My Bittersweet Love Affair with The Slim White Demon

Sounds rather steamy, doesn't it? I am definately not talking about a man. No slim jims allowed here thank you very much.

I wrote a post in January where I shared with you the fact that I had been cigarette free since October 31, 2007. I held off a while before saying anything and was doing quite well until one fateful day when I made a royal blunder.

I went to my girl's surprise birthday party and actually hung out with the smokers (seeing as she is one) and did all right. Resisted temptation. And even though I know:

Smoking makes your teeth yellow,

Smoking makes your breath smellow!

I still got this waft of sweet smelly smoke and wanted one. The next evening I was home alone and found the full pack that the boyfriend hadn't taken with him. I sat down and smoked 3 within 1/2 hour. I know...disgusting! I happen to agree, but alas my friends, I am smoking again. I suspect that's part of the reason I have been feeling a little low. It made me feel great to stop and if I had kept up with the workouts it would have helped. I will try again soon. For the good of my health and my children I WILL LICK THIS!

I Said I Would, And I Actually Did!

So, I mentioned that I haven't had a cigarette in a while. I have been waiting to talk about it because I didn't want to jinx myself, if that makes any sense. I guess I didn't want to write about it too quickly in case I bailed again. Before I made this post, I wanted to be certain that I was on the right track, and had actually followed through with what I said in "bad habits" last year...that 2007 was the year to make it happen.

This time, my doctor suggested I check out champix online, and let her know what I think. I decided to try it since I liked what I read, and she had said several people were having good results with it. See, you start the pills, then set the quit date. For me, every day was easier and I wanted less to smoke. By the eve of my quit date, I was nervous but encouraged for sure. I have not had a cigarette since October 31, 2007. Yay for me! Perhaps I am also just ready. It really takes will power, although I am still taking the pills and that helps. I have been out a few times with people smoking...sans cigarettes por moi... even had drinks. This is MAGIC for me! So far, so good. I don't even miss it with my coffee OR my beer.

The Heros at Home

the most coveted gift of all

Just warming up

Seth and Tyler rockin' out

Sidney in deep concentration

Honesty

I added the "honesty box" feature to my facebook. This means that people can type in an anonymous opinion about me that only I can view when I log in. Blue writing indicates that it is a man, and red for a woman. As I clicked to add it, I knew it could be a good thing or a bad thing. Time will tell.

The first comment I received was 100% true, but still unpleasant to see in all it's bold red glory. It said: "you are stressed out and high-strung". I have to agree, I am both of those things. I mentioned it to Tracy, and she added one to make me feel better. It said: "you are a hot mamma". Thanks Tray...you too! The third had no color, but I know who wrote it as well. It said that I take things to heart (not always a bad thing) and that I am one of the best friends a person could have. Thank you Diana, cause I know it was you. It can be bittersweet to have a means of getting real opinions from people you know. Because it is anonymous, they can say whatever they want. I will wait and see what else comes out.

My Heart is Overflowing

Background...

pssst...Blake has a son. He just turned 9 years old. They haven't seen one another since his boy was 1 1/2. With respect to Blake and his privacy, I will not embellish except to say that because of many reasons of her own, and without explanation she left the province "without a trace". Blake has spent these years growing personally (as we all do) and becoming the responsible man that I met and became involved with. He thinks about his son every day--perhaps even more now as he gets to know my children. We have talked about the possibilities of finding them...how to do it and all of that.

Last Night...

After a conversation we had had previously, Blake decided to check out Facebook and see if he could find her name and picture. He called my cell as I was on my way home from work and says "I found her!". Oh My Goodness the emotion in his voice...so close to tears! So when I arrived he is still composing the e-mail. I read it and thought he said such appropriate things in a very non-confrontational mannor. He sent it without no expectation of response.

This Morning...

I was going through Tim Horton's drive-thru with the boys on the way in to work when the cellphone rings..."She responded", "He knows about me and they are moving here in June", "She was going to look for me" ...tears of joy are falling. It's in his voice, deep with emotion. OH HAPPY DAY!

Stay tuned for further developments...

Updates on Bad Habits

FYI

I have been on the nicoderm patch for almost 3 weeks now. It is going pretty well, although I did forget to put one on a couple of times. Have you ever seen the Nicoderm commercial with the flight attendant attempting to quit smoking?

That's exactly how I felt 3 days in and forgot that patch for work. Wow!

Bad Habits and Resolutions

I have a lot of bad habits. I love beer on the weekends, and occasionally on a weeknight--depending on what's going on. I love smoking, yeah, I said it! I realize it is a super nasty habit and yet I struggle.

I don't like making New Year's Resolutions. I prefer to review my past year, and set goals for the new one. This year my goal is to begin a regular exercise routine again. I did it several years ago and maintained it until I was about 5 1/2 months along with Sidney. I loved it! Here I am again--5 years later...I have been steady at it for the last 3 weeks. Feels really good. I try and do it as soon as I get home from work, or right after supper if the boys are here. Sidney wants to do it with me. I tell him he can, only to stay far enough that I don't kick him or something. It's working out very nicely. The greatest part is that it encourages me to cut down/quit smoking. I did this before and I can do it again. I am not setting a specific date, but I am gonna do it. This is the year.