Guitar Princess

I haven't returned the borrowed playstation2. I have been playing it instead. I am at a slight disadvantage as there is no memory card so once I turn it off, my Princess career is over. I got down to the 4th section of songs tonight. I had to do 2 encores and a battle to get there. I f**king rock! Guitar Hero told me so. I might play a little tomorrow night so I got it back to the main screen, switched over to the cable box and left the power on the game. Is that bad for it? I don't want to ruin it but I sure do want to continue with my song choices. It took me some sweating and sore fingers so I am just not ready to stop yet. Obsessed much?

Keep in mind this is the one and only video game I play or have any interest in playing. I love playing when I'm alone because I get distracted when someone talks to me. See? I'm keeping myself busy.

My kids are the bomb! Little geniuses I tell ya!

I had my boys for the weekend and boy, did we have fun! As you know, their father had some issues with my temporary living accommodations and decided to keep them the majority of the time until I move into my new place at the beginning of January. Being the older son, Seth has a pretty good understanding of the situation but Sidney has a different view. We were walking back from the local Tim Horton's yesterday when he pipes up:

sid~"Mama, why do we have to wait such a long, long, long time to see you and we see Daddy more?"

me~"Well, Daddy just thought it might be better until I get all our stuff into the new place. It's not much longer now Bubba then everything will go back to normal."

sid~"Well, I want it back to normal now."

me~"Me too Sidney."

Then at bedtime he says:

sid~"Mama, are you picking us up tomorrow?"

me~"No, Daddy is picking you up."

sid~"Awwww...I want to come back here with you. Mama, I don't think you should have made that deal."

Out of the mouths of babes, wha?

We had a snow storm on Friday night. Since I had heard all the weather warnings, I collected the boys and we went to rent movies, I bought a shovel and a scraper, and whatever snacks we needed to spend the weekend at home. A friend of mine was even kind enough to let us borrow a playstation2 so we could play guitar hero!

Seth and I spent some quality time cuddling up watching tv once Sidney had gone to bed. He seems to be doing well and patiently waiting to get all his packed stuff back in his possession. He is a quiet thinker that boy, so he probably only says a portion of what's really on his mind. I am glad to see that he is doing well though. Grades are staying completely level...not to brag, but they are both near or at the top of their classes! It was such a great weekend and I am very grateful that we had such a nice time...snow storm and all. It's only another 5 weeks. What's that in a lifetime really?

My back is sore today from all the shoveling! Come on, rain! Wash this all away before the snow comes again.

Are you prepared for winter?

It snowed last night. This was the first "real" snowfall of 2008. It did snow on Tuesday as well, but it melted as soon as it hit the ground. Yesterday started off the same way. Really big, wet flakes of snow were falling like mad all afternoon making the ground and roads very wet. I came home, took a hot shower and settled in for the night with the curtains closed. It wasn't until a couple hours later when I was talking to the boys that I looked out and realized that the snow as actually staying on the ground! Oh crap, do I hate the snow. It looks pretty, sure but you still have to shovel it and drive in it. It occurred to me then that my ice scraper is in a box in my storage unit. Not performances my friends, not performance.

This morning I awoke to a mini winter wonderland and my first thought was..."How the hell am I going to get all the snow off my car?"

I went out to investigate the situation. I unlocked the car door and pried it open so I could start it. Then I went to work with my gas card. Hmmm...this isn't going to work. There's ice under that snow. What can I use? So, I remove my house key from my key chain and head back into the warmth to collect my thoughts.

Here's a mental picture for you...have you ever seen someone scrape their windshield with a spatula? Well, if you had been driving by my place this morning that's exactly what you would have seen. I sort of hid it a little from passing pedestrians as I must admit I felt a little silly. It did get the job done though. I think I will head to Wal-Mart on the way home after work and get myself a real scraper with the brush on the other end. I believe I am going to need it.

Adjusting to the newness of it all

I have been wanting to write, yet not feeling like actually doing it. I have been a negligent blogger and reader lately. I try to take a peek at a few, but just haven't really been into it much. Everything has changed. Things feel so different and new. I am beginning to feel happier inside. I haven't cried in several days. This feels good. I find that I have withdrawn somewhat though. I often choose to spend time alone instead of going out and I don't even feel bad about it. I am just adjusting.

The boys are, in fact spending more time at their father's. Once I had that accident and everything I just didn't have any more fight. Please understand I did not give up my boys or anything foolish like that. They are coming for some weekends and for Christmas of course. It's so unnatural seeming to not have anyone here to care for. Just me. I will have you know I have been eating more and feeling stronger too. I am healing. Still sad sometimes, but better for sure. I have already secured our permanent residence for January 1st. Everything is coming together and I am feeling positive I assure you.

Suddenly I have all this time yet nothing to do with it all. Sometimes I don't even want to do anything. Not even this. I just think. I try to get used to the silence. This is such a temporary thing and it will be over before I can turn, so I can totally deal, but I am still overcome by the feeling of newness.

I happen to be living close to my friend/co-worker and we are going to walk together. It's getting pretty cold outside, but it's still nice. I do have snowpants if it gets that cold. Weather can change on a dime here in Nova Scotia. Just gotta stay warm is all.

A Princess Funny from back in the day

As you know I have been quite taken with the facebook since spring of 2007. I have re-connected with many old and dear friends and more than a few acquaintances as well. Anyhow, one such friend sent me a message shortly after we became "facebook friends" saying that he remembered passing notes with me in junior high. Why do I not remember this? Probably because I was passing notes with many friends...both boys and girls. Back to the story...

He sent me a message last evening when I logged in saying that he had been to his parent's place and dug out the notes. He said he had lots from many people. Must have been some interesting reading I think. Our conversation went like this:

old friend: "I found one from you on the day you tripped me."

me: "I tripped you? That wasn't very nice."

old friend: "Yeah, you apologised in the note."

me: "What did I say?"

old friend: "You said *sorry I tripped you at lunch today, but I couldn't resist*"

me: *cackling at my computer for a minute* then I typed "man, what a bitch I was, but that's really funny."

old friend: "totally."

Healing with Twinkle

My friend's place is very nice. She has each room painted in a different earth tone. She has a lot of candle holders and sconces and some white lights above the china cabinet for soft evening light. She also has them all around the fence of the backyard. There's this funky little hanging lamp in the bedroom that has little stars and moons cut out and that's where the light shines though. Perhaps I need to take a picture of it to show you. Soothing and soft. Ahhhhh

The boys are coming home tomorrow and my cousin and her son are visiting as well. I am really looking forward to a weekend with my family. This is a healing place my friends. And that's just what I am beginning to do. Re-read this post if you have another moment. The process has begun.

A post from the Sassy Suzel

So my friend, Princess in the House, asked if I wanted to write a post for her blog. I was sent these cute “children’s funnies” today, so I thought I’d share.

1. NUDITY A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement an d then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'

2. OPINION On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'

3. RELIGION A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.'What have you got there, dear?'With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'

4) POLICE It was the end of the day when a police officer parked his van in front of the station. Gathering his equipment, his K-9 partner, Jake, was barking. A little boy walked up and asked the officer “Is that a dog you got back there?““Yes it is” the officer replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at officer and then back in the van and finally asked, “What'd he do?”

I mean Really, who throws a shoe anyway?

You know the expression “waiting for the other shoe to drop”? Well, they seem to be just falling from the sky. I have to break this up into manageable pieces as I do have a tendency to jump around. My thoughts flit…you know this.

Yesterday:

I have been taking an early lunch breaks because it’s generally busier in the afternoon and everyone is trying to get out for a break. It just makes it easier and I don’t really mind. I was coming back from lunch and at a busy intersection just about a minute from work as I turned into the right turning lane and yielded to oncoming traffic. I was waiting the green car pass when this BIG ASS yellow company truck (not my company of course) did not yield, therefore rear-ending me with a HUGE FREAKIN BANG! My car lurched forward, luckily not into traffic. I was able to get it to the shoulder of the road and turn it off. Then the hyperventilation set in.

*first thought*~~shit! Now I have to miss more time at work, just what I need…followed by a mental string of vile curses. It was pouring rain and I called work immediately to ask someone to come help me deal (since I am on the verge of hysteria and need reason), then I kinda rub my neck and get out to look at the back of the car. I spend a very short time examining the back (not realizing the damage on the right side at that point). Driver gets in to write down his info and ask if I’m ok. I tell him that it wouldn’t be so bad if I hadn’t already been having a few nasty days before.

I spent the entire afternoon at emergency. Unfortunately, I met no cute ambulance drivers, police, nurses or doctors. Apparently the fireman was good looking but I couldn’t turn my head to look. Anyhow, I had my first ambulance ride and cursed the entire ride there. So…I have whiplash. NICE. You do realize that I’m moving this week right? Packing’s gonna be a bitch.

Thursday:

Shortly after 4:30pm that day I received a call at work from one of the leaders at the morning/after school program. For the second week in a row he had been short, rude and disrespectful to her, therefore he would be suspended from the club for a day. He is normally quite well behaved so there’s something up. I called to tell his father and he got angry first, then told me Seth has been asking to see a therapist. I do not object to this, it’s just a lot to absorb all at once. I finished work and went to collect the boys. I told Seth to go to his room and read and that we would talk about it later. We talked. I am sad for him. I don’t know what’s wrong and we aren’t who he wants to talk to. This is going to be good for him I think. Just a scary new phase.

So, after the boys settled in for bed their father called back.

Baby daddy~~”I am worried about their behavior lately and think that they should stay with me for the next 2 months while you are in transition. That would be best, don’t you think? All settled in the new apartment?” sigh “Princess, it makes me sick to my stomach to have to call. I know you have been dealing with a lot of things right now and maybe this will be better for them.”

Mental me~~”NOOOOOOOOOOOO! I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT THEM. PLEASE DON’T TAKE THEM FROM ME. I NEED THEM. I BETTER GET SOMETHING IN WRITING!

Aloud~~”I’m not sure I can handle that. I’m not sure they can. We need to talk to them.” *of course there was quite a bit of tears on my end as well.*

Ok my friends…so I understand all the practical reasons, the transition period and all of that. My rational mind tells me that even if this happens it’s not the end of the world. I can still see them on weekends and go to their activities. I still have them for Christmas Eve. I can see the upside. I can exercise every day and get into a balanced routine so that when they come back I am more healed and more healthy. *incidentally I am shrinking a little…trying to keep it under control* But, then there’s this whole other part of me that is just losing it. These are my children. How can I not see them when I am supposed to see them? How much will they miss me? I have been crying for days.

Saturday:

The ex boyfriend dropped his son off for a sleepover. He spoke with each of my boys (which was very nice) and we had a sweet, civilized, positive conversation ourselves. I never ever like for things to end on bad terms and with angry feelings, so it was comforting (even though I still know I need time all alone to heal). You have to know how much confusion was running through my brain. I wanted to hold him close, you know? It was nice, but it’s still over.

Today:

Whiplash is a bitch. Insurance companies can be difficult, but I happen to have a great broker. She hooked me up with a nice agent at my insurance company who has already begun handling all the details. I worked half the day then came home to rest as my neck is really sore as well as my right shoulder and forearm. No bruising, no deployment of the airbag. Lucky me.

Baby daddy called back and wants to sit the boys down sometime this week to tell them they are staying with him for a while. The man has spoken. Shit! I could go to my lawyer and fix this…but I am not going to. I just want a document that we can both sign with witnesses that I will have my boys back with me as soon as this transition is done and lots of visits in the interim.

I am overwhelmed. Any words you can give me to make me feel better? Aside from saying good thing I was in a car and not walking? Cause that would suck. Scroll down to the last couple of posts…had some guests in the princess house.

whew...that was really long.

I got to rest now.

kisses
the princess

Mariposa's Haiku

Back to My Future

it's over now, it was fun while it lasted,

that i've come to accept

why it happened, how it happened and what happened

dont hold meaning now

it's time to move on

i've got my sanity back

and i'm keeping it

Mariposa inspires me with her posts every week and I am so glad she decided to write something that ties in so well to me right now.

My Addiction

Princess here. Just letting you know that this post has been brought to you by the classically witty and often sarcastic Sid...all the way from South Africa. Enjoy!

Hi, my name is Sid and I’m an addict. They say that admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery.

Well, I’ve been clean for two months now. I’ve told everyone that I no longer constantly crave the high I once experienced when I’d had my first taste, just over two years ago. I had convinced myself that I had finally found inner peace and that I could do this by myself. I was determined to beat this. I couldn’t erase the image of comforting my future son or the image of me wrapped up securely in the arms of my future husband, from constantly entering my mind. And I knew that the only way that I could ever attain any of this, the life I have always desired and yearned for, was if I gave up this habit of degradation. So I quit cold turkey and everything was going along just fine until yesterday.

All it took was one little whiff of the good stuff and before I knew it I had fallen off the wagon. Here I am at work at 8 in the morning and all I could think of is when I can get my next fix. My need is so bad that I neglected to do any actual work. Instead I spent all of my time thinking of ways to raise enough cash to score. Various schemes entered my head, each one as ludicrous as the next. My bursary would only be coming in next year and I couldn’t wait that long. I need cash now! No the only option left to me was to sell my kidneys. I hear you can make R10 000, which is all I really needed for a plane ticket to Pakistan. Yes my friends I am addicted to travelling.

Now I bet all of you are probably wondering what a charismatic, beautiful, intelligent, eloquent, hilarious, humble girl like me could possibly want to see or do in Pakistan. And I wish I was capable of giving you an answer that gave the impression that I had spend hours reading up on the history and culture of Pakistan. But the truth is that I am a dipshit who took one look at the following picture before deciding that I JUST HAVE TO GO to Pakistan even if it meant selling my body – and inevitably my soul – to raise the cash for the trip.

Now I know that many people would say that I am brave (code word for crazy) to attempt crossing a rickety bridge like that. The thing is that I don’t classify myself as brave (mentally unstable). Everything scares me. Everything! And I know that if I ever make it to that bridge I’d be cursing like nobody’s mother fucking business but I’d force myself to go through with it. I can see myself now, standing there, trying my utmost to control my breathing, wanting nothing more than to turn around. But I’ll do it because every time I do something that scares the shit out of me (not literally) I gain something. There’s this amazing feeling of triumph because you haven’t allowed fear to control the way you live life.

The thing is that I know me. I am the most fickle person you will ever meet. If I don’t follow through with this in the next couple of months I’ll never go. Remember Ecuador? Two years ago I proclaimed that Ecuador was my “destiny”. (Yes, I use words like destiny and fate. Yes, I occasionally read my horoscopes and watch Oprah aka Our Saviour. What? Don’t judge!) Now if you were to ask me about Ecuador my reply will be a very articulate “bleh”. I am simply incapable of sustaining enthusiasm for anything for longer than four months. That’s just who I am and I make no apologies for this.

Alone but not lonely

Through the course of my longest relationship (with the boys' father) I was no stranger to being alone. He went away sometimes for months at a time. I was accustomed to alone time. Of course, I did have my child/children to keep me occupied and focused and also the financial security and knowledge of the return of said partner, which made it all right.

I have always floated from one relationship to another. I love to be loved and need to love others. I am very nervous of strangers and usually make a choice to date someone I have known and become friends with. I can't explain it, I'm just telling you how it is. My problem is *well, perhaps there is more than just 1, but only this one for today* that I seem to lose myself in relationships. It is my nature to please others. I begin to neglect my own thoughts and feelings in some ways and don't always notice until it's too late.

Now I am alone. Yes, I have my children and they are a great comfort because I will always get to love them and they will always return it. We are a family...but wait! I have to share them with their father. I only get them half the time. It took me years to adjust and look at the positive of that situation (although I would never have done it any differently). I always looked at it like I am missing half of their lives. I was able to deal with it because there was always a man in my life to help me adjust. Someone for me to love and care for but now I truly am alone.

I am always looking at the time. *watch out! the princess is on a verbal roll now!* I have always been very time conscious...always. Mostly because I always have someone to take care of, someone to get home to. Does that make sense? I was out with Becca today and for the first time in a very long time, I had absolutely no schedule...and I was actually willing to put on some make-up, do my hair and socialize for a change. I have been spending an awful lot of time at home by myself when the boys are gone. I have been doing a great deal of thinking. Sometimes I come home and don't even turn on the tv or music all evening. Sometimes I just play solitaire and turn things over in my mind. Sometimes I pace and tidy up the house as I walk around. I have just recently gotten back into watching some of my shows. Just a few weeks ago I didn't have enough focus on any show to repeat back what was just said. What I crave though, is human contact. I love phone calls. My girls call and check up on me, or more often I call them when I feel like gabbing. It's ok to just talk on the phone because I don't always actually want to have someone here with me. I feel very sad and I still sometimes cry, but it's not bad...just really different. I check my blog/fb/e-mail all the time. I don't know what I'm waiting for though, it's just a bizarre little habit I have started. I suspect I will obsess about it less and less as time passes. I think at first I would check in hopes of hearing from "the ex"...but I don't look for that anymore. It's not that I don't miss him because I do, but I have a responsibility myself and to my boys and things to do with my friends. I have a job and a life to lead and that's just what I plan to do.

I have been giving a lot of thought to blogging and what I love about it. I love the interaction with all of you. I love that I will sometimes get a call or e-mail from a friend who read something and wanted to comment on it too. It makes me feel good when I get feedback because I love attention...I AM a princess don't ya know! haha...Actually, I also love the feedback because perspective is good. Experience is good. People are interesting and it's cool to connect about feelings with others. I have come in contact with some amazing people during my life and also here on my blog travels. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I have asked a few fine ladies to do guest posts for me. I received a great one from Sid which I plan to post on Monday. I might even wait until Tuesday because it would be a shame if you all missed it! Stay tuned.

kisses,

the princess

Happy Birthday Seth!

My son is 11 today. I can't believe it's been that long. Makes me feel just a little older today for some reason. That's all right though, I can handle it. I am so very impressed with Seth right now. Through the current situation here at home he has been wonderful. He is sensitive to the fact that I am sad, and he watches me closely to make sure I am ok. If he hears me sniffle, he asks how I am and offers me a hug. I always assure him that I will probably be sad for a while but that I will get used to it and everything will be just fine. He has been a great support to me.

This past Saturday night I invited Seth's 2 best school buddies to sleep over and celebrate his birthday. One of the boys has slept over many times and his younger brother come too so that Sidney wouldn't feel left out. It worked out quite well except that buddy #1 hadn't ever had a sleepover before and was a little nervous. He also has reflux and ate something before coming over that didn't agree with him. He called his poor mother at midnight to pick him up. Awww...maybe another time then. Next! Buddy #2 has asthma. He coughed a lot but managed to get some sleep. We acquired a cat since last time he stayed and it wasn't very good. He had taken a different bag to carry his things and didn't have his puffer. I called his mom, picked her up at her mom's to take her home to get his medicine. That was shortly after 9 on Sunday morning. Despite the craziness, all 5 boys had a great time playing and enjoying time together. It was funny to listen to their little conversations. A good time was had by all...minus the illnesses of course.

What the H-E-double hockey sticks should I do with all these boxes?

Holy crap there's a lot of stuff to pack in this house. It's my first packing day since it's a long weekend (Happy Thanksgiving by the way...let's hear it for Canada!) and I am alone for my day off. I set some boxes upright and taped them strong. I have removed things from drawers (starting in the living room) and all I have to do is get at it.

Here's the problem...I don't want to! Packing sucks. I always have trouble getting started. There is a loose prong on the back of my tv so my plan to watch last week's CSI Miami and Prison Break as I pack is kaput. I've got no picture. I can listen to music but it just isn't the same. Boy do I hate a thwarted plan.

Note to self : *consider getting a new tv this spring*.

K, so I just got a call from Midge and she gave me a pep talk. I can't believe it's already so late in the day! Gawd, I am still obsessing in my head about the tv as I write this post! I have to end this and get started. I made a pot of coffee and took every book off the bookshelf on my way back to the computer. I have to separate things as some will go with us to my friends place, while the rest will go into storage. I have to pack all my everyday needs last obviously. I can live without the nic-nacs and pictures for the next while. Here I go...wish me luck. :)

Landing on my feet with cat like stealth

When difficult situations arise, Mama Bear jumps out. On occasion it's more like a Mama Lion. I have trouble with change.

Change is good right?

Nope. I still don't like it. In this case though, I had to make some choices purely based on the well being and security of my children. I have the car now and my expenses have increased since I moved here while household income has drastically decreased just recently. It's all good...mama worked it out. The problem is not really change itself, it's the process of getting from point A to B. I get myself all worked up but...something was different this time. I actually had a lot of clarity. I worked out the details as best I could and researched my options with focus and determination.

I feel very blessed to have good people in my life. I received an email last week from a friend of mine. It was only a couple of sentences but I couldn't help but cry. She said "why don't you just put your stuff in storage for a bit and stay at my place? I can stay at my guy's place and you can bring the boys' bunk beds and a couple of dressers. That way you'll have your finances worked out and able to get your new place." I already worked out all the details of the new place. The issue is the loss of the damage deposit here (I have to break my lease-damned if I do, damned if I don't kind of thing) and coming up with another deposit (1/2 a month's rent).

How kind and generous. Really and truly I am grateful. Much like pinkpiddypaws (I would link it if I wasn't being lazy) I have trouble accepting help from others but am happy to give it. I had to think about this one for a couple of days but I feel good about my choice to accept her help.

Today is a good day. I spoke with my brother the genius on the phone for the first time in over a year. I always feel such joy when I talk to him. I also saw my guardian mom (who I haven't seen in a couple of years) on Sunday. We went to get the boys from their father's place and enjoyed a lovely afternoon together. Tomorrow is a new day. Each one gets a little more normal. I have to move at the end of the month so I won't post much. Perhaps I need to call on some sweet guest bloggers? Hmmm?

it's bedtime...

kisses

the princess

Time Heals

Here's a good song for Saturday...

Better in Time

This is just a very lovely song. For me it has only been a short time but I know it really will be better as the months pass. I think the lyrics of this song are positive and helpful.

Rash Decisions

I walked into Di's office the other day and quite boldly announced..."I was thinking I might chop my hair." *indicating and inverted bob with my hands*

Di: "NO! Don't cut your hair. I will never talk to you again. Wait until you're sane!"

I shriveled a little and said..."Ok, I'll wait."

Thank godness for good friends to keep me in line.

I've been meaning to do this post for a while now

Here are a few shots from Becca's wedding at the beginning of August. Keep in mind that I was in the wedding party so I really don't have too many pictures of the actual event.

Me and Becca's fabulously gay cousin PJ. We became friends as soon as we met and before I knew it he had offered to give me my curly doo for the wedding. He got really drunk the night before and I was thrilled that he still hauled ass over to do it.

Thanks again PJ. I got my eyebrows done the day before the wedding. They are a little narrow for my taste, but it's all good.

I just wanted to show you my pretty shoes, purple toenails, and the big bruise I aquired while decorating the reception hall. I simply cannot wear something pretty without having a bruise.

Keep in mind that PJ was snapping these pics behind the professional photographer, so the angles are off.

The beauty queen herself. What a beautiful bride she was.

According to the local ladies, this was the best "Garter Dance" ever. They had never seen someone dance to the entire song before! I happen to think that it's awesome that the groom actually has to WORK for that garter belt...and why shouldn't he? She's worth it. The dance was really quite impressive--complete with a backspin and everything. Becca chose "Billy Jean". Excellent choice my friend.

On the Upside...

My skinny jeans fit!!!

'nuf said

Breaking Up: from heartache to happiness in 48 pages

One of my girls gave me the sweetest little book to read.

It's not quite as cute without the little cartoon gal but I think you'll enjoy it.

First Page says only "The End"

Being alone is one thing.

Being left alone is another.

As soon as you're told you are no longer wanted or loved...

your self-image takes a turn for the worse,

and you begin to hurt.

You feel inept, inadequate...

and positively good-for-nothing.

However--with some effort--you can make yourself smile.

To show there are no hard feelings, help him pack his belongings.

Begin with his laundry. You want to be sure he as clean undies. (Don't forget to starch them well.)

As you pack his socks, keep one from each pair. (Purely for sentimental reasons, of course.)

Make sure he has his favorite pajamas...*feeties*

and anything else he can't do without.*she's throwing his junk in a pile*

Give him half of everything. *cutting shirts in half*

Then say good-bye...

And don't look back.

Even though there are some things you can't do alone...

*see-saws, dancing, boating/water skiing, tennis*

Count your blessings!

Notice how the seat isn't left up anymore...

and how there's never any question about who ate the last chocolate chip cookie.

Enjoy your newly acquired wardrobe space...

and while you're at it, get rid of those silly things he expected you to wear.

Do your weekly grocery shopping. Notice that your bill--like your appetite--is next to nothing

...and delight in the fact that two can't live as cheaply as one.

When whatsisname comes by to say he's sorry, agree with him--and tell him no, you haven't seen his mother's picture, his magazine collection, or his favorite cashmere sweater.

Call all his friends you could never stand but had to tolerate, and tell them what you think of them!

Exercise your independence! *classic burning ceremony*

Weigh yourself. You're getting closer to zero every day. Smile.

Upon retiring, wear the ugliest, most unsexy, sloppy, wonderfully cozy, snug flannel nightgown you own...

Go to bed with dirty teeth.

If sleeping alone isn't your idea of a good time...

one way or another, you'll adjust. *stuffed toys*

Time doesn't fly when you're not having fun.

But that's what time is for...

to make things heal, make things better.

Soon, you'll see that for every problem...

there is a solution.

And by and by, that old feeling called "loneliness"...

begins to feel like something called "freedom."

Last page says only "The Beginning"

Shedding the "blue jogging pants" and getting on with it

During my senior year in high school a close friend of mine (who shall remain nameless) was devastated by a breakup. I believe they were together an entire 3? 3 1/2 months...anyhow, she was so sad. She used to stay over sometimes and come to school with me in the mornings. She wore the same pair of dark blue jogging pants every day for a month. My sister and I used to wonder aloud why she wouldn't just change her pants already. She just didn't care. She just wanted her comfort. I caught myself slipping into my favorite black gym pants for the 6th day running and decided maybe it was time to change it up a little. Now, I was only putting them on when I got home after work. I did make an effort to choose a different outfit for the 5 day work week. I couldn't be bothered to do my hair though. Ponytails are easier in the summer with the in between curly/straight hair.

Monday the boys came back home. I spent last weekend home alone for the most part. Midge and I (the break-up buddies) hung out a little, but mostly I was here. I haven't been watching much tv. I just don't feel like focusing on it. I did, however, watch American History X on Saturday night and decided to straighten my hair at the same time. I left it that way and had it down for work on Monday morning. I got a great deal of compliments that day.

Funny! I just had another high school memory. The above mentioned nameless friend and I had a theory on high school dances and looking hot. If we just wore nothing special during the week of the upcoming dance, no make-up, nothing fancy but picked something Really great to wear the night of the dance, we were sure to look all the more appealing. What do you think? Did that kind of thought work for any of you in high school? Any little techniques to share?

So, this afternoon at work I had a good laugh. I'm not sure if I should have been laughing about it but it felt good so whatever...

My boss said that I have lost weight, to which I replied "well, I'm eating." and went back to working. He came in later and said he hoped he hadn't offended me. I said "oh no, I just don't really have anything to say about it I guess, but thanks."

I told Di and another girl out back about it as I was getting something in the warehouse for a customer and Di yelled out, "Princess, you sure did lose weight. You lost 150 pounds of boyfriend." I'm not sure why, but I laughed so hard I could have actually peed a little. I didn't say I did by the way, just that I could have.