Feed My Self Esteem

This was the title of a small exercise we did in Human Relations during my year at college. We had to give a piece of paper with this title to 5 people who were students, and 5 who we knew in other capacities. These are the responses I received in 1996:

NonStudents:

You are to me the picture of cheer. Always willing to help someone in need, even if you are in need yourself. You are always filled with love and kindness. You are the best friend a person could ask for.

John Riutta

Cori is the most empathetic person I have ever known. She never trivializes the problems or pain of another person. This is her most admirable quality and what makes me prooud to call her my friend.

Patty Desjardins (my best friend at the time)

You are the most sensitive person I know, with respect and understanding of people and their problems and you try to keep everyone that you deeply care for happy. You are also very loving and caring person. I see this especially in the way you are with my family (daughter). I am glad to know you and very lucky to have you as a friend.

John Desjardins

Cori is very friendly, easy to talk to and down-to-earth. She seems to be always in a good mood and has a contagious laugh. She is very nice and cares about others. She is a hard worker. All around nice girl.

Jaques Simmard (husband of a classmate)

I really enjoy Cori's positive attitude and great smile. Cori also has a good sense of humour and a very inquisitive nature which I appreciate.

Judy Neville (professor at college)

Students:

Cori is a lovely person to know. She is always very pleasant, helpful, and willing to go that extra mile. I find her contributions in class extremely interesting

Pam Holmes

You are a very nice person. You have a lot of good things going for you. You are easy to get along with and you are easy to talk to.

Cathy Comeau

I find you to be a very positive person. Yoiu always look for the good in someone before the bad. You are always cheerful and happy, and if someone is having a bad day you always try to help them out because you are a compassionate person. I am very happy to have you as a friend. I can trust you with anything, personal or not. You are a great person. Don't ever change.

Tracy Sampson

Cori has a great sense of humour. She is sensitive to others' feelings. Beautiful on the inside and out. She is a supportive, a great listener and is friendly. She is always willing to help others, and is also a great dresser.

Brenda Goldie

You are out-going, very friendly, and very unique. I hope someday that I will be able to speak as well as you do. You are a very likable person!

Debbie Hudson

I Want to be Bold!

So, just driving one day and...

Sidney says: "I want to be Bold!"

"You do? Well that's nice"

"Yeah! I want to have all my hair cut and be BOLD!"

"Ohhhhh...you want to be BALD!"

"Mama, I want someone to cut all my hair and take it all off so nobody can't wash my hair anymore."

Joining the Minions

My name is Corinna, and I am a facebook addict. How do these things happen? What is it that drives us? Curiosity? The fascination with others' lives? Just the chance that you could find someone you would really like to find...

I must check that site at least 5 times a day at work. I am at my desk as we head into the busy season, so I am just there sitting at my desk and then I hear it...

The facebook...it calls to me. It says "check now, you never know, someone you want to hear from may be sending a note or an invite". Man, I don't have time for this! My children need baths and the bathrooms need to be cleaned. My children will be "the smelly kids" at school and my house will rot around me as I surf. Is there some sort of patch I am going to need for this?!

Glorious Creature Comforts

You know what I love? Having my back tickled. My sisters know this all too well. I also love, love, LOVE having someone play with my hair. Hello!!! What could be more relaxing? Lucky for me that Blake is good at this. I think I will keep him...

Little Life Lesson #1

It is interesting that you can see something during childhood which makes no sense at the time. There was a young girl in my apartment building named Billie-Rae (yep, that was her real name) who we used to hang with sometimes. We were standing in her doorway one time waiting for her when I noticed something very odd. There were knives hooked in the burner with the element turned on. I remember thinking "why are they burning their knives?"...

Years later I saw someone doing the same thing...I understand why people would burn knives now. It's like that big light just went on and all of a sudden I remembered that moment in time.

My Heart is Overflowing

Background...

pssst...Blake has a son. He just turned 9 years old. They haven't seen one another since his boy was 1 1/2. With respect to Blake and his privacy, I will not embellish except to say that because of many reasons of her own, and without explanation she left the province "without a trace". Blake has spent these years growing personally (as we all do) and becoming the responsible man that I met and became involved with. He thinks about his son every day--perhaps even more now as he gets to know my children. We have talked about the possibilities of finding them...how to do it and all of that.

Last Night...

After a conversation we had had previously, Blake decided to check out Facebook and see if he could find her name and picture. He called my cell as I was on my way home from work and says "I found her!". Oh My Goodness the emotion in his voice...so close to tears! So when I arrived he is still composing the e-mail. I read it and thought he said such appropriate things in a very non-confrontational mannor. He sent it without no expectation of response.

This Morning...

I was going through Tim Horton's drive-thru with the boys on the way in to work when the cellphone rings..."She responded", "He knows about me and they are moving here in June", "She was going to look for me" ...tears of joy are falling. It's in his voice, deep with emotion. OH HAPPY DAY!

Stay tuned for further developments...

Kidney Stones

I am feeling a lot of sympathy for Monica right now. The poor woman is due to have a baby at the end of May and she had a kidney stone attack yesterday! She called to let me know she was hospitalized because she was going to take the boys for the weekend. I am going to take the boys to see her tonight. They will like that. Their father is away until the middle of May, so they like to make sure she is ok while he is away.

Crazy Weekend

What a busy weekend! My friend Midge turned 27 last week and asked me to go out partying with her and some other friends. Blake and I really couldn't both afford to drink (with the cabride costing about $35 each way), so he sacrificed his fun and drove my drunk ass around for the night. We did have a lot of fun but it would be nicer if we were either both drinking, or both sober (as is usually the way). My co-worker Diana graciously offered to babysit my children for the night so it turned out pretty well.

Let me just say for the record that MY BOYFRIEND IS AWESOME!!! Not only did he watch out for me during drunken debauchery, but he also hung out with the boys all day Saturday while I drug my sorry ass to work and painted in the showroom for an 8 hour shift. Needless to say, I didn't have a whole pile of energy left when I arrived home. Seth was having a pre-arranged sleep-over at my place so I went to pick up his friend before heading to the couch for the evening. I woke up with a MONSTER migraine on Sunday. Coulda been the drinking, coulda been the painting, I am not sure but wow! It was painful and lasted all day and into the next. I have never before been physically sick from a migraine until Sunday night. I got the boys put to bed just in time to share some alone time with the toilet bowl. Blake was wonderfully helpful with everything I could have needed. He ran errands for me on Sunday and took the boys to their childcare facilities on Monday morning for me.

A very special THANK YOU to my love for being such a great partner and friend. I am lucky indeed.

Updates on Bad Habits

FYI

I have been on the nicoderm patch for almost 3 weeks now. It is going pretty well, although I did forget to put one on a couple of times. Have you ever seen the Nicoderm commercial with the flight attendant attempting to quit smoking?

That's exactly how I felt 3 days in and forgot that patch for work. Wow!

Shower Kareoke

I love to sing in the shower. It is so relaxing and pleasant. I have noticed that I am now able to sing out loud even if I know that Blake is sitting in my living room listening to me belt it out from the bathroom. I suspect he has better things to do than listen for my cracking voice, but hey! He may like the little serenades. Anyhow, this is one of my personal shower favorites. I got the little dance moves and all as I scrub up and wait for the conditioner to soak into my hair. Here it goes...

Give Me One Reason
by Tracy Chapman

Give Me one reason to stay here and I'll turn right back around
Give Me one reason to stay here and I'll turn right back around
Because I don't want leave you lonely But you gotta make me change my mind

Baby I got your number and I know that you got mine
But you know that I called you I called too many times
You can call me baby You can call me anytime But you got to call me

Give Me one reason to stay here and I'll turn right back around
Give Me one reason to stay here and I'll turn right back around
Because I don't want leave you lonely But you gotta make me change my mind

I don't want no one to squeeze me They might take away my life
I don't want no one to squeeze me They might take away my life
I just want someone to hold me (ohhh) and rock me through the night
This youthful heart can love you and give you what you need
This youthful heart can love you (ohhh) and give you what you need
But I'm too old to go chasing you around wasting my precious energy

Give Me one reason to stay here and I'll turn right back around
Give Me one reason to stay here and I'll turn right back around
Because I don't want leave you lonely But you gotta make me change my mind

Baby just give me one reason Give me just one reason why
Baby just give me one reason Give me just one reason why I should stay
Because I told you that I loved you and there ain't no more to say

Wrestling Ambitions

My son wants to be a professional wrestler when he grows up. He wants to make millions of dollars and buy a Hummer. He learns about the wrestlers that he likes. He knows what their real names are, how long they have been in the business, what their signature moves are, and probably what they ate for breakfast if he can find it online.

Last weekend he attended a birthday party of a buddy who shares his love. They weren't told in advance where the party was, she just took them to this place...well let me tell you when they walked into the building there was a wrestling ring. She had arranged for the boys to be allowed into a wrestling school here in the city. Eyes like saucers and bodies itching to get into that ring! They watched demonstrations of training exercises and were actually allowed to get in the ring and fool around a bit. They were in their glory for a couple of hours, and Jen got to be Queen Mom for the day. You know you have really done something sooooo cool when your 9 year old will hug you in a public place. When Seth got back to his father's and called me, he told me he had gotten his very first injury--a bloody lip!

What was interesting is that Jen said the instructor actually watched Seth rather intently. Apparently, during the training demonstration he listened aptly to the instructions given because when he got into the ring he used what he had learned rather than simply imitating moves from tv. You have to be at least 14 years of age to attend this school and you have to be a certain weight and height also. Seth will be 10 in October, and is convinced that this is his chosen path. I don't put too much stock in it now, however, if he still wants it that badly at age 14, I may actually entertain the notion. Am I crazy or what?

A Week In My Life

I really just began writing this blog as a means to keep family members up to date on my life. I have been reading my sister Eve's for a couple of years now, and learn so much from her blog and those of the bloggers she loves. I finally took some time to really explore some of these "blogs of note". I am learning not to second guess my posts--that is to write the ones I am thinking about instead of discarding them as passing thoughts.

My time gets eaten up so fast. I work 8-5 Monday to Friday. I get up at 6:00am to get myself and the boys ready for school and daycare. Obviously on the weeks the boys are with their father, I can sleep a little longer. I have been thinking I may start doing pilates in the morning instead of after supper...but I digress...After work I pick up the boys and come home to cook supper. Sometimes I come home from work at lunchtime and get a head-start on it. I can have veggies ready to cook and meat in the crockpot some days. I sort of try to plan the weekday meals with some good holsom ones and some easy ones. I try to stay away from junkie meals like take-out or kd and hotdogs (although it is a Saturday afternoon favorite every second week). By the time supper is done and dishes are cleared away, it is time for play and mama's clean up. Then on to baths, homework, bedtime snacks and a little quiet time then Sid goes to bed at 8:00, and Seth 8:30 (then he reads for at least 15 minutes). I have incorporated exercise in there for myself as well. Usually I do it right after supper when the boys are playing and having desert. If I am really lucky and the evening goes well, I can actually sit down and watch a show at 9:00. Usually I tape everything then I am sure not to miss anything.

Weekends are slower going for us. I don't make alot of plans in general. Seth often has a sleepover here with a friend and we will run errands or go to the playground now that the weather is nicer. The boys are reaching an age where I can get up, get them settled in with a show and some breakfast and head back to bed for a while. I don't sleep soundly, mind, but it is restful just to spend a little extra time relaxing. Before I turn twice I am back to Sunday night. It is now 8:15. I don't have the boys here tonight (just have to get me ready). I still have to shower, straighten my hair and iron some clothes for the morning. Oh! Lunch would be good too. Hmmm...there are a few choices. I will have to think about it some more.

I am grateful to have a good job that supports me and my children, but do I ever wish sometimes that I could spend every day with them. Not to have to work, you know? I miss so many little things. I must say though that I have faith in the childcare facilities I have chosen. They take good care of my boys and provide excellent learning environments for them. Life is what it is and all we can do is make the best of every moment. I am working on not wishing so much time away waiting for the next weekend.

Oh The Drama!

Sidney is a very dramatic little guy. He lets everyone know just exactly how he feels at any given time in the loudest, whiniest voice possible.

He was sitting in his "thinking chair" in the corner of the livingroom the other night. He sits there when he has misbehaved so that he can think about what got him in trouble, see? Anyhow, he's sitting there all squirmy and whatnot waiting for his unbearably long 5 minutes to be over, and he says:

"I think you guys (meaning Blake and I) don't love me anymore. I don't want to sit in the corner" then, "I think you just like yelling at me"

I try not to speak to him at all during the time out because he will just continue to cry and carry on if you pay attention, so I let it go. Then he says:

"I'm thirsty!" waits a few seconds, then "I'm so thirsty Blake." no response from anyone..."See, I told you! You don't love me, you wouldn't get me a drink!"

Sidney the Cutie

We made a little fort on the loveseat for Sidney last night. He tucked himself in there and started playing with a little toy...it was sooo adorable that I got out the camera!

Me

As I said before, I was having trouble posting pictures for a while. I figured it out, and wanted to show you this one. I just like it.

Because We Love Meachother

Sidney: "Do you love me Mama?"

Me: "Yes, I love you very much Sidney."

Sidney: "Do you love Seth too?"

Me: "Of course I do. I love you both so much."

Sidney: "That's because we all love meachother, Mama."

Happy 3rd Birthday Piper!

My apologies to my sister Eve--sorry for not calling for Pipa's birthday! I was so happy to look at the pics you posted for the occasion. The song "Yellow" was lovely as well. I have many photos saved of your first little miss pinky and her back-up singer/dancer sistas as well.

It is so hard to believe that Piper is already 3 years old! Such a little lady. I look forward to the day that she can hang out with her cousin Sidney. They will have so much fun. I hope your celebration was a fun one Piper! Much love from your auntie Cori in Nova Scotia. I look at the handprint outline you drew for me in June every day.

Bad Habits and Resolutions

I have a lot of bad habits. I love beer on the weekends, and occasionally on a weeknight--depending on what's going on. I love smoking, yeah, I said it! I realize it is a super nasty habit and yet I struggle.

I don't like making New Year's Resolutions. I prefer to review my past year, and set goals for the new one. This year my goal is to begin a regular exercise routine again. I did it several years ago and maintained it until I was about 5 1/2 months along with Sidney. I loved it! Here I am again--5 years later...I have been steady at it for the last 3 weeks. Feels really good. I try and do it as soon as I get home from work, or right after supper if the boys are here. Sidney wants to do it with me. I tell him he can, only to stay far enough that I don't kick him or something. It's working out very nicely. The greatest part is that it encourages me to cut down/quit smoking. I did this before and I can do it again. I am not setting a specific date, but I am gonna do it. This is the year.

Closet Bitch

I have been thinking about this post for some time now. I have always been the nice girl...the compliant one. I have grown and learned from my experiences that I have to assert myself at times. It is very important to my personal growth.

Adair gave me a book to read that she thought I would find interesting. It is called: "WHY MEN LOVE BITCHES From Doormat to Dreamgirl--A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship". I did, in fact, find in very interesting. Mostly because I was pleased to discover that I do hold my own in a lot of ways. I let my own conscience and instinct be my guide, however, there are times where I will put the needs and feelings of others before my own.

I have discovered (even before reading this book) that I have grown somewhat cynical in business, and more guarded with people than I used to be. I allow myself to form opinions and am beginning to accept that my feelings for others aren't always going to be nice. I can be a BITCH. There, I said it!

I get what I want. I say it like that because it is the truth. It may take time and sacrifice, but in the end, if there is something I really want, I get it. I feel stronger and more independant than ever. I am currently in a great relationship, but feel like it is all the better because I am certain that if something went horribly wrong I would bounce back and take care of business. I am learning more and more about myself as time goes by.

No Longer M.I.A.

To all concerned family members and friends: I AM FINE!

Frank wrote me an e-mail and said: "Just checking in, haven't heard from you or seen a blog entry in a while. You seem a little distant--everything ok?"

Kelly caught me on msn and said: "Hey, I haven't talked to you in a while--everything ok?"

Rebecca called and said: "I haven't talked to you all week!" "What's up?"

The funny thing is that I used to spend A LOT of time alone. I used to call my girls every day, or just about. I used to sit for a bit and chat online or do housework while on the phone, you know. My friend Brenda has been over for a couple of days visiting from out of town and I talked to her about it. She said: "Well Cori! You're just happy!"

I really had to give that some thought. I have certainly not been unavailable to my friends however, I have not been initiating contact as much. I have been doing some deep thinking, but not negative thinking. I realized--ready for this?--I actually do feel genuinely happy. I am always a happy sort of person, but I have found a new reason to rejoice. I seem to have found myself a real live partner. Someone who wants to be a part of my everyday life. Someone who actually adds luster and offers assistance. He likes to go where I go, and be where I am. We spend time apart, but more often than not we are together. My children love love love him too! Bare with me a little longer while I absorb all of this peace an harmony. I love you all, and I am always around if you want to talk. Don't be shy--call me!