Butterflies And Memories

So after posting about warm woolen blankets in February, I received a few calls from loved ones and have been thinking about my mother a lot. I always get a jolt when I come in contact with someone who knew her. I soak in every word. Every last one. My life has had so many stages, so many directions it seems. I tend to categorize things in my mind...when my parents were together, when I lived with Mom and her boyfriend, when mom died, living with a new family, and so on into adult life.

She made quite an impression on me. In my adult mind I can recall things from childhood, times with her, specifically conversations we had that I understand so clearly now. She loved to write letters. She always had pretty writing paper. I used to love watching her write at the kitchen table and she had this paper with butterflies on the top left and bottom right of each page. I know because I have some of them right here by my computer. Actually, I am going to get a tattoo of one of the butterflies on the writing paper. Mom loved butterflies. God, she loved them! We bought her a serving tray set with 8 coasters that have actual butterfly wings behind the glass. A little morbid I suppose, but she also had a couple preserved ones in these fancy metal containers. She would show them to me sometimes. They looked so alive. I remember trying to catch butterflies between my fingertips in our yard as a very young child so that I could bring them into the basement and let them fly a little. I always let them go though.

You know what? I found (this is gonna sound backwoods but...) my mom's boyfriend's daughter on the facebook. We haven't seen one another since very early in 1985. We talked a little once I added her to my friends list, but just lately she sent me a link. She makes beaded jewelery and while looking at it, I found something cute and sent an e-mail to ask if she could make one with butterflies instead of flowers. The e-mail she sent me back was so beautiful I really want to share it with you.

I haven't really seen any butterflies, but I haven't really looked. Next time I go bead shopping I will look for butterflies. I remember how much your mom used to love butterflies. There used to be a field next to the Mall (condos there now) that had milkweed, and in the summer one day, dad, your mom and I walked through and their was a ton of monarch butterflies - so beautiful; one of my fond memories.

I sat there staring at the screen for a few moments, then wrote back...

Thank you for sharing that with me. That's a lovely memory. Did you like my mother? Was she kind, or were you rather indifferent regardless? I had many mixed feelings for my father's wife, although she was always kind to me and I grew to love her very much. I was really just curious. There's not many people that I talk to about her that knew her. Thank you. If you find some butterflies i would love a bracelet with some on it.

She sent me back an e-mail that just made me well up. It's ok, really. It sort of feels good but also makes me think of sad times. This girl used to come and stay with us on weekends quite regularly. The way that Ty does here with us, you know? It sort of mattered to me at that moment how she felt being the one walking into our home. This is a woman who has had a rough road. A horribly abusive pig of a stepfather. She was eventually taken from her home and put into foster care. I thought about that after reading the mail...neither of us had knights for dads (you know, to rescue us from circumstance)...life goes on.

I thought she was awesome! She was an incredible woman. She was very kind to me, and she loved you and Rodney very much. I have some good memories of her and some very sad memories. I remember her loving the beach and the sun, and that I was really relaxed around her, especially with everything going on with me and the abuse I was suffering at home. I remember her speaking very fast French when she was talking to her Mom and Dad. She was a happy person, a good person, a very special person. She was a quiet, private person, but good with people. She had a wonderful laugh. After she passed, I know Dad was never the same again, and fell into such a dark depression. He loved her so much, and was so heartbroken. She was the love of his life. I only talk to Dad once in a while, we haven't really been close, but he is my Dad, and I love him.Anyway, I will look for some butterflies - I will think of Audrey when I do.Keep in touch.

Incidentally, I haven't seen her father since Mom's funeral. See? Welling up again just reading it there. I realize this doesn't mean as much to all of you as it does to me, but it made me feel really good to add it here. Another little e-mail I received said this:

People often have nice things to say about another person once they pass away..But in the case of your mother it's all true..She really was a sweet lady.

I feel good about that.

Does Worker's Comp Cover This?

I stabbed myself in the finger with a pen today. I actually drew blood! What is wrong with me? I was in the process of tearing into a 12 pack of post-it notes when the pen slipped from the plastic packaging and landed in my finger. Nice. Do you think the ink will cause an infection?

My Quiet Blog Reader

So, a little over a week ago the boyfriend says to me:

"You put your boobies on the internet."

I said, "Yeah, but not anything I wouldn't post on my blog. So you got to the link? Did you like the boobies?" He indicated that yes, he did very much. I guess perhaps this post or the site for the boobie wars caught his attention on his computer travels. I was so excited that he read it, even just a post or 2! He doesn't really get into all my blog talk, see? I was pleasantly surprised. :)

I Asked For Coffee, Dammit!

Sometimes Monday mornings just don't start off right. After arriving at work and settling at my desk to have my morning coffee... placing the cup to my mouth with happy anticipation...I ended up taking a big swig of the boyfriend's tea that has 3 cream and 3 sugar (I'll give you a moment to gag) instead of coffee. I am quite sure he was just as disappointed to end up with mine. He was already gone, so I couldn't ask him if he was as pissed as I was.

Winter Blahs

I always get really cranky when winter is close to an end. I really start to crave the warmth and can hardly wait for walking weather (I know, a true walker wouldn't care, but it's damn cold out there). Weather here (is it is everywhere, really) is so unpredictable that it could snow in May or even June. Who knows? Anyhow, I always feel lazy and unproductive during the months of February and March. I don't feel like doing anything once the boys are in bed. I am tired and my brain doesn't want much strain. Sometimes when I blog I wait until I know "exactly" what I want to say. I don't fly by the seat of my pants well. I am a planner through and through. I often have amusing things to talk about, especially when the boys are here because there's always chaos and craziness. Some of it is actually quite funny. By the time I finish all the family stuff, I just don't feel like a flowery speech. I need to loosen up more. I need to just write a couple sentences so that I don't forget to tell you what's going on here. I am hopelessly caught in the winter blahs. All my clothes are tight. I need to go back to working out. Lazy. This is what I've been doing on the weekends...

I won't even lie, I really do enjoy this!

Hoo Hoo

Did somebody say Hooters?

So, it's judgement day. I decided to join in on the second annual boobie wars taking place this week. Today is the last day to put in your votes. It's now of never so vote for the princess here and again here and I'll be your lifelong friend.

Hehehe

There are certainly some pretty titties over there. Oh I slay myself...

By the way, my city is getting a Hooters restaurant. It's opening next week, so after the boys go to their dad's (the week after) I think my guy and I will go check it out. I think it'll be really fun to see what all the hype's about...I am sure we'll see lots of cleavage as well.

In other news...I am home AGAIN (but with all the boys) today. School was cancelled due to bad weather. Oddly, I still managed to take the boyfriend to work, drop Sidney off at daycare and took Seth to the office to work on something I really needed to finish today. Then I picked up Tyler, then back to Sid. We're home safe and sound. It's unfortunate that they are so quick to cancel sometimes, though I appreciate they are trying to keep our children safe. Inconvenient today to say the least. Work it piling up at my desk because I have been focusing on the year end only for several days. Crazy! Tons of fun waiting for me on Monday morning. It'll make the day fly though.

My T-Shirt Collection

I dropped by the Sassy Suzel's blog this morning and discovered she had tagged me for a post. I was so excited to post it, I actually felt ok with having to pick Seth up from school early today (he gets unexplained belly-aches sometimes and I always grill him about pain levels before I will get him---mean mama!). I really don't have many t-shirts that say anything. I wear mostly solid colored plain shirts. My first thought was "Man, I wish I still had my vomit glossary t-shirt. That would be hilarious!". But alas, it was so old and worn that I had to cut it up for rags. It had 12 block comics, each one depicting a different saying for "Vomit". One was "Dry Heaves", another "Praying to the porcelain god"...you get the idea. It was the funniest shirt I ever owned. I did manage to find a few that I would love to share with you. These ones are very girly and probably more what I normally wear. Snow bunny (that's me, by the way) and The Doors (gotta love them!).

These are "pub crawl" t-shirts. You may be asking yourself (or me) "What is a pub crawl?". Well, when you live in the city with the most bars per ca pita in the country, you stroll from bar to bar all night. It's not really a regular thing with cover charge being so outrageously priced, but a well organized pub crawl can be a lot of fun, and can last up to 12 hours if you do it right. Sometimes if you call ahead and have enough people, they will (or used to anyhow) waive cover...sweet! It's awesome in a big group. Believe it or not, some bars are so close together you really could crawl to the next if so inclined. Next question "Princess, why is the writing on that shirt upside down?". Hello! I have to be able to read it so I know where to go next! The beige one is from a pub crawl I organized for work. We didn't have a great turn-out, but it was a fun. The black one is from an impromptu high school reunion with some old friends. Good times, good times.




This shirt has been washed so many times that it has holes all over the place. The pits blew out years ago, but i really can't bring myself to get rid of it. This is Pink Floyd we're talking about here! Concert event of my lifetime for certain.

We bought tickets 4 months in advance (floor seats no less) and there was NO WAY anyone was backing out. Here's the scene: Vancouver, 1994--not gonna tell you how old I was, you do the math. My guy and I had broken up about 3 weeks before the concert. His cousin and her boyfriend (also attending with us) had broken up just shortly before as well. Thank god we did have 1 poor buffer guy with us. Actually, we were all so happy to be at the concert we decided on a truce for the night. What a long, strange trip that was.

I once saw a shirt that said "Whenever" on the front, and "Where ever" on the back. My ex-husband didn't like it very much, so I wasn't able to buy it. It made me laugh and I never forgot it. All my girls poke fun because I am always up for some sexy time. I gotta find a "Princess" shirt. Actually, "I'm the Princess, that's why" would be PERFECT for me!

Now, I think I will go ahead and tag some mamas. I tag: Mom of 3, Momma to 2, and my sister Eve. Holla ladies! Let's see whatcha got.

I would also like to know what Kitty and Sid are wearing.

Sookey Queen

Sidney had been playing Guitar Hero and handed it over to the boyfriend before heading downstairs to get ready for bed...

He was playing Mississippi Queen (background noise when I am otherwise occupied, so I wasn't really paying attention) and Sidney says "who's playing that Sookey Sookey Queen". I'm like, "Pardon?". He goes "on the guitar hero mama, who is it playing the sookey queen song?"...the lightbulb..."Ohhhh, he's playing Mississippi Queen, Bubba". CUTE

My Song Choice for Saturday

So, I am going to try and post 1 song each Saturday that I enjoy. Now, I don't have mad skills with attachments in posts, so it will have to be a song I can find on YouTube. I wish I knew how to actually upload the video into a post...anyone?

This week's choice is Ching-A-Ling by Missy Elliott. I love her because she is always herself and doesn't buy into the skinny hype. She is sexy and happy in her own skin. Also, she loves to shake what her mama gave her... and asses (and the shaking of ) are one of my very favorite things. She's successful in her own field because she is a talented, determined woman. I realize not everyone enjoys Rap/Hip Hop tunes and they won't always be this type of music, but it is something I love. I could dance for hours. Speaking of which, I am all alone for the evening and I may just dance around the living room a little. Time well spent. I can listen to the same song 3 times in a row if I want and no one will say a word. Very nice.

A Little Reality Check

Every time I wonder why my pants feel snug (well, I don't really wonder why because I know already) I think about what I am shoving in my maw at night. I know you are not supposed to eat late at night, but I get hungry. I had conditioned myself for a long time to have a piece of toast or some cereal, but sometimes I am offered a snack made by someone else. This was such a time...I probably wouldn't have loaded the bowl up quite so much, but I did manage to eat every last morsel. We went grocery shopping on Thursday night and it's an event that requires taste testing the food. We have to check for poison before the boys get here you know. Can't have them eating something that could potentially make them sick. The dirty job falls on me to make sure that doesn't happen.

fresh strawberries, ice cream and cool whip...heavenly!

So this is what we had for an evening snack last night. I had a relatively small piece, but there is still most of a cake in my freezer. Temptations galore. It was Tyler's birthday though. I had no choice. Would have been very rude not to have a piece, don't you think?

Dairy Queen Ice cream cake...yummy!

Dreaming of The Summer Sun

Oh how I miss summer. It is far and away my favorite season. It is cold and snowy and we are supposed to get a big storm tomorrow. One of my coworkers is going on a trip to Cuba as we speak...BASTARD! That's it! I need to go tanning with the sessions the boyfriend gave me as a Christmas gift. I bet that will make me feel a little better. I think I may even book one for this evening.

look at the baby blues on my little bubba

Nattie the Bikini Barista, Adventures in Waxing, Bizarre Stop Signs and the Rest of My Week

First of all what exactly is a bikini barista? That's what Natalie on Big Brother has as her job title. Wednesday night is was cleared up for viewers like me who just have to know...she is a bartender/waitress who works in a bikini. Well now, that explains the large boobies on a tiny person. Not that I have a problem with fake boobies, please understand. Oh Nattie is so in love with her partner Matty. It's such a shame that he doesn't like her back. :(

I am enjoying my Big Brother this season. It is filled with drama and entertainment. They have just been informed that they are playing as individuals. I was wondering how they were going to stretch it out with only 4 couples. Nice one! Anyhow, now it is up to the American viewers to vote an evicted house guest back into the Big Brother house. Who's it gonna be folks? I hope we find out on Sunday. I hope it isn't Jen. Hard to say with public voting. What I am most curious about is the new dynamic that will occur now that they don't have to be loyal to a partner. Tricky BB was just showing us how people can become loyal to one another when romance comes into play. Interesting. I am wondering if James and Chelsia will still play together.

Onto other topics...

I bought a home waxing kit. I do miss the waxing and have been wanting to try it at home. I bought some many years ago and tried it once or twice then went to a professional. Now I have actually watched it enough that it isn't really intimidating. I bought a brand called Parissa. I got some microwavable wax with papers and sticks and some wax strips that you warm between your hands with friction and place on the skin. I did my eyebrows with them and they turned out very well, although the strips are rectangular and it may have been easier with the wax and stick where the brows are curved. It's all about results though. The boyfriend was a wonderful sport and allowed me to wax his chest. Hot!

changing the subject again...

It has been a very busy couple of weeks at work. We had our year end inventory last Friday. It is a slow time of year in our industry, but a hectic time for admin staff. The homeshow is this weekend. I had a shift on Friday during work hours, and another on Saturday. It was busy and the day went pretty quickly. Just in front of our booth there were 2 people standing on either side of the isle holding really big STOP signs. The carpet had yellow stripes like a road, so I guess there was some sort of theme (?) only they didn't seem to be giving out any information or doing anything except standing there talking to one another. They had homeshow staff shirts...odd. I meant to bring my camera and snap a picture just for the post, but alas...I forgot it at home.

It is so quiet here this weekend. There are no children here right now. My boys are staying an extra week with their dad for the March Break and then I will get them for 2 weeks after that...yay! Master Tyler is turning 10 next weekend so I am quite sure we'll be seeing him. His b-day party is scheduled for the following weekend~which is also Easter. It will take some planning and coordination but I am up for the challenge. Piece of cake. Definately.

Clumsy-Ass Chick

This is not the first post about my clumsiness and it certainly won't be the last. Damn freezing rain! I had to drop off some brochures for overprint yesterday morning and in the 15-20 minutes I was out of the office, I managed to come back all gimped up. After dropping off my stuff I headed back to the truck but before I managed to get to the door I slipped. I fell onto my knees and instinctively put my hands forward for support. They slapped onto the ground but did not provide much support because they immediately slipped out as well, leaving me sprawled out in the parking lot. Oh shit! Did anyone see that? Did I rip my dress pants? Again, did anyone see that? Of course my chin hit the ground as well as my knees, palms and one elbow and I was bleeding from my fingers. I am walking sooooo slowly today.

The thing is, I never hurt myself badly enough for a hospital visit or anything. Just enough that I am bruised, battered and sore for several days. The troll at work was bitching about how I should sue. Ummm...last time I checked you actually had to lose time at work, or have a serious injury in order to sue. I replied by simply saying "I'm at work today, so what I am I going to sue them for exactly?". Not to mention that we don't/can't sue people the same way Americans can. That's not a dig at Americans, they just do things differently than we do here in Canada.

The boyfriend was extremely sympathetic as soon as he saw me hobbling around. He got me an ice pack and had me lay down on the couch with my leg propped up on pillows for the evening. I am staying close to my desk today. Less opportunity to fall down that way.

He's My Everyday Hero

I loves my boyfriend. He is my best friend and every time he does something for me that makes me happy I tell him he is my everyday hero. It has sort of become our little inside joke. He accepts my silly ways and I accept his. From the beginning of our relationship I was always impressed with his kindness and attention to my children. It is one thing to be nice to someones child/children, but another entirely to love them. He loves them.

Almost 1 year ago, I encouraged him and stood by him as he sought out his son. His ex had left the province and he had not seen or had ANY contact with her or Tyler for 7 years. I have mentioned it before but it is such an incredible series of events that it bears repeating. He actually found her profile on facebook and sent her an e-mail. That was last April. They moved to our area last summer and father and son were reunited at the beginning of August 2007. Since that time, we have had him most weekends. He and Seth became fast friends, and Sidney just adores him as well. I am now a stepmother.

The interesting thing is this: Blake and I had just moved in together late that spring but to Tyler we appear to be such a stable family as if we had been together forever or something you know? Not that we aren't happy, but just imagine what a wonderful yet extremely complicated situation it is. It provides us with more motivation to work on our relationship and establish our life together. Since he and the ex hadn't been in touch all those years, there was a huge build-up of frustration and some anger on both sides. I am so glad that I was there to help and guide and play a little mediation as well. He has told me how much easier I made it for him to be able to talk to with her. I just offer support and a listening ear when he needs it. I am so anal about routine and structure for children and Blake has adopted my attitude with this as well. We do everything we can to provide his son with a loving and stable environment as I know that his life has been somewhat complex. Though it has forever changed our lives, I couldn't be happier that this has happened. I have often said that even if things don't work out between us I will always feel good about being instrumental in bringing the 2 of them back together. How can I allow him to love my children and not love his? I can't. I love him and we develop our relationship more each time he comes home.

All I Am Is...

There's this song I remember from my teen years. It's not on the radio or anything, I actually heard it at a live show by a Mormon singing group called "The Young Ambassadors". One of the lines goes like this:

All I am is just a housewife. Nothing special, nothing great.

It goes on to list all the little things she deals with in a day. Fighting children, cooking meals, cleaning house (all of which I do, of course along with my 8-5 job). When I am feeling particularly discouraged with myself or just life in general, I hear it in my head something like this:

All I am is just a secretary. Nothing special, nothing great.

The extent of my post secondary education is a 1 year Office Administrative Assistant program. I sometimes lament because I was too emotionally scattered after high school to do anything of substance with my life (although I did move across the country on my own and managed to learn some lessons about in being a responsible adult). My father paid for each of my brothers to go to university, but I somehow missed the boat on that one. I just wasn't around at the right time or something I guess. I met my ex at age 23 and helped him establish his career before we split 10 years later, but we never seemed to have the money for me to take accounting or computer courses. Always more pressing things to spend the cash on with a house, car and child. Sometimes I feel like a bit of a failure being a single mother and all (since I couldn't even keep a relationship together either). I get down because I want so much to give them what they need and want (within reason). I know that I have the boyfriend, but it is important to me to be self sufficient. I have been working at the same job and with mostly the same people for the last 7 1/2 years and I just feel like I am treading water. I have had 1 (that's right folks, I did say 1!) $.50 raise in the last 4 years. WTF am I going to do with only $.50 more per hour in 4 years? Well, not much I can tell you! I apply for other positions, but because I have no experience with most of the newer accounting programs, I don't often get considered. I have been trying (but to no avail) to get my boss to put me on the payroll course, but he insists that it is of no benefit to him. I know this is a lot of stuff I am talking about today, but it has been just eating me up.

Did I mention that I have not had a vacation in 6 years? I have taken the occasional long weekend, but my 10 days of vacation per year get eaten up with sick days for me and the boys. No, I do not have any paid sick days. Today I am feeling so tired, so discouraged, and rather inadequate all at once. I feel like just screaming at everyone who comes into my office (with the exception of Di perhaps). I have a doctor's appointment this coming Monday and am considering taking the day off just for me. I don't know what I want to do really, maybe just sit quietly or something. I am standing in my friend's wedding this summer so no matter how many sick days I take between now and August, I still have to take time off for that as it is out of province. Sadly, it should be something I look forward to but all I can think of is how am I going to pay for school supplies and everything when I am taking a whole week off. I think too much, you don't have to tell me.

On the positive side, I am lucky to be employed and have a roof over my head. I am so proud of my children and I believe I am teaching them good, valuable life skills. In that area I do feel adequate. I know that they love being with me even though I cannot provide as much stuff for them. I am proud of the way I live my life, I am just feeling a little low today. Perhaps tomorrow will be better.

1, 2, 3, 4...

Now I declare a boobie war! Holla Kitty! Holla WendyB! Holla MistressM...I am guessing you're in too...you have convinced me to join in the fun.

Special thanks to my brother in law who took this lovely boobie shot.

The Cold Hard Truth is This: The Tooth Fairy is a Lame Ass

Why can't I remember to play "tooth fairy"? Why? Seth lost a molar yesterday. He showed it to me, asked me for a baggie, and placed it carefully under his pillow. As I was tucking him in he said "I hope the tooth fairy comes tonight." Hate to break it to you sweetheart, but she might not make it. It must be the onset of old age. This is AT LEAST the 3rd tooth he has not gotten paid for. He told me one other time that he doesn't think that the tooth fairy is real. At the time, I said "she's just behind sometimes and has to come the next night". Then I go put the money under his pillow and pretend it has been there all along. Look bud, you must have just not looked had enough. Do you think he bought it? Nope. Not for a second.

This morning he says "Oh man, the tooth fairy didn't come AGAIN!"

I said (as I open my wallet to get some coins) "That's because the tooth fairy is a lame ass."

A Warm Woolen Blanket and What It Means to Me

On February 24, 1985 I awoke on a Sunday morning to find an extra blanket on my bed. It was one of those Hudson's Bay Company signature blankets. It was ivory with 1 thick green strip and 1 thick red one on one end of it. I knew immediately what the significance of the blanket was. I was 13 at the time, so we were long past the time in a child's life when parents routinely tuck you in before settling in themselves. But I was not in a routine situation. That blanket was there because someone came in to check on me. The only reason someone would do that is if Mom died while I was sleeping. I saw her on Saturday afternoon and it was quite clear that she had very limited time left here with us. Her battle with cancer lost.

Here I sit 23 years later (after getting up to dry my eyes that is) thinking how much I miss her still. She was 38 years old. I remember her sitting my brother and I down in the living room one night to talk. She looked at us and said "I am so sorry this is happening". I said "Mom, it's not your fault." and it certainly wasn't. I have grown to understand what she meant after having children of my own. I look at them every day and thank god that I am healthy and well and able to be a mother to my beautiful boys. I am turning 37 on my birthday. I do not have cancer. I do, however, get my annual exams and encourage everyone else out the to do the same. It could make a difference in your life.

I have had people ask me some silly questions over the years when I say my mom had cancer like...well did she smoke? Do only smokers get cancer? Absolutely not. Don't bother me with your silly questions. Actually, she had Uterine cancer. She was on and off sick for about 3-4 years at least but had long periods where she was able to still work and stuff. She stayed at home until about a month before she passed. At that time, I went to live with family friends as was the wish of my mother. My brother went to live with our father for just a few months to finish high school and all of that. He went into university dorms, then was on his own for the most part. We have always been tight. (well, we talk much less frequently right now but hopefully I can change that)

I think about her every day. I have found that since getting separated I think of her even more because our lives took similar paths and I mourn the loss of our relationship. I have a little card box of letters that my mom's friend sent me. It is so cool to read letters that she wrote to a friend. Just get a little idea of what she was like socially. My mother is a perfect angel, see? She could do no wrong in my eyes. I believe we would have had a good relationship. I believe she would have been very involved in the lives of my children and that they would have spent a lot of time getting to know her. I believe that she would be my closest friend and biggest support. I believe that things happen for a reason.

I feel very sad today. I think I'm going back to bed for a little while.

My Boyfriend Ran Over My Foot

I heard a funny today. Why was it so funny you may ask? Because it didn't happen to me.

I went over to my friend Jenni's tonight to see her beautiful new baby boy. Midge was there and I gave her a ride home. There was some slick snow on the road as we were leaving. She told me to be careful and says "My boyfriend ran over my foot today." I'm like, what? She says "I threw his hardhat across the seat and he thought I had closed the door and started moving forward. I yelled to him when the tire was on top of my foot." I'm listening and trying to be sincere because I didn't want her to be hurt, but exploding with laughter at the same time. I said "You must have been some mad" (cause that's what we say here in NS)

I will be seeing her tomorrow morning and will have to ask her how her foot is. I hope it's ok. Just wanted to share someone"s misery for your enjoyment.

Big Brother Scoop

I just finished watching the 5th episode of Big Brother 9. I have been waiting to form stronger feelings/opinions before posting much. As the contestants entered the house the viewers learned that there was a secret twist (well of course there is it's BB). There was one real couple (Jen and Ryan) who didn't end up together in the house, and one couple who had a relationship but were no longer together (Sharon and Jacob) who did. So here's my assessment:

couple #1--Sheila and Adam (opps, I think that's his name)

Sheila was pissed to be paired with him because she doesn't find him attractive. She is entitled to her feelings, but she was extremely vocal, so bad vibes from the start. He wasn't excited about being paired with the only cougar in the house either. He kept quiet. They seem to be working together now, only Sheila and her friend Allison made up a story...

couple #2--Ryan and Allison

Allison really likes Ryan and thinks there could be something outside the house, only he's with Jen in real life. He ends up having to tell her early into the game and she wasn't very happy. Ryan, Jen and her partner ended up telling the rest of the house before Allison could. She also made up a story with Sheila about the 2 of them being a real life lesbian couple with a child. I think that one is going to bite them both in the ass later on.

couple #3--Sharon and Jacob

They dated for like 12 years and broke up only to be paired on BB--yikes! They got voted out first, so we didn't really get to know them well. Sharon ends up...

couple #4--Josh and other hansome gay man

The other fella had a family emergency and had to leave the show. Josh was then able to choose to have either Sharon or Jacob come out of the sequester house and re-join the houseguests. He choose Sharon. I think they will work well together. They are good friends. Josh said something really awful to Amanda that may effect his game later.

couple #5--Amanda and Alex

Each of these people have lost their father. Interesting outside the house, even more intense inside with only a few people around like that. Alex is a very jealous guy...even though they haven't really hit it off romantically, he got pissed about her wearing skimpy clothes. Hello Alex, have you ever watched BB? How long have you known this woman that it's ok to express anger to her about that? Amanda is a gossip who then swears up and down she has said nothing wrong. Josh made a nasty low comment about something personal re: her father that I was shocked at as a viewer.

couple #6--Jen and Parker

Jen is really in love with Ryan. She ends up telling Parker so he won't put Ryan and his partner up for eviction. Parker is very attracted to Amanda. They hang out some also. They got voted out tonight (Jen and Parker), so there wont be any more talk about them, but I will say that I was outraged at Jen's ploys to stay in the house tonight. She actually told someone that Ryan was a racist. Yep, nice girlfriend, wha? I mean, they are going out for real! I cannot imagine saying that about my love interest. She denied saying it and she left the house with him saying he loved her, so I guess they worked it out but does she think he is never going to see the show? Hello! On air! Jen, you are not a very nice person and I think you are a big fat liar!

couple #7--Natalie and Matt

Now they are just cute together. They seem to work well as a team and I like them both and it would be fun to see them get romatically involved. We'll see what happens and if they can be a good support for one another. Things can change on a dime.

couple #8--Chelsia and James

Another team that works very well as a team. They know that the way to stay is to make the right decisions as a couple. They sometimes get mixed up in the drama, but so far not the real cause of any at all. That's how to win don't you know?

I will try to keep you more up to date on Big Brother as it happens. Man, this week is busy. I have a rally for the cancer society tomorrow night which I will post about when I have all the proper information.

Baby Mama Drama

I was at Staples this morning picking up some supplies for work when I received a call on my cellphone. It was the boyfriend and my my, was he in a panic! He had just received a call from his son's school to inform him that Tyler had not arrived today. They tried his mom at work and couldn't reach her. Then at home, but didn't have the correct number. Logically they tried the boyfriend (since it is his son) next. He tried calling her also, but got no answer.

He called me because Ty's grandmother's number is programmed into my cellphone and he wanted to see if maybe he was with her. Now, please understand that I am completely cellphone stupid. I had to carry the manual in my purse for months just so I could remember the functions after I got my upgrade. I answer it when it rings and make the occasional call out but that's all I know how to do. I had to hang up and try to figure out how to find her number, then call back twice when I couldn't figure it out. Of course, by the second time I called he was getting a upset with me as well. Now remember, I was out getting things for work so while these calls are going on. I had my arms full of calculators and markers, which I kept dropping all over the floor. Good times.

So, I finally find the number and decide to just call her myself rather than calling his work yet again, which OF COURSE sends her into a panic state because Tyler is not with her either. She was asking me all these questions about what the school said, was M at work? Why wasn't she home? Get it together, woman! I am just asking if he is there...YES or NO? I told her that they were probably just out to the store or something, don't worry I will let you know what happens.

You do know I have a high level of anxiety on a good day right? Man, this situation didn't even involve either of my own children and I was desperately caught up in the 15 minutes of drama! AHHHHHHH! Anyhow, M's mom called me back to let me know she had reached them and yes, they were home and fine. Just what I figured. I told both the boyfriend and the grandmother to relax, and that there was probably nothing at all to worry about. So, as I am receiving her update, the other line goes (hey! look at that~there's call waiting on my cell) so I let her go and flip over to the other line. It's the boyfriend, who is also calling to tell me that he reached M. So this is where the real drama started...

She WAS NOT impressed that the school called him. She proceeded to tell him how she had given "those idiots at the school" her new number at least 3 f**king times! What the hell were they doing calling him?

Princess Rules of Conduct

1. If the mother/father neglects to call the school and inform them that the child will not be there, they have NO CAUSE to question who the school calls. The staff are only trying to protect our children for crying out loud. This has happened with my boys before as well. I actually had to have a conversation with the ex's girlfriend about a similar situation.

2. The parent who has commited the offence of not being responsible should never ever be upset with the parent who is frantically trying to locate their "missing" child. They should apologise, put their children first and suck it up.

Now, I don't normally get into this kind of topic here and I certainly don't want to offend anyone who might read this (M--if you do read this and you're pissed, sorry, but I stand by my statements on this topic).

Every Second Monday

Sometimes Monday is my favorite day of the week. Every second one, anyhow. It's all because of shared custody.

For the last 3 1/2 years, we (me and my ex) have had the children 1 week on, 1 week off . Yeah, that's right...completely 50/50 for those of you just joining in. Those of you who have children can surely understand the trauma in this. I used to take care of them always, and had to adjust to having every other week free. What? Free time? For me? Holy Shit, really? Ok, so after a few months I developed a better outlook and was able to see the positive side.

It's Monday and the boys are gone to their father's house for the week. I will talk to them every night, but won't see them again until next week. I miss them terribly after a couple of days...but oh the joys of Every Second Monday!

Since I have been home from work my evening has gone like this...

1. 5:15-6:30-- sat in a chair by the computer (waiting my turn, actually) next to the boyfriend who was doing facebook things followed by some online poker.

2. Expressed my extreme disinterest in cooking since there are no little birds here... but there's some spaghetti sauce in the fridge and we can cook some noodles. (incidentally, it is now 7:30 and I just started the pasta)

3. 6:36-7:19--decided to rock out for a while. I have a guitar hero career. My band name is Princess (yes, of course) and I am this cool Asian chick with purple pigtails and knee-high socks with a mini. Not only that, but whenever I totally rock, she does this funky thing with her arms...looks like a cheerleader move...and kicks one leg up. I get right into it and jump around right here in my livingroom as well.

Did I mention that I have had 2 beer as well? On a Monday you say? Ah well!

You know what? I had some high hopes for today. I had all intentions of going to the gym after work, but the beer in the fridge from Saturday night was calling to me. There's always tomorrow...

I have more to say, but now my supper is ready and it's a whole different topic. Perhaps I will be back later tonight. There's plenty going on.

What Princess Doesn't Need A "Goodnight Princess" Lamp?

So, it's not nearly as exciting as shopping with Lady at Sak's in New York would be, but it passes as a wonderful little treat just for me! I saw it when I stopped in to the bank machine at a pharmacy near my place. That was about a month ago, and I actually stood there looking at it for about 5 minutes deciding whether or not I wanted to get it. Seemed a little silly to spend $20 on something like that, so I left it. I have been thinking about it since then and decided last night that if it was still there it was meant to come home with me. I am too impatient to mess with the various settings on my camera and couldn't get a great picture of it with the light on, so I put these on for you to see. So cute. I love it!

Happy Love Day

the boyfriend gave me pretty flowers...aren't they lovely?

Valentines day events:

Sidney said he did not get caught by the guy that shoots the hearts at people, what's his name again? I asked him what happens if Cupid (oh yeah, Cupid) catches you and he sort of rolled his eyes, smirked at me and said "he makes you fall in love".

Seth was given the option of giving valentines out in class or not. He decided he didn't want to. Perhaps he is too cool now that he is 10.

I received a call from Seth's teacher around lunchtime today saying that they were having some sewage backup problems (eww...I know...they were super quick to get the children out of the building) and all the children had to be picked up as soon as possible. Unfortunately, I didn't have the car today and had to have the boyfriend pick us up, take us home, then scat back to work. He told me on the way that I wouldn't be able to get my present now because it was going to work! Ahhhhh! I need my present, it's Valentine's Day for the love of Pete (whoever that is). He picked them up for me when he went to pick Sidney up at daycare. He really is great and I sure do feel loved today.

Forget The Writer's Strike, I Still Have My Big Brother!

I absolutely love this show. It is the trashiest of the reality tv shows (mainstream ones, that is) but it only makes me love it more. It has so much drama that it makes me laugh dammit... and isn't that the point of television shows?

That was for the haters who laugh and poke fun because I love it so much. I have friends who are secret Big Brother fans...they just don't want all of their friends to know. Silly, silly...just sit back and enjoy. At least you don't have to actually live with these people.

So the 9th season started last night. Every year there is a twist to the theme. This year they have sent in singles and paired them off (with a Big Brother soul mate match...hahaha). They are going to have to play the game in teams of 2. They will even be voted off together, which is really different. They call it "Big Brother: 'Til Death Do You Part".

Things I am looking forward to: who will have the most passionate showmance, who will clash the most, and will there be any catfights? MEOW! Love it, love it, love it!

School's Closed Today...Due to Pending Bad Weather

The first thing I do when I get up on work days through the winter is peak outside to see if we have to shovel. This morning looked clear and fine, although there is a storm in the forcast. Imagine my surprise when the radio announcer said that school was cancelled for the day. I'm like, What? It's fine out there. I guess it is much easier to cancel in the morning before all of the stock buses go, and teachers and students make their way to classes. Seth was thrilled, of course. I am pleased to spend a quiet day here at home with my boys, however, it always sucks when the paycheck comes. I am just gonna take it for today though...a free day with my children. Sidney could have gone to daycare, but since we are here anyhow, it's nice to have him home too. Sometimes if Seth is sick I still take Sidney but everyone is healthy so here we are.

Things I may get done today:

1.create a new resume for Blake (something I told him I would do)
2.finish making valentines gift...unfortunately some of my stuff is at work--crap!
3. make something yummy for supper
4.post about Big Brother which was on last night. (this I will probably do later)

A Great Hair Product Discovery

Now, I am not normally a fan of Redken but I am rethinking my opinion because of these products. They make my hair feel clean, soft and gorgeous. Just happened upon them in an after Christmas sale package. It also came with a lip gloss with a mirror and a light for travel. Free stuff is always good.

After a Few Days of Hibernation

What a week! I got almost nothing accomplished until yesterday because I was feeling so crappy. The boyfriend hurt his back early in the week and has also been out of commision. We didn't eat much all week. I did cook frozen pizza 2 nights, he made soup one night, and there were leftovers from Monday that we finished of as well.

During my weeks without the boys I usually run all my errands, shop, and clean the house so that I have less to focus on when they are here. I like to spend the evenings with them and not out running around, you know? I saved everything for this weekend. I drug my sniffling ass to the grocery store yesterday afternoon and left several bags on the kitchen floor to put away today. I seem to be a little more energetic today, although still very tired and a little sore. Colds are bad, no one likes them. That's just how it goes.

I had hoped to spend every evening at the gym, then home to cook something fun for us. That's how some weeks go, but this one was much less active for us both. Ah well, the boys will be here on Monday, then Tyler on Friday, so there will be no rest or peace. It's been a very quiet week to be feeling under the weather. Thank goodness I am coming out of the fog.

So far today, I have made a spaghetti sauce for tomorrow's supper, baked cupcakes and iced half with vanilla and half with chocolate icing. I am baking a small ham, making some potatos and veggies, and I will prepare some meatballs later to freeze. These boys eat quite well when I am healthy, let me tell you. I finally managed to clean the floors and washrooms, dust and do laundry. Talk about a busy day. Glad I can finally relax a little before getting ready for work in the morning.

This week will be better.

A Brief Stop Here, Then It's Back to My Nest of Pillows

I'm sick today. I have a nasty cold that might just get worse before it gets better. I have had broken sleep the last 2 nights and just needed to stay home and rest up. I hate missing days at work, but I find it hard to struggle through...answering phones and all of that when my head is pounding like it is. Why spread it around anyhow? The boys are at their dad's this week, so I didn't need to get up and do anything. Pleasant way to be sick if you ask me.

I told the boyfriend how I was feeling when I got up first thing. He touched my hair and said "Go back to sleep, Babe."...ahhh...how could I resist? I do have a meeting this afternoon, though. I am feeling a little work guilt but I know what the meeting is all about and can get filled in tomorrow. Also, we are expecting snow and may have to reschedule the meeting for another day. Di is going to e-mail me and let me know. Blake came home at lunch to see how I was feeling and bring me a coffee. Awww...very nice indeed. I also got a chance to put in an order for orange juice, kleenex, and neocitron.

I think I will go back to the nest now. I have formed a big circle with 2 body pillows plus 4 feather pillows, strategically placed for my comfort. I am reading "Tales of a 4th Grade Nothing" by Judy Blume. I believe I was 9 or 10 years old when I read it the first time. I find it hilarious now that I am a mother of 2 monkey boys.

What's Your Ring Tone?

Is your ringtone just a ring, or do you have a downloaded song that plays when someone calls you? I am currently using "This Is Why I'm Hot" by Mims. I quite enjoy it, and I don't ever mistake someone else's phone ringing for my own, plus it lets everyone around know that there is a hot lady in the room. If I were to assign rings to people who call me, I would use the following songs:

For Blake: "Baby's Got Back"

For Rebecca: "Piece of Me"

For Diana: "Dirty Diana"

For Midge: "I'm a Hustler"

So let me know what you guys all have...pretty please?

What Super Bowl Means Here

"When do they pass out the big spoons for the super bowl?" ask Seth and Tyler.

"Yay! We're going bowling! When we going bowling mama?" wonders Sidney.

I just have to laugh. I am not sure how serious the big boys were about it, but it was hilarious to me.

Did you hear Alicia Keyes at the beginning of the show tonight? Wow. She is amazing, not to mention beautiful and and extremely talented.

I ate hot wings for supper. The boyfriend mixed up an awesome sauce that would have been milder had I thrown it together. This one definately had more flavor. Home fries also. Nasty greasy, delicious morsels.

I drove Ty home and Blake stayed here and got my boys to bed while watching the football game.

Adding on here...dramatic 4th quarter by the New York Giants. Good game. Amazing finish.

Willow Tree Figurines

This one is called "brothers". I want it.

This one is called "Quietly". Wow, I haven't seen this one in stores but I would love to get it.

This one is called "Heart of Gold". It reminds me of both my boys.

This one is called "Friendship". Rebecca gave one to me.

I think these are so beautiful. I have the last one here and another called "Mother and Child". I couldn't find it on this site, but there are some other very nice ones. I actually set it to the Nativity scenes because they are beautiful. Definately worth a click.

In 3 Years 160 days 1 hour and 45 minutes from now

I will be 40 years old. I am not upset about it, I just have lots of things I want to do before that. Some of these things include:

1. Going on an all inclusive trip down south somewhere. Difficult, but perhaps attainable.

2. Buy a house. I had one with the ex, but of course it was sold. It is a huge commitment to buy a house with someone, so I wait. I believe Blake and I will buy one together someday.

3. Now this is the most important one to me. It is a pipe dream, and I don't really know if it is AT ALL possible, but I want to have breast implants. CRAZY, I know! Since they arrived when I was 11-13, they have always belonged on 2 different bodies, and it has just gotten worse after having 2 children. They are 2 completely different cup sizes and I have to compensate by using both removable inserts in one cup to make them look even. I will take out a personal loan if I have to for this. I don't think people realize how serious I am about it. I can't imagine actually buying a bra that fits properly, it will be a new experience for me. It is not for vanity, or to please anyone but me. I am going to see my doctor and get a referral. I understand that this could take up to 1 year, so I am going to see her soon. I only have a little over 3 years to get this started. I understand that it will cost me approximately $7000.00. Am I crazy, or what?

4. I am going to run in a marathon someday. I would love to do it during my 40th year.

see?

Confessions of a Pouty Princess

Sometimes I wish I had the nerve to write some of my truest inner thoughts for you all to read. I was thinking last night how cool it would be to have a secret blog...then it occured to me that I should just write in a journal or a diary. I have things banging around in my head...too many sometimes. I float around doing all the things I am responsible for, all the things required of me, have a little fun in between, but I feel like there is some deep need to get things off my chest. I suppose I am feeling a little more courageous having found all of these new blogs, but perhaps I am afraid of: (1) hurting someone's feelings (2) pissing someone off (3) putting my relationship in jeapordy. Not so much the last, as I would be truly surprised if he looks here or would even comment to me about it if he did.

Confession: I think that he is slightly intimidated that I write here because he thinks I share too much information and also because he believes I am smarter than him...did I really say that? I have 7 years on him and have lived a far different life, that's all. It's not like I have any university degrees or anything. I am who I am. I just wanna be free to be me. I just wanna feel good about it at the same time. Sound fair? I think so.

The Troll Out Back

I have been at the same place of employment for 7 1/2 years now. For almost 3 of them, I was the only female employee. I like working with men because when they have a problem with you they usually let you know and move on without holding anything against you, while women tend to be much more caddy and mean. Since separating from my ex in summer 2003, I have dated 2 men. Both of them were also employees (although neither work with us currently). Scandalous, I know. Apparently, this was a problem for one of the women working in production. Blake mentioned comments she had made before he and I started seeing one another...a direct warning to watch out for me. I am not sure what she wanted him to watch out for, but whatever it was, she was pretty intent on making sure everyone knew. I remember feeling very hurt and angry at the time but sort of shrugging it off. Several months later (after my friend Diana started) a few more people were hired in production. One of them is a younger girl who Diana invited out for drinks one night. She also asked me to go and when she told little miss I was going, she said "Oh really? I heard she was a real SLUT." Diana laughed it off, and said "No she isn't!". Thanks for that, by the way, Di. I didn't really do anything about it when she told me but I did ask people I trust who it was that said it. It didn't surprise me at all to find out it was the little troll woman with the big mouth and bitchy attitude. One day I was talking to the general manager, and told him what was said. Not as an official complaint, but just to get it off my chest. He said..."Well, you did go out with Doug and then Blake." Thanks for the support, boss man. Good to know how that would have gone had I been offended enough to go that route.

Before finishing the rest of my story, let me say that I don't want to date someone I have never met and do not know. I am afraid of strangers and tend to stay closer to "home" so to speak. Also, I was with my ex since I was 23, and with someone for 3 years before him. I don't know how to date or meet people other than the people I come accross through work or friends, you know? That's just me. I am not a perfect person, and have made some relationship mistakes, but this is just not fair. She doesn't know me outside the office AT ALL! It doesn't make me a slut that I dated 2 boys from work, it makes me scared of new things. End of story.

So, we have this new provincial policy that all companies must impliment "Violence in the workplace" policies and proceedures. We are required to have a commitee and meet periodically to ensure that all employees are treated fairly and with respect. Guess who's on the commitee? Among others, me and the troll. Funny, the very thing this woman has done to me is listed as a no-no in the policy. Fostering rumours. Maybe someday I will actually come out and tell her I know what she said, but she strikes me as the type to just deny it anyhow. I will keep you posted on further developments and if it comes to a confrontation, I can't wait to tell you all about it.

Girls Rule, Boys Drool

They just think they run the show. Why is it that men don't seem to remember that they all came out of women? Please do not be alarmed. I am simply making a general observation.

Suck It Up Buttercup

Someone once said I was lucky to have my husband (now ex) because he was strong and I was weak. I only bring it up because it was someone I was close to that said it, and I disagree. I have thought of the comment over the years because even though I am a very emotional lady, I feel more than capable of dealing with life. I have my initial freak out and then I fix whatever needs to be fixed. The time in between can cause me a lot of anxiety, however, I always manage to land on 2 feet. My children are always provided for and things just move along. It is so easy to get lost in all the bad things that happen in life. We have had a barrage of events here lately and we feel like we have been treading water too long. It is a new year. It started with a bang...quite literally...when someone backed into my driver's side door while i was inside eating supper at my house. Yes, I was parked on the road but it was only 5:00pm and I do it all the time. He just didn't look, but he did let me know and give me insurance information. So, I FINALLY finished up with all of that yesterday. Insurance companies SUCK, just for the record. I am glad we are through with that. My love has some MAJOR changes going on at work causing him upset. I am trying to be supportive while not asking too many questions and making him feel more frustrated. The situation made me think of this song. Enjoy! If anyone can help me make the youtube video appear on my blog it would be appreciated.

I happen to know Chad Hatcher (featured in the song linked above) personally. He went out with a friend of mine and I used to see him quite often a couple of years back. He went to Toronto to appear on Canadian Idol, but was eliminated early. Lucky him, really.

Zoning out

My sister uses the term "time sucking vortex" to describe facebook. I have to agree with her on that one. I just spent over an hour labeling posts. Talk about time sucking! I am of 2 minds about whether time was actually "wasted". What I love though, is that it becomes more organized and easy to read. I consider time spent on my blog worthwhile, but imagine my surprise when I realized quite a while into my labeling process that all I had to do was click the box and scroll down my label list instead of actually opening up each post to type them in. Little slow on the get-go sometimes, that's all.

You know? The boys aren't even here, but I think I might break out the guitar hero.

So Long To One of My Favorite TV Boyfriends...We Will Miss You

so seriously...how sexy is he?

I was power walking on a treadmill at the gym and read on the television prompt that Heath Ledger was found dead today. I am so going to miss him! Not to make it all about me, but I AM the princess, and the fact that he won't be entertaining me any longer makes me unhappy. I absolutely loved him in "A Knight's Tale". That was the first time I ever noticed him. He was in "Monster's Ball" wasn't he? Yup, he was. So now I am really sad. He was fabulous and talented. He will be missed in the entertainment world I am sure.

While we are on the subject of TV boyfriends, please note that if ever I hear that this man has been found dead, I will be crying like a little baby. He is my FAVORITE...

So hansome...he's got the sexy

Smoochie The Wonder Cat

Up until just before Christmas, we were living in a virtually pet-free zone (fish don't count). I had a dog when I was married, but since that split, I have had no pets. Blake found a friendly little kitty on the back deck on a minus 1 million degree night (I swear it was, honest!). He came into the kitchen to warm his frost-bitten feet and ears. We couldn't just open the door and let him go again. It was just too cold and we had no idea how far he had traveled. I must admit that we didn't look too hard for the owner because once the boys saw him, they wanted to keep him. Sidney happened to be the only child home when we found him, so he picked the name. He said, "Can we name him Smoochie?", and since there were no other suggestions, Smoochie, or Smooch just stuck. Blake wanted to keep him immediately and nursed him back to health with polysporin and gauze

So, you know how it is with names. Sometimes we can shorten or alter just about anything. Blake sometimes calls the kitty Mooch, or Moo-Moo. Now his boy Tyler has caught onto that and won't let it go. He tends to do whatever his daddy does/says. Aww...how very endearing...until it starts filtering through to my 4 year old, who will just do/say everything to DEATH! FOR THE RECORD...THE CAT'S NAME IS NOT MOO-MOO! If I wanted a pet named Moo-Moo, I would have a cow. I know this is a little thing, but it drives me ape-shit...for real! So, with all of that said, I have made a decision. I am going to come up with ridiculous names for everyone in the house, and start calling them those names instead. Yeah, yeah, I am being a bitch...so? Got something to say about it?

The black part of his ear actually fell off on Christmas day. All healed now.

Little Life Lesson #3

CAUTION!

Things are NOT always what they seem. When I was 4 and my parents were building our house, I used to love watching all the construction as it happened. I was in the unfinished basement when I discovered a huge pile of pink cotton balls. I couldn't believe my good fortune! Without another thought, I jumped into the pile and rolled around.

Well OF COURSE it was pink insulation, what else could it be? I can't think of any other time in my life when I have been that itchy. YUCK! Live and learn is all I can say.