was 38 years old. I remember her sitting my brother and I down in the living room one night to talk. She looked at us and said "I am so sorry this is happening". I said "Mom, it's not your fault." and it certainly wasn't. I have grown to understand what she meant after having children of my own. I look at them every day and thank god that I am healthy and well and able to be a mother to my beautiful boys. I am turning 37 on my birthday. I do not have cancer. I do, however, get my annual exams and encourage everyone else out the to do the same. It could make a difference in your life.
I have had people ask me some silly questions over the years when I say my mom had cancer like...well did she smoke? Do only smokers get cancer? Absolutely not. Don't bother me with your silly questions. Actually, she had Uterine cancer. She was on and off sick for about 3-4 years at least but had long periods where she was able to still work and stuff. She stayed at home until about a month before she passed. At that time, I went to live with family friends as was the wish of my mother. My brother went to live with our father for just a few months to finish high school and all of that. He went into university dorms, then was on his own for the most part. We have always been tight. (well, we talk much less frequently right now but hopefully I can change that)
I think about her every day. I have found that since getting separated I think of her even more because our lives took similar paths and I mourn the loss of our relationship. I have a little card box of letters that my mom's friend sent me. It is so cool to read letters that she wrote to a friend. Just get a little idea of what she was like socially. My mother is a perfect angel, see? She could do no wrong in my eyes. I believe we would have had a good relationship. I believe she would have been very involved in the lives of my children and that they would have spent a lot of time getting to know her. I believe that she would be my closest friend and biggest support. I believe that things happen for a reason.
I feel very sad today. I think I'm going back to bed for a little while.
Friday, January 18, 2008
How My Mother Chose My Name
It is my understanding that my mother greatly loved this song, and chose to name me after the girl the song was written for...
Corinna, Corinna
I love Corinna, tell the world I do
I love Corinna, tell the world I do
I pray at night she'd like to love me too
Corinna, Corinna
Corinna, Corinna
Corinna, Corinna
I love you so
Oh little darling where you've been so long?
Oh little darling where you've been so long?
I ain't had no lovin' since you've been gone
Corinna, Corinna
Corinna, Corinna
Corinna, Corinna
I love you so
I left Corinna way across the sea
Oh me I left Corinna way across the sea
If you see Corinna send her home to me
Corinna, Corinna
Corinna, Corinna
Corinna, Corinna
I love you so
Corinna, Corinna
Corinna, Corinna
Corinna, Corinna
I love you so
Oh darling don't you know
I love you so
Darling don't you know
I love you so
by: Eric Burdon & The Animals
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
This One's For You Frankie
I recently aquired a picture scanner and am enjoying it very much. Just wanted to display a great old picture I found of my mother and my guardian dad taken on Boxing Day of 1975...
not quite straight, give me time
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Why do I Relay?
I Relay for my Mother, Audrey Snooks...and for all my friends and family who have been touched by cancer.
I participated in the Relay For Life this past Friday. It is a 12 hour relay with teams of 10. Someone from each team is to be walking at all times for the duration. It was a very emotionally moving experience. For those of you who are not sure what the hell I am talking about, it is a relay to raise money for cancer research. A cause near and dear to my heart. I am so thrilled to have been a part of such a wonderful event, and will definately do it again next June.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Back in the Day
I love Hip-hop! We have a great new radio station here that is dedicated to Hip-Hop/Rap music. They started by simply playing music to see how popular it was, and low and behold! People were talking. About a month or two after the initial broadcast, we had a new station complete with fresh new radio personalities and sponsors. We live in a very conservative province, you see, so it really could have gone either way. This genre of music has become so mainstream that people of all ages listen to it. I know why I do. It goes back to my childhood.
After my parent's divorce when I was 7, my mother, brother and I moved into a 2 bedroom apartment in "The Hood", as you will. Anyone from here recognizes the address when I say that's where I lived. I had friends of various races, never knowing what it was to be "prejudice" because we all had one huge commonality. WE WUZ ALL PO. I am very grateful for this as it gave me the basis for a life without judgment of others based on appearances. As I said, Nova Scotia is a conservative province and has a long history of contention among different races(particularly between white and black people). It was while living there that I developed my love of Hip-Hop/Rap music. Every Saturday, all the kids from the neighbourhood would take the bus to the other side of town to rollerskate at "Wheelies". We donned our tight jeans and highcut sneakers, brought our own K-Mart special rollerskates to began our weekly adventure. The tongues on the skates were tied down to the boot with the laces, and fuzzy dice hung down the sides for all to admire. We were kings and queens of that stadium whether others knew it or not. It was all about the hip-hop there, and of course, the slow tunes to show off the skating/dancing technique we had all been working on.
The roller rink is long gone, replaced with a large car dealership, but the memories live on from that time in my life. Gone are the days of children being out and about without parental supervision--even in large groups. There are unseen dangers lurking everywhere that we were oblivious to at the time. I mourn this loss of innocence for my own children, who will never have the freedom I had.
Thank you to Z103.5 for allowing me to reflect on these fond memories.
After my parent's divorce when I was 7, my mother, brother and I moved into a 2 bedroom apartment in "The Hood", as you will. Anyone from here recognizes the address when I say that's where I lived. I had friends of various races, never knowing what it was to be "prejudice" because we all had one huge commonality. WE WUZ ALL PO. I am very grateful for this as it gave me the basis for a life without judgment of others based on appearances. As I said, Nova Scotia is a conservative province and has a long history of contention among different races(particularly between white and black people). It was while living there that I developed my love of Hip-Hop/Rap music. Every Saturday, all the kids from the neighbourhood would take the bus to the other side of town to rollerskate at "Wheelies". We donned our tight jeans and highcut sneakers, brought our own K-Mart special rollerskates to began our weekly adventure. The tongues on the skates were tied down to the boot with the laces, and fuzzy dice hung down the sides for all to admire. We were kings and queens of that stadium whether others knew it or not. It was all about the hip-hop there, and of course, the slow tunes to show off the skating/dancing technique we had all been working on.
The roller rink is long gone, replaced with a large car dealership, but the memories live on from that time in my life. Gone are the days of children being out and about without parental supervision--even in large groups. There are unseen dangers lurking everywhere that we were oblivious to at the time. I mourn this loss of innocence for my own children, who will never have the freedom I had.
Thank you to Z103.5 for allowing me to reflect on these fond memories.
Monday, December 25, 2006
Christmas With Audrey
Once I get my pictures scanned, I think I will post one of my mother. She really was a genuinely wonderful person. Well loved and well missed. The last Christmas we spent with her was in 1984.
She was quite ill, but still able to live at home. Our father took my brother Rodney and I out to pick some gifts for her. We got a couple of cute nighties, bath things, butterfly writing paper, and her most favorite thing...CHOCOLATE SNOWBALLS! These are not the home-made cookies you may be thinking of, but a soft, fluff like marshmallow covered in chocolate and coconut that you purchase pre-packaged. She absolutely loved them, and they were always around at Christmas.
My most vivid memory of Christmas to date is the joyous sight of my mother eating her favorite treat, getting marshmallow on her lips and chin in a childlike manner. We are very much alike in some ways, she and I.
I miss you Mom.
She was quite ill, but still able to live at home. Our father took my brother Rodney and I out to pick some gifts for her. We got a couple of cute nighties, bath things, butterfly writing paper, and her most favorite thing...CHOCOLATE SNOWBALLS! These are not the home-made cookies you may be thinking of, but a soft, fluff like marshmallow covered in chocolate and coconut that you purchase pre-packaged. She absolutely loved them, and they were always around at Christmas.
My most vivid memory of Christmas to date is the joyous sight of my mother eating her favorite treat, getting marshmallow on her lips and chin in a childlike manner. We are very much alike in some ways, she and I.
I miss you Mom.
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