Cracking Up

I know I need to eat. My belly is growling for food, but when I chew it tastes like cardboard. Dry and nasty. I can't eat.

I know I need to work to earn money, but how do I greet people in person or on the phone when I can't control my emotions enough not to cry? I am home today where I will cry in peace.

Do we work it out, or pack it in...this is the question. I don't mean to be evasive, but who wants to sort dirty laundry to the world? I just needed to say something. Write down my sad, confused thoughts. If we pack it in, how do we tell those beautiful children? If we stay together, can we ever truly work through it and be stronger? I have hope, but I am also a realist. I'll come back when I am feeling better. Hopefully from a happier place.

A Whole Hand

My Sidney is 5 years old today. You guessed it! That means that the NS School Board better watch out, cause here comes a tornado! He He...I suppose he isn't all that bad, but he IS quite a handful. He has more energy than 10 children and he is sharp as a whip.

As upsetting as it is for me (as a mama) to accept, there will be no more nap time cuddles and super silly pre-school games. He is growing up so fast. I can't believe he's starting school in a little over 2 weeks. I mentioned at work the time that he was born. Someone said "wow, you even remember the exact time?" You bet your ass I do!

Sidney's birth was a planned c-section. The first attempt (with Seth, of course) ended up being a 2 day affair, followed inevitably with a c-section. That's right folks, 2 days solid labour pains. I didn't even want to consider doing it again, so because of my bone structure and inability to pass a child through the birth canal, we planned out a date for me to have my second baby. I didn't know whether it was a boy or a girl but definitely settled on the name.

I was prepped for surgery only the freezing didn't take on the first try. They gave me another shot in the spine and I could still feel hands applying iodine on my lower belly. I remember feeling really panicked and calling out "I CAN FEEL THAT!" They assured me that everything was all right and to tell the doctor where you can feel. Ummm...everywhere HELLO! So third time's a charm right? They decided to give me an epidural instead so that they could dose me with more medicine if necessary. It finally worked. Once that was done it was only about 15 minutes before my little Bubba arrived to see the world for the first time. He was born at 9:14am on ( I am pretty sure) a Tuesday.

You can't possibly imagine how long it took for me to get feeling back in my lower body after all that freezing. Good thing I was there to stay for a few days. It was a much more pleasant experience to for-go the labour. Yep! Much nicer for the princess.

Beautiful Newfoundland

just driving on the highway...hills everywhere you look!

isnt' that something?

Wow! "The Rock" really describes it well

another example of why they call it "The Rock"

snapping random pictures from the moving car

the view from behind Becca's childhood home

When In Rome...

I needed a vacation from my vacation. I was so sleepy last week that I couldn't even muster the energy (after work, kids and what have you) to blog. I wanted to but just didn't feel like typing. It's just the boyfriend and I now for the next 2 weeks so I'll post more soon.

I have to tell you that all my life people have always made the same comments to me about visiting Newfoundland. Newfies are the friendliest people in the world, and that they love their booze. Now, I'm quite sure not EVERY person in the province is a drinker but just to be hospitable they offer company either a tea or an alcoholic beverage.

My father is from Newfoundland so I am somewhat familiar with the party style. Most common is the kitchen party. We do that here in Nova Scotia as well. It's closest to the fridge. Now, in the summer you switch to a cooler out on the patio.

My dad, his wife and I spent our evenings drinking beer outside for 3 nights running. Becca and her new husband (had to say it cause it just sounds so sweet) picked me up at my dad's and I went to her home town to prepare for the wedding (as I said in a previous post). I actually spent some (and by some I mean all) late evenings out on the front porch getting to know Becca's man better (after doing all the wedding prep and visiting with Beck, of course). He and I have never been really close friends or anything, so it was nice to see a different side of him. All the love he has for my friend was so much more apparent during that week. He has married into a truly beautiful family. I will post some pictures tomorrow.

To sum it up, I drank 7 nights in a row. No freakin wonder I didn't want to type last week! I have to remind myself sometimes that I really am not 27 anymore.

Incidentally, I have been reading many posts. I have been keeping up but tight-lipped on the comments.

kisses

the princess

Mixed blessings and other things

So not only is my girl getting married in 2 days (with all the stress that entails), but she has had many other things happening as well. Last September she started fainting. At first we all assumed it was stress related as her father had been diagnosed with ALS and was very ill. As I wrote here, he succumbed to his illness last November. She continues to have these mysterious fainting spells and we have all been growing increasingly concerned for her health. She has had a couple of head scans because she had childhood epilepsy and thought it might be back. She has also been having some tests on her heart because the head scan showed no abnormalities. She had to wear what they call a "halter" with a number of monitors and wires hooked to her chest for a 24 hour period last Thursday at 1:30pm until Friday same time. Though it sounds bizarre to say this, THANK GOD she fainted while the halter was on. Otherwise we would still be in the dark. Much to every one's great surprise, my sweet friend received a call from her doctor on Monday here in Newfoundland. The results? Her heart stopped on Friday morning for 16 seconds when she fainted. She has to get a Pace Maker. Were she not here for the wedding, it would be done this week. Wow. Wow. Wow. My job right now is to help her stay as calm as possible. Please wish me luck and say a prayer.

Changes

"You've changed, Princess" says my stepmother. "When I hear you speak the way you do now, so clear like that, it's like you have decided *No one is going to walk all over me anymore!*...GOOD FOR YOU!"

Turbo-Tanned and Ready for my Cruise

The Princess is going on Vacation! I will be sailing the choppy waters of the Atlantic Ocean to visit my father and stepmother in Newfoundland tomorrow night. It's a trip that will take many hours of driving, then a ferry ride for about 6 hours, then another long drive. It'll be worth it for my parents to see their grandchildren after a long 3 1/2 years not seeing them. Unfortunately, the boyfriend couldn't get the time off for the week but is driving us to the ferry. I went for my final tan at my salon tonight and now my face is even tanned!


It's actually Tuesday, July 29 today. I never got a chance to get past the first sentence of this post with everything that was going on. I am here in NFLD now and am traveling from my parent's home to Rebecca's hometown to prepare for the wedding on Saturday. Luckily I got to be here for my stepmother's birthday (today) and spend some time with her. My main purpose for the trip however, is the wedding, so I will have to update you further later in the week. It's insane busy. I have lots of talking to do! Kisses! Talk to you soon.

I'm Begging You

For Mercy! God I love that song. It's a really great style I think. I am also in love the song Rehab. I love this bluesy stuff...for real. Nice.

Why is it squishing everything together? I am trying to space it out but no go.

The Gallery...For you miss Cinnkitty

oops! there's me getting things ready

voila! a gallery of balloon penises

The Wild Women Conquered

Since Becca lives next door, the boys hung out over there and played video games until we were ready to go to the club.

Conversation the day after the party...

the boyfriend: Man were you guys ever loud! Every so often we would hear someone go "ahhhhhhhhh" and lots of laughter (yelling in a girlie voice, of course).

me: *snort giggle* We were having so much fun. Becca was having sourpuss shots with each person individually instead of all together, then doing some Newfie step dancing in the livingroom...plus all the games...you know.

the boyfriend: women are sooo much dirtier that men.

me: yeah, of course we are!

The party was great and the company was even better. Cheers to good friends and kick-ass parties. I think I see more frequent girlie get togethers in the future.

So, if you haven't read the post beneath all of these pictures, you really should since I am a serious comment hound and I want you to read it!

the bride and her "bride girls"...that's bridesmaids for the mainlanders

me and my sweet friend

some lovely ladies...ahem...while still behaving as such

and the winner with 40 jube-jubes!

dirty, dirty girls!

the penis I lovingly created with playdough

yes, they were hanging there for a reason

in all her drunken glory...love you Becca!

in da club

not sure who the boy is, but the girls loved him!

The Wild Woman Cometh

I am throwing a bachelorette party for my girl Becca. She is getting married 3 weeks from today! She's been with her guy for over 2 years now but is nervous of losing her independence now that she's tying the knot. So tonight my friends, she will be the party girl we all remember. Now that we are mated we live in our own little bubbles(coming out occasionally for social functions)...gone are the late nights out dancing with the girls, dancing on Beck's table, and drinking ourselves silly. We hang out, but it's stuff like tanning on the deck or chatting while she hangs clothes and I watch because I love my dryer...since she lives next door to me see?

We are going to recreate some magical times here tonight folks! Every one's bringing something and I am going to make some spinach dip with sourdough and pumpernickel (we need food that will go down well with the booze). There are jello shooters gelling in the fridge, vodka and sourpuss on the counter...don't you wish you were partying with the princess and her crew tonight? I am a little rusty...it's been a while, but I throw a damn good party.

There will be dick balloons hanging from the ceiling (whip cream will be applied later) and dick straws for everyone! I have a pin the dick game, a jube-jube game (how many can you get in your mouth without chewing or swallowing them ladies?) I even have a few fun little prizes...oh my god guys! I gotta get a move on here! I gotta clean like a crazy person. I got up at 8 this morning to get groceries early. I have to straighten my hair and go to my salon for 12:30. She's simply going to help me with a funky ponytail...for the low, low price of $5! I am gonna tan just before I think. Oh, this is going to be so much fun! Aside from Relay I can't recall the last time I hung out with a large group of ladies. I am trying to convince the boyfriend to provide some entertainment for us. I actually think I have him half convinced. He and his brother (when he asks him that is...) are going to drive our drunk asses to the club of our choosing later. There will be pictures...oh yes, there will.

Kisses! By the way it is beautiful and sunny. This is a very happy day.

Psssst!

self portrait with my "princess for the day" tiara

I am 37 years young today and I feel fabulous!

We are going out to dinner once the boyfriend is done showering and shaving. He came home at lunch and set out a lovely bouquet of flowers for me...how sweet! Cake with pink icing and ribbon as well.

Profound for one so young

With the school year at an end, children empty their desks and cart home all the treasure and lessons. Among the various lesson books I found Seth's journal entries. Don't worry, I didn't look without permission. I'm sure a time will come that he will want more privacy but for now he loves for me to read what he writes. He's proud of his abilities in cursive especially. I have to ask him, but I will assume through reading various musings that the teacher presents a topic (ei: a place you have visited or a what would you give the soldiers in war zones...incidentally a Nintendo Wii then he would get his butt out of there!). I read this one and thought it was so interesting I wanted to share it with you. A teacher at his school passed away during the school year and it was a rather hot topic on the playground for a few days. Here's what he had to say:

Housework and Magic Tricks

Sidney loves to help me wash the floors. I don't use a mop, but a rag and bucket. I gave him a 2 litre ice cream container with a little dish soap and water and a designated area to clean. He was using a j-cloth and yelled to me...

"Mama! Watch my magic trick! I can make the cloth disappear."

He then proceeded to lay the cloth over the bucket, then look my way to make sure he had my attention. "You ready Mama?"

"Hoka-poka!" Then he stomps his foot into the bucket and the cloth disappears. Funny stuff. Just a magical moment in the day of the princess.

My song choice for today (yeah, I haven't forgetten) is Bleeding Love...just cause I really like it.

Beating The Heat

Here's a helpful tip for cooling off in the heat of summer that really works:

Fill up the kitchen sink about half full with really cold water. Immerse your arms covering your elbows. You will feel your entire body temperature change within a minute or 2. You will love it. Just for kicks eat a popsicle at the same time. Very nice...try it, I dare ya.

A Day of Lasts

I received a call from my children yesterday afternoon at work that was so cute and funny. They were on speakerphone and they were both talking excitedly about their lasts.

Seth was telling me that he graded AND got the best report card he's ever had...1 B and the rest A's. Yay for my wonderful, smart boy!

Sidney had is very last day at daycare where he's been going since he was 6 months old! My baby is starting school in September, and will to be going to the same childcare facility as Seth now. The summer program is loads of fun and it will teach him to be responsible for his backpack and lunch in preparation for big school. He was also yelling into the speakerphone telling me how he graded and that I should be very proud of him as well. I told him I certainly was proud of him! Yay for my sweet baby boy!

Both boys will be in French Immersion and I am quite certain Seth will be able to help Sidney with any trouble he may have. I also think that no matter how much Seth teases is little brother, he will watch over him at big school and make sure no one is mean to him or anything. Big brothers rock!

My Bittersweet Love Affair with The Slim White Demon

Sounds rather steamy, doesn't it? I am definately not talking about a man. No slim jims allowed here thank you very much.

I wrote a post in January where I shared with you the fact that I had been cigarette free since October 31, 2007. I held off a while before saying anything and was doing quite well until one fateful day when I made a royal blunder.

I went to my girl's surprise birthday party and actually hung out with the smokers (seeing as she is one) and did all right. Resisted temptation. And even though I know:

Smoking makes your teeth yellow,

Smoking makes your breath smellow!

I still got this waft of sweet smelly smoke and wanted one. The next evening I was home alone and found the full pack that the boyfriend hadn't taken with him. I sat down and smoked 3 within 1/2 hour. I know...disgusting! I happen to agree, but alas my friends, I am smoking again. I suspect that's part of the reason I have been feeling a little low. It made me feel great to stop and if I had kept up with the workouts it would have helped. I will try again soon. For the good of my health and my children I WILL LICK THIS!

At the end of the day

I was amusing myself during the last 1/2 hour of work today by listening to one of the salesmen talking with a customer. He uses the phrase "At the end of the day" (like...we won't know exactly how much the install will cost until a site visit at the end of the day) an awful lot so I started ticking a post-it note each time he said it. Now, I had to answer the phone a couple of times and talk with a customer briefly but my ticks were up to 12. It was only a 15 minute conversation! I had to leave my office and go down the hall to giggle a little.

The princess is back bitches! Did you miss me?