A Pat on the Back

Over the years I have been "taken care of" to a certain degree. You know what it's like when you are married, things get done as a team effort. Fending for myself over the last 3 years has been challenging, although at the end of the day, I have always taken care of me. Certainly I would depend on the ex for financing things and for fixing things I cannot fix myself, but I also spent many months keeping control of the finances and things while he was away for work, so I had no misconceptions of how life was going to be for me.

I am now back into a relationship where we discuss and share the financial responsibilities--**Sidenote**Blake has begun the process of moving things into my home--but oddly, I feel an extreme need to maintain my own bank account and my own VISA. I don't mind sharing money at all, I mean, that's just how it goes, but I have learned some things in my 35 years. Gotta look out for #1 here at all times, and at all costs. I have a car that I am selling to Blake. I could have sold it to someone else, but he really needs a car and is willing to fix the things that need fixing. The problem is that he has only been back to work since having shoulder surgery for 2 months and is waiting to get financing. It's really just a waiting game, but in the the interim, I have reached the end of my financial ropes and was sort of depending on that money to get straight again. I got all worked up and stressed for a time, but decided to put an end to it on Friday.

I went to the bank and got my own loan. I have fixed my problem all by myself. I realize to others this may not seem big, but to me it means a whole lot. I love Blake with all my heart, but it makes me feel good to know that if for some bizarre reason he wasn't there tomorrow, I will be ok and I can take care of business on my own. I feel like a 2 year old learning to get dressed all alone. It feels nice. I am proud of me for having done this.