I Can't Even Help Myself...I Must Look!

I look over my blog entries quite frequently. As I give the link to various facebook friends, I look again to see if anyone has left a comment. I become more sure of myself in writing, yet when I see no comments, the irrational part of my brain says that not many people are reading it. That may well be the case, and even still I love to write my posts and tell my little tales. It has been an interesting experience over the past year, just allowing myself to say what I want and to let my family and friends into my everyday life even though they are far away.

Now we get to obsessive part...you know where it says "view my complete profile"? Well, I look occasionally to see if the number on my profile page has changed to determine if anyone is looking at it. I swear, at least a third of the number is ME looking at my own profile! What is that? I suppose it's because I am really beginning to enjoy it more and I want people to see it, and let me know what they think also. I have sent the link to some of my closest friends, and they say..."Oh yeah, I meant to look at that", or "I did look at it once, and it reads like you talk". For a while, I didn't feel like writing because I didn't feel like it was important or interesting enough for people to read, but after reading some other blogs, I realized that it doesn't really matter at all. Everyone is different and unique. I am pleased with myself just for making the commitment to write on a regular basis. I am loosening up and keeping in mind that just because people don't make comments doesn't mean that they don't read it, and even if only a handful of people do, I am glad that to have them in my little world. So thank you!

Obsess much, ya think?

This Is The End...

I received something in the mail today that I have been expecting for about a month. Just a small envelope (preceded by a larger one full of documents) containing a single page. My marriage, which was solemnized on the 10th day of August, was dissolved by a judgment which became effective on the 11th day of October. We were legally married 11 years but have been living apart for the last 3, split for the last 4. I do not take this lightly. Marriage is not a joke. It is one of the most difficult jobs a person will have and it requires so much and will certainly be very trying. It can be so much more when there is respect and understanding. ..

I am very happy to have this piece of paper. It has been a very long time coming, and so much has happened in the last 4 years. We do our best to raise our children in this situation and we are so much happier this way.

Oh! And by the way...Blake is no longer dating a married chick :)

The Power of 10

My big boy Seth is an entire decade old today. He says, "Mom, I am going to be a tween!". Now I am really left wondering how 10 years could possibly have gone that quickly. Being honest, makes me feel a little old. That's ok, though. It is the nature of life. The normal course of action, we just don't feel age come upon us for the most part. You are only as old as you feel, so they say...

Seth had 3 friends stay over on Friday night. I prudently decided to ask their father if Sidney could stay there for the night so that Seth and his friends could have my undivided attention. They don't want to play with him because, he's too little, of course. He ends up crying and with hurt feelings. He came over with Dad and Monica yesterday for pizza and cake, then off to the arcade. A good time was had by all.

I now see before me a big boy...coming closer to the teenage stage with every passing day. All we can do is teach him right from wrong and pray that he makes positive choices with his peers. He is still (as of now) a child that will hug and kiss me goodbye when I drop him off...preferably outside, thank you very much, but I still get them. I know that over this next couple of years he may start to think of me as an embarrassment, but I will enjoy every last ounce of cuddle time until that sad day arrives.

Happy Birthday, Seth! You are a wonderful, intelligent, strong boy who will become a man before I blink twice, it seems. I love you and am always grateful that I was chosen to carry you and raise you.

Giving Thanks

Today I am thankful for many things.

I am thankful for my children. I am grateful that they have no health concerns and that they are able to live happy, active lives.

I am thankful for Blake. I am happy that he understands me so well and is able to make me feel better when I am downhearted. Thankful also that we have chosen a life together.

I am thankful for my family and the support that they offer me as I raise my boys and live my life.

I am thankful for my friends. For their roles in my life and for the love that they share with me.

I am thankful that I am able to live in a house instead of an apartment so that we can enjoy a yard of our own and more than one level inside...even if it is only a rental.

I am thankful that I have had the experiences in life that I have because I feel it makes me a stronger, more capable person.

Most Shocking Behavior

I heard something on a news brief while driving to work this morning that I thought about through the day. Three girls (ages 14,15 and 18) tortured another girl (age 18) and beat her almost to death for giving information to the police. They took a short break at one point and she was finally able to run away...surely saving her life. Appalling...how does this happen to such young women? How does this happen to anyone? What drove them not only to seriously damage and brutally torture another human being, but also risk their own free lives in exchange? I can't understand it.

I have strong opinions about this young offenders act. It's such a mask/ curtain for these offenders who are getting younger and younger it seems. Where is the accountability for action? What are the consequences in the end? A slap on the wrist and an ability to maintain anonymity? I would love to have an e-mail chat with a certain retired cop I know, just to get a feel for how things have moved in this direction from that perspective.

A Beautiful Rustic Wedding--Adair Style

This past Saturday, I attended Adair and Mark's wedding held at the beautiful Mountain Gap Inn and Resorts in Digby, Nova Scotia. In an old-fashioned wooden chapel high on a hill, we all watched as they exchanged the vows they had written for one another. Cool breeze filtered through the partially enclosed church, adding an element of past history...you could close your eyes and imagine weddings from years past, quaint little religious ceremonies held in that very spot. Of course, these thoughts were more of my own imagining than reality perhaps. I don't even know how long that chapel has been standing, but it sort of had an 1800's feel to it, I think.

Of all my female friends, Adair has the most "earthy" quality. She loves the outdoors, and all things natural. She is also the very BEST planner of events. She made cupcakes instead of wedding cake (decorated differently with white/chocolate cake for personal preference). Each family was given a maple tree to plant at their homes, and beautiful name cards at each place setting with special quotes on the inside. Because the wedding and reception were held at the same place, there was a chance to just relax and have a drink or two while the new bride and groom (along with their entourage) had pictures taken. I would have liked to take more pictures, but it was so hard to get a good shot as everyone else had the same idea.

All I kept thinking about while watching my lovely friend all evening was how typically "Adair" everything was. You did a beautiful job, my friend. It is a day we will surely not forget. Congratulations on your marriage...many happy years to follow I am sure. Owen is a lucky boy indeed to have such a loving, caring stepmother in his life.

And It Slipped Through My Fingers

I applied for this random job that I saw online. It is in the construction industry, and I figured...what the hell, I can do this. See, I am not a great fan of change. I like when things stay the same, however, I would like to provide more so I do occasionally have a peek. I am a loyal employee. I feel that little guilty feeling when I call in sick...even when I really and truly feel like death is upon me (ok, so a little exaggeration there). I sort of felt bad even applying, but when it comes right down to it, I have to look out for me because I am the only one who can do it.

I got a call the day after I dropped by with my resume. I felt great even having received a call, really. I have applied for things over the last 3 years or so, but no takers. I don't even care I am going to say it! Looking for work is so intimidating, don't you think? I mean, it's different for me right now because I have a full time job that works well for my boys. I have nothing to lose by trying, but still a little on the scary side. Anyhow, I had an interview late last week. It went very well and we got along splendidly. I received another call and had yet another interview with the out of town boss. He was very nice and we got on well (does that sound somehow dirty how I said that? that's not what I mean, come on!) . The local partner and man in charge where I was applying came in for some of the interview. Sort of a "getting to know you" time if you will. Anyhow, it went very well, but you just never know what the other applicants have. That is what happened in this case. It just wasn't meant to be right now I guess. Tasted good though...salary, 3 weeks paid vacation, allowance for sick days (within reason, of course) and many government holidays off as well. It is good to dream. This experience has built confidence within me to get out there and sell my skills.

Little Life Lesson #2

There was a sports field near my apartment building growing up. We used to cut through it sometimes going from one friend's place to home. Anyhow, someone once told us (a slightly older friend I believe) not to walk through the field alone because we might get "RAKED" to death. Hmmmmm...I remember just pondering that for a while...how it would feel to have someone run a rake down my body...ewwww. I couldn't really understand why someone would do that at all.

Of course these years later, I understand what the real danger was. Neither, in my opinion, sounds more horrible than the other. It certainly did keep us from cutting through the field.

WHOOO HOOO

Blake won tickets to the Billy Talent concert here in town tomorrow. He called into the radio station with his "talent". He does impersonations...Borat, the Crocodile Hunter, various farm animals...don't ask, it's just what he does for entertainment. He is hilarious and it has paid off for him. I didn't actually hear him on the radio, but my co-workers did. He told them he could do farm animals and proceeded to do a few as they requested specific ones. There was a message on the answering machine today telling him that he was also the grand prize winner of backstage passes and a chance to hang with Billy Talent! Isn't that something?

I've Fallen And Can Barely Get Up

I am clumsy. If there is a table, chair or some other hard object handy, I will bang into it. If there is a curb or crack in the sidewalk to trip over, I'll do it. I accept this because I really have no other choice. I am "an accident waiting to happen".

2 weekends ago Blake and I were taking down the remainder of the hideous border that had to be scraped from the wall too high to reach on a chair. He took one look at the latter I was going to climb up and opted to scrape it himself and not risk watching me fall down. Wasn't that nice of him? Anyhow, he was scraping and I was wetting the sponge and passing it up and down, also washing walls behind him. We had finally reached the last wall and I went partway down the stairs to pick some of the wet paper off of them. That's when the day went to hell...I slipped and fell down the stairs. I took most of my weight on my left wrist (incidentally I am left-handed) and my left butt cheek. I sort of hobbled into the bedroom to lay down or something...didn't quite know what while Blake is yelling..."What happened?" I just said "I fell down the stairs, just gimme a minute."

I had planned on washing the rest of the wall, then the floors and onto bathrooms...nothing else got done that day. I was definitely done. I went for an x-ray on Thursday as my wrist was (and still is) very tender and sore. Luckily, no broken bones just some badly stretched tendons and bruising.

So...this past weekend we were in Canaan at my cousin's cottage and I banged my leg getting out of the speedboat--OUCH! I have the nastiest, ugliest bruise on my right knee. Lovely! Ah well, such is the life of Corinna. Blake said "Man, everyone is going to think I beat you!". Well, not anyone who knows me well. They all know I can do it to myself without any help.

My Beautiful Mother

age 23

age 26

age 35

This One's For You Frankie

I recently aquired a picture scanner and am enjoying it very much. Just wanted to display a great old picture I found of my mother and my guardian dad taken on Boxing Day of 1975...

not quite straight, give me time

Baby Gift Idea

FYI: I am not a very crafty lady. It has taken me an entire year to create a scrapbook for my step-mother which I still haven't sent to her. One thing I did learn how to make years ago, though, is a diaper cake. I have made several of them over the years. Mostly for co-workers having babies. It can be difficult to choose baby gifts, and this one is ultra practical although it can get very expensive. I usually do it for someone when I have collected money from a few people. To make a really good one it will cost about $125 at least.

This is what you do:

Go to a store that has all the small baby items you can find. Little travel packs of diaper cream, bath lotions, shampoo. Receiving blankets and face clothes are great because they are generally already rolled up. Any small item will work. Nail care sets, small toys...I will explain why and show you how it looks. Make sure you get a stuffy of some sort to go on top.

Take some size 1 diapers in stacks of 4-5 and set them on their sides creating a small diamond/square shape. Fill in the center and add more diapers on the corners creating almost a round shape. Add more using the same method until you have a large circle. You will need almost a full mega-pack for this layer and another half for the second. Have someone hold the shape and cut some ribbon. Loop it around the circle and pull tightly to tie in a knot. Be very careful at this point because if you pull too tightly, the ribbon will ride up on one side and the layer will fall apart causing some frustration (yes, I know this from experience). Make a smaller circle to go on top.

Make sure you stack the layers so that there are a few diapers on the bottom layer exposed. It will look like a tiered wedding cake. Start putting small gifts in the cracks. The blankets work nicely in those hollow spots that are inevitable. Now I will give you a visual...

this shows all the little things before it was wrapped

a little closer

Now, I should have said this earlier, but make a cardboard cut the same size as the bottom layer (before you put anything on it, set the bottom layer on the cardboard to trace). Place it under the whole thing as you create. Look for some baby oriented clear cellophane or a solid color that is clear or light will do as well. You'll probably need 2 rolls. They are never wide enough it seems, so you have to set the first roll down, then the second over it perpendicular to the first creating a square center to put the cake on--cardboard and all. Bring the inner layer up around and see how much you have left as you will make a neck with ribbon strands when it is ready. Pull the other roll up around. You will have to mess with it a bit to cover the entire cake (depending on the width, of course). This is how it looks when I present it to the new parents...

See what I mean about the size the the wrap?

I had a friend show me how it to these while I was pregnant with Seth. I always thought it was a unique and thoughtful gift.

Romance

So one of my co-workers got married in July. He and his wife have been together for 13 years, are both in their 30's and are so happy together. He said this morning that tonight is "love night". He has mentioned it before, so we (Diana and I) pressed for details...

"What does love night entail?"

"We make a "love nest", which is a futon on the living room floor, then we lay together and just talk or read books and discuss them...and so on."

We were saying "Aw Greg, that is beautiful...so romantic"

How wonderful and sweet is that? Everyone has their own ways of spending time together. Greg and his wife don't have cable and don't really watch a lot of movies or television. This really does give them more opportunity to talk and spend time. What a great idea. Makes me happy to see them so happy together after 13 years.

There is definately something to be said for too much technoloy. We have so much going on around us that we sometimes neglect the little moments in time with loved ones. This couple makes a point of clearing time for love night...that is a romantic gesture in itself.

Big Boy's Birthday

blowing out the candle

weeeee!

getting ready for the guests

He's a Senior Now

My baby is turning 4 tomorrow. MY BABY IS TURNING 4 TOMORROW! How did the time go so very quickly? It seems to me that since having children, the months--even years seem to just fly.

Sidney has been elevated to the "senior room" in daycare. There, he will learn many skills that will aid him a year from now when he starts school. They have a great program called "School Readiness". Having had Seth in the same daycare, I am aware of how much work these ladies put into the program to prepare our children. Sidney is feeling so proud and so big just now. He is in a booster seat instead of his old car seat, he is making some new friends in the class. I remind him, though, that his "junior" friends will move up before long--so don't forget about them.

We are having a kiddie pool/slip 'n slide party in the backyard tomorrow. Sidney put in a special request that I invite Daddy, Monica and Jo-Jo (baby Jones) to the party. Consequently, I have been just a little on edge this week--as Big Brother 8 contestant Joe would say..."AWKWARD!!!". I realize it's a bit silly, but I have never actually had them in my home before. It's all good because it's my turf and it makes it infinitely easier when I have my own support system. No longer me and them, but us and them...more balance, see?

I am so excited for the children to arrive. I am picking up Midge and her daughter when I go to get the cake in the morning so she can help me decorate and stuff. I will post some pictures on Sunday.

Flipping the Bird

Seth: "Mom, I know what you do when you're driving on the highway and someone cuts you off."

Me: "Oh Yeah? What's that?"

Seth: "You give the middle finger as they're driving by."

Me: "Who said that?"

Seth: "Well, that's what Dad did on the way to Ontario."

and in an unrelated conversation...

Seth: "Do you know what would make this Stone Cold Steve Austin action figure better? If it had 'middle finger action'."

And I gotta laugh...just not so he can hear me...

The Princess Diaries

I sometimes call myself "Princess Corinna". It started years ago during an evening of drinking with friends. My friend Tammie and I were walking around with little plastic tiarras on our heads and pretending that we got our own ways...when really, we didn't. Not a princess in the stereo-typical "Jewish Princess" sense, as I do not expect, nor do I receive all the material things I want. It is about attitude. I do not demand nor expect an abundance of "things" to make me happy, however, I do expect a lot of respect, love and affection. If I do not receive these things, I feel cranky and unappreciated.

This morning after the alarm clock went off, I stayed in bed and asked for a cuddle. He responded by saying that he was freezing and didn't move. I perceived it as him being too lazy to turn over and hug me, so I flicked him in the head and got out of bed to prepare for work. Yeah, I know...what a bitch! I don't like when things start to change and become overly comfortable. There should always be time in our lives to show love to one another. The longer you are together, the harder it becomes. You know that person will be there later, so you don't try as hard. Gentlemen, this is a wake up call. Do not ignore the signs when your lady wants some attention. We will be like tame little kittens if you do this for us.

The older I get, the more demanding I get. The more I expect to receive what I want and need. I am most excellent at compromise, unless my needs suffer. I will have no more of that, thank you very much.

I am sorry, babe, that I reacted that way...just so you know.

Mean, Wild and Far Away

Have you ever been singing at the top of your lungs to a song you think you know the words to, but really don't? Such an embarrassment to be caught...

Growing up, I was introduced to a wide variety of music. My Mom's boyfriend Brian had a HUGE record collection and the stereo was on much more than the television. I could write posts for days just on musical tastes and artists that I love and why, in fact, I may just do that from time to time. As a young adult, I packed my things and moved across the country into my brother's place where I got another fabulous dose of musical variety. We would sit for hours having a good old fashioned Nova Scotia style KITCHEN PARTY, discussing artists and where we first heard them. Being 4 years older, he had a better recollection of the artist's names and album titles. He has collected well over 300 cd's over the years.

One group that stands out to me is The Moody Blues. It's nice background music, but also very nostalgic. There is a song titled "Meanwhile and Far Away" that I have always loved. Funny thing is, until I was 20 years old, I thought it was called "Mean, Wild and Far Away". I had been singing it that way since I first heard it. Thought of that and it made me giggle.

Dad, I'm Here!

Those are the first words Blake heard from Tyler in person. Probably the sweetest words he has ever heard. From the sound of things, we will be able to see him pretty regularly.